06/09/2026
One of the things that’s most difficult about sharing custody is learning to fill the time without feeling guilty. Like I wouldn’t have time to slowly garden or drink coffee even slower if I was in mom-mode because I’d be making a meal or snack or doing laundry or something or other that would make me push my own stuff to the side, never to be gotten back to! Because I like mom-mode, I like driving her around & dropping everything to talk about HOCO & because I didn’t have a mom I am always aware how special this relationship is, & how fragile timelines are, I wouldn’t waste a second doing something for myself if my daughter needed something.
So sometimes, when it’s not my time with her, when all I have is space for myself, I feel weirdly guilty if I do something for myself. I go into the garden slowly. One tomato at a time. Pull some weeds, move some twigs. Before I know it I’ve pinched all the basil & I press my hands into my face like WOW that’s the best fu***ng smell I’ve ever smelled fresh basil & sweet little tomatoes how I love yas!!
And God & the Universe have given me this gift today so I have to accept it. Accept all of it. I’m always thinking of my girl, but she’s back tomorrow. So today I accept it 🪴🍅
