Growing from the Heart Psychological and Counseling Services

04/15/2024

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03/07/2024

02/14/2024

Recently, one of the themes moving through therapy sessions that I’ve been in, is the way that the beliefs that we internalize as children become the filters that we see ourselves through, maybe forever.

In my own life, when I think about the way I saw myself, which was part and parcel to the choices I made and the way I behaved throughout childhood and early adult life, it was a general belief that little about me had value. It’s taken most of the last 25 years to slowly erode that idea so that I can see myself as I am now, but even some days now those beliefs and the parts that struggle with them get triggered. What a difference it makes to see without that filter.

We have all watched someone we love treat themselves in terrible ways and subject themselves to terrible treatment because they believe something similar. But those are difficult to change and most people don’t even realize it’s something that they can. My joy in this work is the process of helping someone uncover who they really are and to finally see themselves for the gorgeous and deserving human that they really are. When they start to tolerate the ideas around their value being more than they believed, real magic happens.

12/30/2023

Every so often as a therapist, I experience a theme show up in many of my sessions, and not only that, but also show up as a significant theme in my life and the lives around me.

This week the theme is self-boundary, or boundary of self. Boundaries are often lumped into a mass that is, at times, interchangeable between two distinct kinds. People say “having good boundaries” and mean both types simultaneously. But there is a distinct difference between boundaries of self and behavioral boundary setting.

They are interconnected for sure, but boundaries of behavior ideally point to a harmful behavior from someone else that require someone with good boundaries of self to communicate that they will respond to such behaviors by limiting access to themselves to protect themselves from said harm. It says, “You are free to make your own choices, but if you continue to behave in this harmful way, I am going to make the choice to remove myself from harm’s way.”

Boundaries of self are about understanding where you (i.e. your feelings, your choices, your thoughts, your opinions, your behaviors, etc) end, and someone else’s begin. Not taking responsibility for what is not yours. Not picking it up or trying to change or control it. Not being responsible for someone else’s feelings or disappointments around you and your choices. But also, you not making anyone else responsible for yours. Not blaming anyone else for your own feelings and actions. Recognizing the impact you have on others when your choices violate their boundaries of self.

The only beings we are truly responsible for are the vulnerable we choose to care for, but even then, we can practice having responsible boundaries of self and respecting theirs and their rights to autonomy.

10/27/2023

You may be struggling to understand how a shooting rampage could take place in a community, even a workplace or military base, and why such a terrible thing would happen.