10/08/2022
30.
A number I never thought I’d get to. Not because I thought I would die before I got here, but because I never thought it would happen to me. Thirty was this mythical realm of life that just wasn’t in my plan. I never thought, or really felt, past 29, so the reality of turning thirty was incredibly difficult for me. For the last few years I have broken down personal and societal pressures of what, where, and who I should be in this life so in the week leading up to my birthday - this wasn’t where the struggle lived.
The challenge existed in the mourning of a chapter of my life. A chapter that drove curiosity, adventure, bravery, exploration, and albeit impulsiveness and blind leaps of faith. A chapter of independence and naïveté. A chapter that at the moment of turning 30 felt like the doors officially closed. Whatever I did or didn’t do in those years is now done. The day dreaming about the magic that will take place in my 20’s is officially irrelevant to the future.
People often ask if you feel different after you’ve made your latest trip around the sun. Normally the answer is no. How could one day make you feel any different than the day before. Never have I ever felt a real shift in my body or spirit like I have on this birthday. Mourning the past chapter while coincidently experiencing the rebirth of a new spirit is transformative. I feel like a new me has arrived and like life is just beginning.
For my 30th I wanted to capture as much of this process as I could. Who I am, truly and deeply at this exact moment in time- flaws and all. I’m so grateful that one of my dearest friends was, without question, down to help me document this person - in all of her strength, bravery, self doubt, insecurities, trauma, healing, and passion.
She is beautiful.
She is me.
She is thirty 😏
I am so grateful I was able to fully feel the gravity of this life change in all its challenges and rewards. My heart and mind now open to this new chapter of self exportation, bravery, love, adventure, and expansiveness.
Beyond grateful to my incredible partner who truly made this one special (who makes everyday special) and to all of my friends who showed me the love.
✌🏻 ❤️🔥 ✨