Progress of Pace Bonner - Pawkee (2026)

26/07/2026

Sometimes life feels like a foggy road. You take steps but you’re not sure where you’re going. But just by moving forward, you’re already on your way.

You’ve been through a thousand things in you life people don’t even know about. You’ve experienced things that have shook you, change you, broke you, built you, and taught you to be stronger than you ever thought you had the ability to be, and you are who you are for all of it. Your impact on others are bigger than you think. Never forget that you are hidden in the shadows of His wings. His favor is on your life. The storms still come but you will experience the faithfulness of His covering - you will know that He sustains you.

You have been praying but you don’t feel His presence around you. But sometimes the delay is the very thing that develops you. In His heart, God does not rush what He loves. You’re not just getting to your destination, He’s preparing you to sustain it once you arrive. You might be feeling as if God has forsaken you, but His silence is not his neglect. He is not punishing you, He is preserving you. God sees the whole story, and He will not let you arrive unprepared. He is not cruel in His delays, He is purposeful. His goal is never to just hand you what you want, His goal is to make you into someone who wants Him more than anything else.

He is asking you to stay close, to trust that He sees what you can’t, and to believe that He’s working in ways you don’t yet understand. It might be in this season where your heart finally let go, and your healing begins. It is here where surrender becomes the doorway to peace, and change quietly unfolds behind the scenes. When you feel fear or worry, remind yourself that He will strengthen you, help you, and uphold you. God wants you to know that you can lean on Him, and that He will take care of you in the darkest of seasons.

I leave you with this…

If you are haunted by who you used to be, by the mistakes you can’t erase, and wondering why Jesus would call someone with your past - remember this is the same Jesus who called Matthew from the tax table who is calling you. The same Jesus who rewrote his story, is rewriting your story.

Exodus 14:14 says that God will fight for you and that you are called to be still. I know that sounds simple, but it is often the hardest part. When life is hard, being still can feel impossible. Our instincts is to fix things, to push harder, or to take control so we do not fall apart. But…this verse reminds you that trust matters more than effort. Faith is about letting go, stepping back, and allowing God to carry what you were never meant to hold.

Praise God for His faithfulness, honor Him and bring Him all the glory.

23/07/2026

Life’s fragile truth is that we’re all just one accident, one diagnosis, one unexpected phone call away from a completely different life. Pace’s accident ripped the carpet from underneath me, and suddenly I had to step up and make life and death decisions for his life. Everything I knew, my routines my plans, my comfort shifted in a single moment. What once felt certain was taken, and what I thought would last forever vanished like smoke.

Nobody told me that when your roll changes from partner to caregiver and you have to be the strong one, the reliable one, the one holding everything together - no one ever notices the cost of that. The decisions I had to make about procedures to put his body back together again and keeping the family and his friends posted that first month after the accident, kept me in a state of high alert, and panic, that I will fail at what had been pushed onto me.

Becoming a caregiver is quietly exhausting- it drains your body, mind, and heart. You give everything, often in isolation, while carrying the weight of someone else’s needs around the clock. I learned quickly that I couldn’t respond to everyone 24/7, and that I had to give myself grace. I learned that I was doing my best with the knowledge I had and that I should give myself credit for showing up each day.

Every new day I had to ask God to help me remember that I am doing His work and that He needed to clothe me with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. It was also during this time of utter vulnerability, sadness and stress that God touched me to renew my faith, and remind me who I belong to.

He reminded me that I’m human and that I will make mistakes, but I can lay it at the foot of the cross. I did not have to keep kneeling at the feet of every mistake I made. God showed me that He had put “borrowed people” across my path. People that will pray for me, people that will uplift me, and people that would be there for me. Strangers becoming my circle of strength. I have learned through this that everybody is borrowed and “someday” isn’t promised.

I leave you with this…

Be careful not to neglect yourself while trying to be everything for everyone else. God sees the challenges you are facing, the pressures trying to overwhelm you. Shift your focus, do not give life to the struggle by speaking defeat. The enemy thought you would quit, but you are still standing, still believing, and still pressing.

Keep being the light of the world while staying connected to gratitude. You can let God take the wheel while you focus on fulfilling only one intention: to keep believing and showing up one day at a time, as best you can.

Praise God for His faithfulness.

PS : I will continue this writing tomorrow. I know that there are many in the role of caregiving, that like me, are currently feeling drained, tired, and overwhelmed with daily chores. I pray God touch you, embrace you and keep you upright and strong.

22/07/2026

I sit here in the quiet of the new day…coffee in hand, thinking and reminiscing of all that has happened since that fateful day in May 2025 when our lives changed forever.

I have gone through so many seasons in the past 14 months, and it is still changing and I’m still struggling to adapt to each new challenge as it crosses my path. How different life could have been if only. But life…it never waited for me to catch up. It just kept going, while I stayed behind. There is a kinda sadness in realizing that most of my energy went into surviving, not living. My focus was Pace’s recovery, not my own pain I carried .

We all carry scars, though they show up in different ways. Some rest quietly in the subconscious covered by years of trauma; some come from careers that never lifted off the ground; opportunities that slipped through our fingers. I sit through nights when the world becomes unbearably quiet, and all I can hear are the thoughts I try so hard to outrun and the physical pain that keeps me awake at night. I have learned that strength is not loud; sometimes strength is simply surviving another day without giving up on myself.

I have learned that God’s favor surrounds me like a shield; I have learned that every setback has been a setup for a comeback. God has been renewing my story, not just patching up the past, but creating something more beautiful and powerful than before. I have learned that God is a personal God, He works in each of us uniquely. May I honor my deliverance and may I remember the desperation that once made me fall to my knees. Because the same God that brought me out is faithful to keep me forward.

Pain is part of my story, but God became my source of strength. I know there are many people out there suffering chronic pain like me that can drive you to think and do things that can affect those closest to us in an adverse ways. I am not claiming that I am suffering alone, but I can say to you I truly understand. I want you to know I am learning that what I see as unanswered prayers are actually God working in ways I don’t understand yet. I expect healing to mean the sickness is gone, the pain disappears, the struggle ends. But maybe…healing looks different to God.

Some days feel like quiet battles and I keep going, holding it together, while deep down I just try to breathe through the weight of it all. But I have learned that when the healing I prayed for didn’t come, I can still hold onto Jesus, because He’s the one who understands suffering better than anyone. He’s there when my strength falters. His holds. When hope feels faint, His love sustains. And when the day finally ends only I and God truly knows what it took to get there.

And in the quiet of the night as I sit awake, I have come to know…that silence isn’t empty. It holds every unspoken prayer, every tear, every moment I kept walking when I wanted to give up. Every “Why Lord?” I asked was answered in that God never wastes pain. He always uses it to accomplish His purpose in my life. And in those moments I can finally rest, knowing that I was never alone. God saw it all…He carried me when I couldn’t carry myself.

I leave you with this…

Don’t focus on the pain alone but on its purpose. The pain that feels endless today will not stay forever. There are seasons when doors don’t open, prayers seems unanswered, and the future feels uncertain. In those moments it’s easy to doubt or rush ahead of God. Waiting is not a waste if you’re waiting on the Lord. He sees the full picture. What He has planned for you will not pass you by…if it is God’s will, it will be - no matter how long it takes.

What he begins…He completes. His love won’t let you miss what’s meant for you.

Ps: postings have been scarce except for a update every now and then, but during this break I will be sharing some difficulties I have faced this past 14 months and how it has affected not just both our lives, but my life specifically. I hope it will hit home for someone else that is going through this too and that God holds you close during your season of struggle.

18/06/2026

We have lived a year of amazing grace since Pace's accident. God has shown us many times that we will rise out of the ashes, but the burning comes first. There were many days life felt like a foggy road where we'd be taking steps, but we're not sure where we're going.

Tough days didn't mean we failed. We learned that we didn't have to figure it out right now, we didn't have to know all the answers, we just had to wait, wait and remind ourselves that we're stronger than we thought. Taking care of ourselves is part of the path to growth and walking with God and He has made it more tolerable.

I have learned that life with God is not always happy. Just because you encounter the love of God, doesn't mean you will never feel pain and brokenness again. This past year has been proof of that. Life will never be perfect, but what makes it worth living is because of the presence of God, My relationship with Him is the best thing I could ever experience here on earth. I could rest in His presence knowing that He was moving and bring healing.

When this accident happened, I had so many why questions. I have had and still have anger because of what I believe was stolen from me, but I also know what I am walking through now might be hard to understand, but it is not meaningless. God sees every detail, every tear and every prayer I whisper. This season is not a detour. and as much as I want to fix it, control it, or even fight in it, sometimes the wisest and hardest thing I can do is let go, and leave it in God's hands. Because I have learned not every battle is mine to fight; not every burden is mine to carry, and not every outcome is mine to decide. I have learned to surrender is not giving up, it means I believe His ways are higher, His timing is better and His hands are far stronger than mine.

Many times I have thought that maybe this had to happen...not to punish me, but to prepare me. God saw what I couldn't see - that this moment, this mess, this loss was the soil where something stronger would grow, not just for me, but for Pace as well. Growth rarely happens in comfort, faith is found in the fall. Some of the most powerful moments happens in silence, in struggle, in surrender; you won't always win, but you'll always learn - how to wait, how to trust, how to try again when it's hard. And believe me when I tell you this past year has been hard on both of us. Grace doesn't always show up as success, sometimes it shows up as strength, as perspective, as peace in the middle of not understanding.

We have stumbled and we have fallen but God has been there to catch us, and pick us up. We might think we are not enough - but neither was 2 fish and 5 loaves of bread for thousands of people...and look what God did with that. Let us never doubt that we are not enough. The Bible doesn't hide the failures of those who were used in mighty ways. The people God chose struggled with sin and the hardships of life, and yet, even through their imperfections, our mighty God did amazing things.

God has used Pace's glory story, our testimony to save others, and He proved that He could turn it all around for good. What the evil one intended for failure has turned into worship, grace and gratitude and to Him be all the honor, the praises and the glory. We could not have done this without His grace, His presence, His love and His faithfulness.

I leave you with this...

Like Job, Pace didn't get his old life back, he got a new one. God didn't restore what he lost, He rewrote his ending and gave him more than he had before. Some pain won't be explained, it'll be redeemed.

20/05/2026

It has been one year since we left Texas for Ontario, CA to start the RFTW 2025. God had already placed people in our life for what's to happen. They were not there by accident, and even though we did not know them or meet them at that time, they would be the ones who saved Pace's life after his accident.

We took a road trip to Shawnee, OK this past weekend to meet up with the Midway Route to meet the people that was crucial to saving and stabilizing Pace at the accident scene. We needed this trip, both of us, to let go of all the tension, the stress and to fill in the gaps that slipped through our memories of that day. We thank God for them, we praise Him for his faithfulness, and we bring Him all the honor and the glory for His divine intervention.

He's survival wasn't accidental, it was divine intervention. After the accident as the medics was working on him and I stood next to the accident scene praying and crying, it was in that moment God responded in a powerful unexpected way. I did not know that Pace had been brought back to life, but I did know when it happened again while they were stabilizing him at Guadalupe County Hospital in NM. Pace didn't get his old life back, he got a new one. God didn't restore what he had lost, He rewrote the ending and gave him more that he had before.

He might not have his physical strength, or the use of his arm back, but he was given another chance at life. Everybody wants the oil, but nobody wants the crushing. Everybody wants the crown, but nobody wants the cross. The truth is: "God doesn't use what He hasn't broken". Let that sink in. This trial is refining him; this recovery is maturing him; this valley he is in is preparing him, and the delay of complete recovery is disciplining him. But above all God is working for him to get him through the valley to the promised land.

When things felt impossible, that is when the Lord stepped in. Pace's trials of recovery became sacred ground where we see the Lord's hand most clearly. Miracles may not always look the way we expected it, but they come in hindsight. This accident is the very thing that brought the miracle of his survival into our lives. We are confident in God's sovereignty and that restoration continues on his arm. We know when things don't unfold the way we had hoped, we can only trust that God is still at work, and we rest here. God have reminded us to take it one day at a time. It is so easy to become overwhelmed with anxiety when we're so busy to focus on the future and trying to figure everything out. God remains in control and we stand in His embrace.

I leave you with this.

Don't stay in the boat when God is calling you to walk on the water. Whatever you may be walking into, God has already stepped into it and prepared a way for you. You've been through the unimaginable, and you're still standing...because of God.

15/05/2026

As RFTW 2026 started, I have had to process a lot of emotions for days. The stark reminder of what happened when Pace had his motorcycle wreck compelled me to acknowledge a difficult truth. Our lives has never and probably never will be the same again. The only constant is God's amazing grace and love showered over us.

We are learning on a daily basis that the only way forward is to rebuild. One step at a time, one brick to the layer. We are not broken, we are just responding to something hard. Life has a way of throwing one off-course sometimes. We feel distant from the persons we once were. The version of us who had big dreams, a purpose, and a clear sense of direction, but healing, healing is possible, and finding our way back to ourselves is a journey.

We are not the darkness we've had to endure, we are the light that refused to surrender. A lot can happen in one year, whether you're healthy or whether you are recovering from a horrific accident like Pace. The effects it has had on our lives we can never explain to anyone. but God's favor, love, amazing grace and healing on Pace's life is something we can testify to. We didn't make it through this year on our own. We didn't hold it together because we had strength. We held on because He held us. God's grace carried us. He is the reason we are still standing, He is the reason Pace is still breathing. He has covered us both in the unseen, and we are truly grateful.

The morning of the 15th of May, Pace said something to me just before we left for Amarillo, TX. His body must have sensed a truth before his mind did, because it was a signal. A signal that I recalled when they were fighting to keep him alive before being medivacid back to Albuquerque, NM. A lot of us get a signal, or a sign, and we often ignore it, but God speaks to us in the quiet, and we tend to channel His voice out. But I can share this with y'all. His voice will never be silenced. If He wants to get a message to you, it will be delivered one way or the other. Just at times, it will be too late.

This trauma might have rewired our brains to expect the worst, but God rewired it so we can feel hope again. Therapy helps, but grace carries, and we believe healing is still possible. Trauma might have shaped us over this year, but it did not define us. With God's healing hands, Pace is being made whole again. Is he the same as before the accident? No, but neither is he the same from laying next to the road just outside of Santa Rosa, NM that day. He has made a lot of progress. He didn't survive because he was strong. He survived because God was faithful. His story of progress is still moving forward. God's grace will not leave him there.

I leave you with this...

Pace survived another day because of God's grace. How can we not believe that God had been with him when he's had days that I know he only survived because of God's grace...Pace has gone through so much and yet he's still here...breathing. We thank God for everything because He never fails. We've had to stop second guessing. God wants us to show up like it's already done...speak it; walk it; own it. Our doubt has no place in a vision this big. We have to continue to trust our process, our pace, and most of all, we have to trust in God that everything Pace is doing will pay off.

To God be the honor, the glory and the praise for Pace's recovery.

PS: I will write another post to bring you up to speed regarding his injuries over the next couple of days; and I will be posting how his accident affected me and the constant battles I have been fighting since the accident.

11/04/2026

" What is anger? "It is a punishment we give ourselves for somebody else's mistakes". What a heartbreak it would be to live an "almost Christian life, then "almost" get into heaven.

How often have you heard the phrase fake it till you make it.

Our problem following Jesus is we're trying to be a better version of us, rather than a more accurate reflection of Him. We cannot be a vessel for God to use if we are full of ourselves. I read all of the above statements, and I realize just how far I have strayed from Him because I am not dealing with my anger.

Being outside at the crack of dawn, working in the garden, because this is the only place I can have conversations with God. Here I vent my anger, praying, singing and hoping that today would be the day that I have a breakthrough. My life is like a double edged sword, where I speak to God, desiring to have peace of mind, and the next something breaks, or it didn't go according to how I wanted it, and that anger just bubbles up, and I break or crush what I am working with. Knowing that anger does not produce the righteous life God desires for me. Also knowing that anger left unchecked doesn't just hurt others, it eats away at my peace. Yes, I know anger doesn't solve anything, and it builds nothing, and yes it can destroy everything.

There are days I feel like Elijah, strong in public, exhausted and angry in private, I have nothing left for myself, even prayer feels heavy and rest feels undeserved. But I also know the same God who let Elijah rest, will let me rest too, but at the moment I am fighting Him for the restoration of my strength. I have been overwhelmed for months just like Jehoshaphat, I have found the battles in front of me were bigger than my strength, and there were times I didn't always know what to do next. Deadlines, responsibilities, expectations pressing me from every side. My fear got louder, my anxiety led me, and I felt surrounded. Procrastination has me in a big hole. The struggle is real, and until I can let go and let God, my struggles will continue.

I know I am not the only one struggling, but acknowledging that I have a real problem, is step one of moving forward, step two is to let go, which is easier said than done. Holding on to how I think something is supposed to be and denying how it is. I should be examining the way I think, not just concentrate on the anger which comes from frustrated expectations. It has been stealing my joy and spirit, and has made me less effective in my attempts to create change and forge my reconnection to God.

I leave you with this...

Anger is a messenger...

It shows where it hurts. It protects, warns and speaks. Suppressed anger turns into pain. Feeling it doesn't make you bad, but instead of listening when it turned loud, I have allowed it to guide me and control me. I stand reminded that David 'commanded' his soul to praise the Lord. If I wait for my flesh to be in alignment with my spirit then I'll only be a seasonal worshipper, dictated by how I feel. Worship is not about my feelings, but who God is.

One thing I do know - God is counting on is how many times I have cried out for help, and that I do my best and let Him pick me up and help me, because I am the problem. I have to trust my process; my pace; and I have to stop second guessing myself. I need to forgive myself for not knowing earlier what only time could teach.

06/03/2026

Faith means letting go, even when you don't have the answers. It means saying, "God, I don't get it, but I'm not going without You." That's the kind of trust that moves mountains. I lost sight of those mountains.

Having had my own medical problems while taking care of Pace, my mental health deteriorated to a point where my daily battle of believing what God has in store for me is so much more than I could ever phantom. We are both struggling, but Pace has kept me grounded. Grounded in the knowledge that this too shall pass, and that I need to put one foot in front of the other to overcome this battle that I am currently fighting.

I have for weeks and weeks allowed my emotions to be my decision maker. Instead of leaning on God, stop and pray and allow Him to lead me, I have walked in darkness clouding every decision. Instead of making sure my lamp had oil in it, I tried to borrow my preparedness from someone else. Through all this I have learned integrity is about being the same person in every room, with every one and in every role I played. In a world full of masks, God call me to be authentic and true. At times I felt like Matthew, haunted by who I use to be, by mistakes I can't erase, wondering why Jesus would call on me. He rewrote my story and I keep on losing track of that.

I have allowed the storms in my life to shake my roots in Christ, and as I was working outside in my garden, God gave me these sweet potatoes out of one container. When Pace was in Tyler rehab, I pinched some pieces of their plants that is right behind him in the picture. I brought it home, and God had it grow roots, and I planted it. During the frost, even though in a greenhouse, the plant disintegrated to nothing but dead leaves...or so I thought. But when I emptied the container to see if there was anything at all to salvage into a new plant, those fell out of the container. In that very moment I was reminded, I am His. I let go, not Him. As I walked through valleys of darkness, He still remained the light I needed to walk forth in.

I leave you with this...

The battles in front of me are bigger than my strength and I don't always know what next. Fear gets loud, anxiety tries to lead and my heart feels surrounded. But today I choose to what Jehoshaphat chose...I turn to Him before I turn to panic; I lift my eyes to Him before I react. I ask Him to fight the battles I cannot fight. Go before me where I am afraid to step. I ask that You teach me to trust You when the odds are stacked against me.

And when my fear rises, let my praise rise higher. When confusion surrounds me, remind me that You are in control. I MAY NOT KNOW THE STRATEGY, BUT I KNOW THE GOD WHO HOLDS THE VICTORY.

Like me, stand reminded that He never leaves or forsakes you. Even when we mess up, Jesus says: "Come sit with Me. I am not here to reject you, I'm here to restore you."

Stand strong in Him, and let us pray for one another.

08/02/2026

It is hard, very hard for me to be incapacitated at the moment. Ignoring the many signs God presented to me and being disobedient has me in this situation, because I am hardheaded. My "nobody tells me" personality has put me in this, more so because I do not like sitting idle when things needs to be done,

I want to be outside. I want to have my hands in the dirt; I want to build projects; I want to do birding; anything I can, as long as it is outside. I know I am not the only one, there are many out there just like me, the "I wants". At the back of my mind, I know I have to tend to the house, but that is on the backburner, because... yes, you've guessed, I want to be outside. Finally hearing what God wants, because now I have no choice because of this surgery, I am realizing now it's not about me. It's about God. He needed me to slow down. I'm just sharing what He is putting on my heart.

Know this, God picked you for a reason. There is something in you that hell has been trying to silence - and heaven refuses to waste. You are not random - you are assigned. The warfare that you and I are currently going through reveals the weight of our calling. God pulled us out of the pit so we could go back in and get more people out. Read that again. Know this: Your salvation is not for you, it is for those that are still living in the world.

I am the voice for my family at the throne of grace. Some of the worst people in my life have made the most positive impact. I have asked myself why? Because their stories didn't end with their mistakes. (Thank You Jesus for this.) Their stories finished with their comeback. At the moment I might feel defeated, but my story isn't over. I have learned that to rearrange the letters in DEPRESSION, I read the following...I PRESSED ON! My victory is still coming.

I leave you with this...

A weak man is found in the crowds seeking validation and attention.

A strong man is found alone, seeking God and fixing himself.

God woke me this morning, granting me another day, so I can walk in His purpose, not in my problems. When God marked me, I have learned that even silence carries weight. I don't need approval, applause, or even permission. I just need to keep walking, because the oil speaks louder than the noise....YES, I CAN DO IT!

04/02/2026

Our utensils in opening our pre-cooked meals from Factor. I thought buying these meals would help me as I can't prep with one hand. Neither one of us thought about the opening and that we'd have to use our thumbs and index fingers to do this...well genius I am...we are both right handed and trying to get a grip on that corner is like picking up an egg yoke from the kitchen floor.

Thankfully we have friends in high places! The Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. During this past 8 months, me being the caregiver, a lot of things changed in our relationship and God is using my surgeries to force us to work together to accomplish every day tasks. I can't drink my electrolyte drinks because I can't open the bottle by myself. the same goes for Pace. He holds the bottle and I unscrew the cap. Pace has taught me to put the pill bottle cap back on the bottle upside down, it makes it easier to open.

When God wants to make you successful, He takes you out of your comfort zone. He tests your patience, He isolates you and He challenges your faith. Because before He gives you the life you dream of, He builds the version of you that can handle it. You're not being punished, you are being planted. God is shaping you for greater things.

Even though I have been taking care of Pace, and I would just automatically do things without thinking about it, it is only now that his frustrations and not being able to do something hit me. I did everything for him because I didn't have to wait for him to succeed because I was impatient. I would do it and it's done. Being in that same boat now, where I am challenged and I have to think about how to do something, I get impatient with myself. I would say God is telling me something.

I leave you with this....

Before God sends you into your next season, He will prepare you. He will remove and He will also add. Whether it's people, things, old habits, etc. Don't expect to move forward without having to leave some things behind.

The fact that you are having a struggle is evidence the Holy Spirit is motivating you to resist. The world has no struggle, they just indulge. But you...you have a fight, because the Holy Spirit of God is still working on you.

When you are ready, the blessings of God will fall upon you like rain. You will be drenched in His grace, wisdom, mercy, and showered with favor. Your identity are in Christ. You are a blood bought-battle fought-born again- child of the King!

Progress of Pace Bonner - Pawkee

26/07/2026

23/07/2026

22/07/2026

18/06/2026

20/05/2026

15/05/2026

11/04/2026

06/03/2026

08/02/2026

04/02/2026

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