08/06/2026
Ignorance is a curse ,not wanting to know is a sin. Greatest sin in not practicing what you know. .When one is ready knowledge is available.
Three fold path to enlightenment is Death of ego, rebirth, self sacrifice.
1
Wandering spirits instigating for su***de
False values and guilt from past
Sadhna August 2006
Depression, suicidal attempt, addiction
Guide is annoyed for staying so long on earth
Fifty years old Sadhna had tried to commit su***de many times. Few years back she took sleeping pills to end her life as that time she was in severe depression. She could not sleep without taking sleeping pills. She use to have very weird dreams. She is also addicted to smoking and alcohol and is having extramarital affair from past few years.
Her husband is businessman , he is so soft and devoted or is it his subtle ego or he is paying back his debt this way that he can not refuse his wife any thing she desires .So he fell indebt and he had to take so much effort on his part to come out of it. His mission of life is to have a successful business and earn lots of money at any cost. So that he can make his wife happy .She has been doing lots of rituals of worshiping and visiting many religious places just to feel some peace and prays for stability in material gain. She was very keen to know what has been in her past life to contribute to her present life state. She calls her self luckiest person yet she feels she has no peace of mind .After knowing her background we preceded with the session
Session – I was guided to first ask her to see the origin of those weird dreams which she had been having when she tried to commit su***de. It happened about ten years back and today in that regressed state she was again seeing that dream.
Dream – I am climbing up the stairs and at the top of it across the gate many people are standing. They are extending their hands and inviting me toward them saying,’ you are very sad, come to us, our world is full of joy, your life is miserable’ I am impressed and drawn to them. As I intend to step forward towards them ,I am reminded that they are dead people and I am shivering with fear and screaming , ‘no, no ,I can’t leave my children ,my husband , I can’t come to you . I am running down the stairs. At the bottom of the stair my paternal aunt (taayi) is standing with hands extended to invite me saying, ‘you are scared of them, come to me , I will not let any thing to disturb you.’ I am feeling comfortable and convinced but as I put my foot forward, I am reminded that she too is dead person. I am telling her,’ but taayi ji you too are dead .She is assuring me , ‘don’t be scared of me , I want to end your sufferings’ . And I stand there transfixed. I am sweating with fear and nervousness. I wake up from sleep.
These types’ dreams continued for many days. Now nothing is pleasing me in life. Jewelry, clothes, children, husband nothing attracts me any more. Day by day I am thinking of ending my life, expecting to get peace and happiness after every trouble of this living world is over. I start collecting sleeping pills expecting and imagining to get real pleasure after death.
-The day I had 200 tablets, I was ready to finally end my life. That day, when I am sleeping, I feel somebody is waking me up. I am thinking it’s my child asking me to take her to toilet. From inside the bed sheet itself, I told her, ‘ don’t disturb me , wake up your papa’. When again some body shook me , I removed the sheet from my face and saw, a four five years old child is telling me, ‘you are not doing right thing’. Before I could understand any thing further or trying to figure out who he is he ? I turn back and see there is no body (Interrupting her there itself I asked her to see now ,who is this boy and what he wants to tell her? She said, ‘he is non other that Ganesha, I can see one young Ganesha is standing there now.’( I think it was her consciousness telling her of her wrong decision but she did not give any head to it )
I get up from my bed, go to my husband and my children to bid good by and asking them , ‘please forgive me for giving you so much pain and doing this act . I can not help it. I love you people but I can not live only for this reason .You may call me a coward or any thing but I have to go’. I go to toilet and consume all those tablets quietly and am sit on one chair there itself, waiting for my end. As I became unconscious, I fell down from that chair as a result of loosing balance and control on my body. The thud of my fall wakes up my husband, who was in deep sleep. He saw my condition and is shocked. He immediately rushed me to hospital. .Many doctors are treating me .I remained unconscious for eight days.
Unconscious state -( I asked her , ‘where were your conscious at the time when your body was lying unconscious in the hospital’? She replied, ‘it is in a very dark and horrid place, nothing is visible there. Its very uncomfortable place.’ Q –how did you come back from that horrible place? A- My husband and children are constantly praying and it is because of their prayers some light is spreading there and I am regaining conscious.
Hallucination –The day I am coming around from that unconsciousness, in that emergency ward, I find that one nurse is standing near my head. She is trying to press my neck with both hands. She is threatening me in a male voice, ‘now who will save you? I am screaming full throated with fear. Every body comes running and I am telling them, ‘she wants to kill me’. She is pleading, ‘why should I do this to her? ( I asked her to see now ,why was she doing this and then denying it to others ? After observing about that event now she replied , ‘ its not that nurse ,now I can see he is my dead uncle ( taaya)who wants to choke me to death but because I woke up and screamed so I am saved’. This way she saw the circumstances of her suicidal tendency ( After few years later she had also learnt reiki till II degree but could not concentrate as whenever she closed her eyes , she would feel as if she is getting engulfed in this darkness and felt scared .Thus she could not benefit from it. When I told her about the benefit reiki is providing, she said, it was in the news paper that there is research going on and proved that reiki is hogwash and people are simply foolish to believe in all this. Those who claim to heal by reiki they are simply cheating others. I did not think it appropriate to explain any thing further. I understood that illusions delude us this way that is why we reject good things without really having any practical experiences .And we may easily fall pray to negative things if its seed is there in the mind to attract it, and its well said that likes attract .)
Following illusions- Three years back she met one man and inspite of their marital status and her love for her husband, both of them got attracted to each other .She is totally convinced of her husband’s love and can not imagine to separate from him. Yet there is something special about this man .She says, he is the reason, I am living for. This man in her life is instrumental in creating a desire to live. Both are mature and vary of their age thus they both meet stealthily and those few moments add finding some reason to live life again. As if that spark of energy is the fuel to move forward otherwise standing vehicle. She is again taking interest in dresses and looks .But self guilt is making her sick with unaccountable sicknesses, Alcohol addiction, smoking sleeping pills also doesn’t give her momentarily solace. Mind is restless and unstable, sometimes she starts learning dance, some time takes music classes. Some times she joins gym to make her attractive and fit. Some times takes keen interest in following Osho mediation. But nothing last longer. I asked her in the session, ‘don’t you feel you are doing something wrong in this life by having this affair? She very sadly said, ‘I don’t know what sin I must have done in previous life that inspite of having best of every thing also I am not happy’. Then like a rebellion she defends her self by saying, ‘now I want to do this if it is wrong thing and then see what karma I get back. She is clarifying her extramarital affair, ‘it is true love , if it gives me happiness then I am not harming any body . I don’t have any guilt about it’.( my question was, if she doesn’t know what she had done in past life to make her life miserable in this life, then how would she know in next life that the problems of her that life are, her this life’s this particular deed? .Though she gave me a very deep insight that this attitude of people is also intended at learning ,gaining knowledge about cause and effect for which we all are wondering and saying ‘mysterious are the ways of God’ .But it is like making your self practically go through the experience of getting burnt or jump in the well to fee how it much it pains when we get burnt or stuck in the well? Cause and effect are right in front of us in the modified form in the form of circumstances of this life, and there are always ways to come out of it unscathed. Deep within soul level every body knows it, that is why we are searching for solution some way .But our conscious mind, our guilt doesn’t let us believe in it. We all believe we can change outcome of our supposed misdeeds of the past, that is why we are doing charity, rituals, praying, reading scriptures, other books, asking fortune reader ,doing all sort of such things even going to doctor, therapist and healer is also intended at seeking some remedy to the problem which is karma. Because karma is the effect not the cause.
Sadhna saw many past lives in her three sessions and from my perspective almost all the causes were revealed through her past life session .But once somebody has decided to follow illusions just to see the reaction. No body can do any thing. Because such people have created their own defensive fort to safeguard their short term pleasures which are only halting their forward journey. This is with every one who are in to any kind of addiction and still do not accept that they are getting harmed and they need to change their habits.
Past life –I asked her to see the origin of any of her above mentioned problems. First she started seeing the life which is contributing to her su***des and extramarital affair. She said, ‘ I am sitting in a Muth( Buddhist Monastery) as a sanyasin. I have surrendered every thing to God .I am doing Sadhna and very devoted. At about thirty five years of age , I start getting attracted to one monk in the muth. She exclaimed with excitement, ‘Oh. he is same person, with whom I am having affair now .( she was pleasantly surprised to recognize him in different setting and seeing him much younger and in different attire) .She continued, ‘slowly people around us come to know of our attraction for each other .They do not approve of it. We are thrown out of Muth. We get married, but people still do not forgive us. Every where we are being criticized, and condemned .Finally people can not tolerate us any more because we have brought disgrace to the Muth and Monks .On head priest’s order, we are stoned to death . The main person responsible for it is the Head monk of the Muth. And he was my uncle in this life. He was the one trying to kill me when I was coming around in to senses in ICU ward . I was stunned at her perfect revelations of facts, how every thing was fitting in to right place to complete the puzzle of her this life’s circumstances.)
I had surrendered my life to God ,I had no right to fall for man
After death she is filled with guilt and is self criticizing, ‘I have done wrong, I had surrendered my life to God , I am guilty of falling for a man .I was supposed to renounce every thing and I have done sin , falling for the attraction man’s love . (Imagine the man who was instrumental in killing her in past life ,he is even threatening her in this life as a ghost .Her lower of past life also meets her in this life very late , past life they were killed for falling in love but this time when the society has changed so much , she is challenging the karma or destiny by falling for this man and then wants to see what punishment she gets .I tried to bring her out of this self guilt ,which is making her pray to kill herself in this life ). I explained, ‘so what if you had devoted your life to god, but in-between you found something worth while and changed your mind. You did not deceive any body, you accepted your affection for him and got married, you also did not fear the wrath of people and died for the love. You did not deceive by pretending to devote life to God, when you were attracted to somebody else.’ But she went on for some time to blame her self, ‘ no , I should have not done it , I had no right to fall in love with a man when I had chosen ascetics life.’ It took some more explanation to her that you had chosen one path and in between you decided to travel through another path. May be it takes some longer time to reach God but there is no right or wrong path. I also told,’ how your present life is suffering because of that life’s self guilt. Though from higher perspective, you never did anything wrong in that life , you were honest ,you did not deceive any body .But what you are doing now in this life is wrong. Either you totally accept this man or do not deceive your husband because he is honest and you are not being honest to him by giving that part of love to somebody else what should have been his right.
(self realization takes time, accepting right advise depends on desire to be free from the cycle one is caught in to. Investigation was done treatment does not depend entirely on me . So I decided to give her time to understand .Thus we proceeded to see some more insight from some of her another lives we proceeded with another session
Past life 2 Unfulfilled desires- I am in a village like in WB Bengal, a fifteen sixteen years old girl. My father is a very poor farmer but he loves me so much. We are so poor that we can’t even afford proper clothes to wear. All the girls of my age are married. I too desire to get married. I know that my father can not afford to bear the expenses. So I suppress my feelings. At twenty five years of age, I am roaming in the fields and a snake bites me. My body is turning blue and swelling up. People are watching from far but no body from the village is ready to touch my body and I am dead. My father is inconsolable. Finally pundit from the village comes forward and puts his chadar ( piece of cloth covering his body) on my dead body and places my body in the grave .I can recognize pundit ji, he is one Guruji ,I have met in this life and I had returned his chadar by presenting to him one Angvastra (thin maflar type cloth given as a respect ) I din’t know it then that I am returning him his dues.
Past life 3- Present husband- I am a young girl of eighteen ,living in the Ashram I am doing cleaning and menial jobs . I keep watching one good looking sanyasi in the Ashram. He also appreciates me. He just likes my honesty and sincerity. But I love him for his manly quality and watch him quietly .He is my present husband. People in the ashram find it out and starts discussing it with him. They have decided to throw me out from the Ashram. I am only sad because I will not be able to be near him. But he is a dutiful and character full man and willingly accepts to go out from Ashram with me to save my reputation .He is saying that what ever her deeds, I am equally responsible for it .Thus we both are out from ashram. We have got married but some how there is no intimacy and much communication. I think he is feeling guilty of leaving his renunciation midway. I am also guilty of spoiling such a decent man’s reputation and thwart his growth. We don’t have children, we are living by opening a small shop ,we are not happy, some thing is missing. In our sixties, first my husband and then I die. In this life also she wasn’t happy. But her relation with present husband and guilt of spoiling his growth and over all unhappy life was revealed.
I am back to same house where my husband
Past life 4-She became a wandering spirit – I am in a Rajasthan like place, living with my parents in a huge mansion. I am young girl and am feeling very happy, watching some gypsies performing their dance program. I am fascinated by there wandering life style. I am from a princely family and wearing very costly heavy dress. My marriage is fixed with some very prince. Oh, he is my present husband. So much dowry is being given in my marriage. I come to my in laws house . I am very well looked after there . My husband is very loving and understanding. He does not have that air of richness in him . His public also like him so much. I am expecting a baby and both of us are very happy . But I die while giving birth. With state honour my cremation is being done. But I am back to same house where my husband lives with my child. My husband is very shattered, he is missing me so much but I am always there with him , he can not see it. I am very pained to see him suffering. He takes the responsibility of bringing up our only son all by him self .He does every thing for him. He is not getting married again though his people force him so much. .I am watching them and feel happy when they are happy and sad when they are sad.
My husband is sad now because our son is not very noble and decent like him . I am also feeling sad for him. Our son is very harsh and rude with people. He is not looking after his state with interest .After some times my husband also dies and we both are watching activities of our son and feel so much pain at his behavior. Then suddenly we don’t know what happened and we both feel released and come up to the sky . Our guide is very annoyed with us saying,’ why did you waste so much time on earth after wards’? He is sending us back again to take birth.
Past life 5- I am having brief glimpse of a life which looks to be a foreign setting. I am middle aged lady and married to very wealthy person. But we don’t share very close relationship because he is a man who believes ladies have their place lower to man in the society. So he maintains his own standard in the society but doesn’t give me much standing outside the house. I have children; one of them resembles my nephew in this life. But I am feeling alone. I can not see what happens there after. I told her that you have never had a happy and full filling life , though whichever life she was seeing I was healing her of those memories instantaneously
You have to simplify religion, you have to form sangha Message from Budha
I decided to take her guide’s help, so I asked her too see her guide, She announced, he is Budha! He is saying she will be ready for healing after two years; she will also help you after that in spreading this knowledge about healing and teaching. So I asked her, ‘but you don’t believe in reiki. And I teach reiki . She replied, ‘He is saying you have to simplify religion, you have to form sangha, do you understand what it means? She wanted some feed back from me , and then went on to explain, congregation of people, helping you to spread the message to simplify the religion. I( she ) will be the leader. I will help you in this.’ You were also his disciple, I can see. (she was seeing something and then trying to figure out )she said, you are also sitting in Sadhna , you have jatta (uncombed hair sported by saints ) and saffron dress and then questioned me , ‘by the way were you in any case Meera, yes, you are Meera . We both were together’. She recognized her connection with me from the past lives and regretfully said, ‘we were together, you have gone so ahead, where did I lack behind? I asked her, ‘wouldn’t you like to heal yourself from all these, so that you can join and help me , in spreading the message the Buddha told us to do ’? For that you need to come out from addiction, your affair? I want you to be healed and progress further so that you can become leader once again .She refused, ‘no, now my time has not come, I can not think of living without all these things. Then there is nothing else left in my life to have desire in me to live .’ I think she wants to fully satisfy her of those unwanted desires. As she herself has decided not to heal her and progress further for two years so I could not force her much, I just asked her to relax and I started giving her reiki by touch and heal method.
Godly Energy –As I was healing her she felt some body is slowly massaging her as if vibrations are spreading on her body. I asked her to see who is it ? She said, oh, it is little form of Tirupati God. He is slowly embalming me with some white light lotion. Its very pleasant feeling.(she is a great devotee to Tirupati, she had visited the temple in south many times. )
My late father in law in my house
Spirit -Seeing her vision progress to see energy and her deity I felt guided to ask her , ‘can you feel his presence in your house ? She quipped, ‘my late father in law in my house.’ Q- But he wasn’t alive when you were married, how did you recognize him ? A-From the talks about him in the family , I admired him a lot and I always wished that had he been alive ,he should have lived with us . Q-What is he doing in the house , he is died long back ? A- He has always been there, he is trying to tell my mother in law that you should not do this. Q-What? A- She is very partial and favors her other children over my husband . She is jealous of my husband that why is he doing so well in the business.. Q – But why did he remain behind after passing over many years back ? A-He says, ‘my children are very small ,how could I leave them . It was my duty to bring them up’. Q -He could not do anything , no body could hear him or see him .So it is better he should leaves now . A- How can I tell him to leave his own house ?. After all it is his house .I reminded Sadhna of her heavenly experience to remember how her guide had been angry with them for staying longer on earth after death . Pray for his release and further growth. I tried to convince him by explaining the fact that you are not only thwarting your progress but also of your family members. Now she responded by saying , ‘ now he is directly listening to you’. I asked her, ‘ where is he ‘? A - ‘He is sitting in the drawing room on the sofa’ . I was surprised and filled with confidence that he is only too willing to leave and after some time she reported, ‘ he has started getting dissolved and merge in the light directed at him . He is no more visible in the house ’. I asked her to see where is he now? She said, ‘he is waving to us from the sky ’.
Psychic Attack-After this I wanted to heal her, as she said, ‘ I am feeling heaviness in my heart. I started healing her heart and she was seeing and describing what all she was seeing or feeling. I asked her, ‘why is this heaviness and unpleasantness in your life, which is making your heart heavy? She looked here and there with closed eyes and said, ‘there is smoke emanating from my heart. There is fire and its coming from outside this door ’.Suddenly she opened her eyes and pointed towards other room where her mother in law was, and said, ‘its she! She is jealous of me, she has been wishing me all the unpleasantness and doing such other things to me. That is making me run here and there in search of peace but I am so depressed that I find no relief.’ I tried to sooth her and heal her of the negativity, which was making her heart heavy and pained.
Stifled relationship with husband
I asked her to envision why she is not happy in her marital relationship though her husband is so decent and loving. She even loves him. Then what is stopping you people to feel happy . Now she was opening up to another truth about her relationship . She said , my husband is just Godly . I think I have asked him for too much. He kept giving me. But he got exhausted. Q -What is that you asked too much from him? A- I asked him to fulfill my material desires, I asked him to full fill my emotional needs, to give me fatherly protection, brotherly love and security . And he kept me giving every thing but then he said , ‘o.k. ,I will give you every thing but he got exhausted and could not give me husband wife relationship. He just can not tolerate even if I touch him while talking. He loves me beyond doubt , he takes pledge from me that promise me that you will never leave me and I have also promised him that I can not even dream of leaving him .But I am very greedy ,I also desire some thing which he can not give me ,that intimacy of husband but he doesn’t think there is something wrong in our relationship , that is why I have also decided to take that pleasure from outside which I can not get from him. If he doesn’t think his behavior is wrong then I also don’t think I am doing some thing wrong (I listen to her strong verdicts patiently,then I tried to convince her that though you don’t think there is some thing wrong in your way of leading your life but you know it from your own experience that what you are doing is not correct . Your present life is in a mess because you are guilty of falling in love to a man when you had chosen to be a sanyasin. Though no body is punishing you for this but because your yard stick for measuring moral values were against this action so you are regretting and punishing yourself. Now also your yardsticks for moral value not correct that is why you are destroying your body and life by consuming harmful addictive things and living a immoral relationship. I assured her that if you wish any thing can be healed) but she was very adamant in her statement that I am not doing any thing wrong. When one is not ready to listen to others view point at all then how can other person help him.
Substitute healing -I asked her to see her husband, I wanted to heal him through her , because he is also suffering and is instrumental in driving her to adopt wrong message from his attitude . We continued the session. She was seeing him and cleansing going on in his mind. She said, so much suffering, so much tension is getting released. Now some venom type is coming from his mind. After removing those things, I asked her to see the origin of all these one by one and tried healing from the source. She said, ‘worries about business, past memory of sufferings and fear of future is causing all these in his mind. Q- What about venom, what is causing venom in his mind ? A –when I touch him, he feels it as if snakes are rolling in his mind. Q –Why is this happening? There must be some source for it, he loves you, than why he feels your touch so uncomfortable? Again she pointed to her mother in laws room and said, because she is praying, trying to overpower him, so that he should not be happy with me . She is doing all such things for wishing unhappiness for me. Because my intension was not to see who is having harmful intension towards whom, but to see from where the negativity is being projected and heal from the source. So I asked her to see her husband and ask for forgiveness because she herself had confessed that she had stifled him by being over demanding. So that he will feel relaxed. Seeing him in her vision, she said, he is shaking his head by saying forget about it. It’s all right. No he doesn’t want to be healed, he is happy the way our life is going on. I said but you are not happy with the relationship with your husband, that is why you are looking for something outside which he is not able to give you .She expressed her ,failure at making him willing for healing . Not seeing her able to succeed in convincing him for healing , I asked her to see her mother in law by explaining to her that our idea is not to diagnose why one is harming us , but to heal it . So we will heal your mother in law so that what ever she is meaning to harm you, she will not be able to do. She became ready and I started healing her mother in law. She responded, there is so much debris and black carbon type coming out from her heart. She is so much pained, that is why she is reflecting back all her pain at us. After healing she gave up, no I can’t clean all this. Its beyond my reach .So I decided to address other problems ,her affair, her addiction. I told her let us heal you from your extra marital relationship, she shook her head, ‘no, no, then there is nothing left in my life . I will die, if I have to leave him. I said at least addiction. Again she refused saying no I want to enjoy all these things for two more years. Then I will leave my self, I have got this confidence in me .There after she stopped coming to me for healing. But I heard she had become staunch devotee to Saga Gogoi International Buddhist manta chanting. As long as she is trying to seek some inner connection, I am hopeful that slowly she is acquiring that energy to accept the truth and make amends to evolve from the web of this continuous cycle of following pain and suffering.
Lesson- 1- Dreams have got some purpose and message. Dreams are projected from somewhere .Since we don’t understand the meaning behind it ,we think ,its just a waste ,a time pass and imagination . How she was connecting to dead people in dreams because she was in severe depression. These spirits were attracting her to their world of illusion.
2- When one is unconscious, his conscious is stuck somewhere in a negative place .Praying for such people is really helpful for them rather than worrying, crying, sympathizing and missing them .
3- Hallucination is not a mere imagination of things from no where, there is some connection from any life time with such imaginative figures or incidents, they are relaying that memory , which others can not see because it had connection only with affected person, but clairvoyant can see what is around affected person’s aura. .
4-Our spark of divinity, our conscious keeps talking to us through our deity, guru or in the words of known people around us. But we prefer not to hear it, relegating it to our mind playing trick on us giving names like hallucination or imagination.
5-Wandering spirit is a reality , she not only saw her father in law wandering in her house thinking that his children are small and he has left his duty unfinished. He can not realize that neither he can do any thing nor were people aware of his presence.
6-She her self remembers becoming an infatuated soul when she died young and her husband missed her so much. Later when she was released, she doesn’t know how, ( may be some healing ,or special prayers) her guide was annoyed with them for wasting time on earth after abandoning physical body.
6-Godly energies are around us ,with whom we form connection by worship or prayers . These energies are always guiding us but we have not opened up our perceptual window to understand their messages. We are more focused on physical senses and material object.
7- Psychic attack can be sensed and if our aura is weak, we can be badly harmed by it. And only those who are karmikally linked to reap the evil effect and weak aura people due to negative thinking will be effected. That is why positive thinking, raising our vibratory level, protecting it by various means is advised .So that we can not get effected by such negative forces. All this is a game of which ever side weighs heavier in our aura negative vs positive.
8 We are all old souls, we have lived many lives and have been together with few people with whom we have some relationship. Basically relationship is a practical way of learning. It is demonstration platform for testing our acquired virtues and judging our vices.
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