Child neuropsychologist Valentina Paevskaya

Child neuropsychologist Valentina Paevskaya A specialist in early childhood, a practising child psychologist and a neuropsychologist.

09/03/2026

One of the most harmful pieces of advice you can give a parent is to teach a child to deal with anger by hitting a pillow with a stick, throwing ice, or smashing plates.

Think about what we are actually teaching the child: when you are angry, hit something.
Break something.
Destroy something.

But a young child does not yet fully understand what is happening inside them. They may not recognize the emotion or understand why they feel this way. Very often, they are simply tired or overstimulated.

Instead of helping them understand what is happening, we focus their attention on the act of hitting or destroying something.
We are essentially teaching them: anger = destruction.

And then the child goes out into the world, to preschool, school, the playground. The same pattern can kick in automatically. Except now there may be no pillow, ice, or plate nearby. There are other children. There are toys and objects that can be broken. Who will they hit? A classmate standing next to them.

When we deliberately connect anger with hitting, throwing, smashing, or breaking things, we ourselves reinforce a pattern of destruction.

So what if children say “I don’t want to” at first? They just need time to try, figure it out, see their first results, ...
09/02/2026

So what if children say “I don’t want to” at first?

They just need time to try, figure it out, see their first results, and get interested.

Children need an environment of enthusiastic peers — not gadgets 24/7.

08/30/2026

Could she be saying this because she wants to hear that she is beautiful, kind, and smart? That is the first possibility that comes to mind.

But in general, our self-esteem always depends on what we CAN DO. So I would suggest thinking about the following:
▫️What can your daughter do around the house, and what household responsibilities does she have? What can she cook? Does she take care of her own shoes, for example?
▫️How independent is she for her age? What areas of her life is she already fully responsible for? Does she clean her own room? Does she pack everything she needs for her activities by herself?
▫️And what about sports? Where does she have to push herself and see the results of her own effort?

I would also recommend a theater class in this situation. It can help her work through insecurity, anxiety, fear of public speaking, and similar challenges.

08/29/2026

▪️When you have no experience, being afraid is completely normal. Support your daughter and pay for a career coach. It is very important for her to learn how to write a resume and handle job interviews. That will take away much of the fear and give her confidence.

▪️Set a timeline.
Here I’ll share my own experience.
I have two nieces whom I moved from a small town to the capital. I paid for their education and covered their rent for a while. But from the very beginning, I made it clear that every form of support I gave them had an end date. We always agreed on that date in advance, so that by the time it came, the girls would be ready to take over all their own expenses.

I told my sons the same thing:

1. If you go to college, I will support you for as long as you are studying. But starting in your third year, I expect you to get a part-time job and pay for the things you want yourself.

2. If you don’t go to college, you start working. From that point, I will support you for exactly one year, which is enough time to get on your feet, move out, and support yourself from then on.

Here at Valentina Paevskaya we talk about what parents can do to preserve their child’s intrinsic motivation and to teach them how to earn, save, and become independent.

08/28/2026

Don’t scold them, don’t lecture them, but don’t rescue them either.

Give them their next allowance only on the day of the week they normally receive it, and give them exactly the same amount as usual.

Children need to learn that their financial decisions have consequences. And it is completely normal for them to spend everything at once, especially at ages 5–7.
I call the first allowance “practice money.”
It is much better to practice as a child and learn how all this works than to end up living on credit cards as an adult.

At Valentina Paevskaya , we talk about how to:
▪️set clear financial rules within the family;
▪️teach children to value what they already have;
▪️handle the endless “buy me this” and “I want that” when you are tired of giving in;
▪️give allowance the right way, so children learn to save and, later in life, live within their means.

🤍🤍
08/26/2026

🤍🤍

08/26/2026

In any situation involving even the slightest tension or discomfort, a young child may react in the same way — with protest and tears.

Whether it is walking instead of riding in the stroller, putting away their toys, or cleaning their dirty shoes after a walk.

This is completely normal for a child whose frontal lobes are still immature and whose ability to use willpower is still developing. The same applies to sports.

A sports class is a safe environment where a child learns to push through “I don’t want to” and keep going through “I can’t.” This is where they build willpower, learn to work through anxiety, and develop the ability not to give up at the first sign of difficulty.

Dropping an activity simply because your child gets upset before going into class is a losing strategy. You are taking away a training ground that, in a safe environment, is preparing them for the real challenges of adult life.

❗️The main thing for parents to look at is what happens after the class. If your child leaves happy, it means they reached a point of challenge during the activity and managed to work through it. And that directly builds self-esteem.

Here is the rule I suggest: give any activity at least 10 sessions, and watch your child after each one. If they come out happy (even if they went in crying), you have found an area of growth, and it is worth continuing.

If they cry both before and after the class, then something is not working, and it may be better to try a different activity.

08/20/2026

If you don't build your child's willpower — if you never teach them to push through "I don't want to," and you never set boundaries or rules — it means one thing: you're confident you'll be able to preserve and grow enough wealth to support your child for life.

Without willpower and the ability to stay focused on difficult and boring tasks, a child does not become an independent adult.
The frontal lobes involved in these skills develop through regular exposure to effort and challenge, in sports, during moments of boredom, and through everyday household responsibilities.

Removing every form of strain from parenting in the name of a child’s “freedom” is a losing strategy.

Parents come to me because they want to understand how their child’s brain works at every stage of development: when to push a little, when to let them rest, and what to do to help them reach their full natural potential.

08/19/2026

1. Who says archaeologists do not earn much? In any profession, there are people who earn very little and people who earn a lot. The real question is how you develop the potential of that profession.

2. Next summer, I would suggest sending your child to an archaeology camp or a real dig so that he can get a closer look at the profession he dreams about. And at age 11–12, it would be great to enroll him in a business program for kids. Who knows, maybe he will come up with his own way to turn his interest in archaeology into a successful project.

3. Make it a weekend habit to watch shows like MythBusters and How It’s Made together, along with programs about space, technology, genetics, and engineering. It will help him discover other fields and see that there is a much bigger world beyond archaeology.

And do not worry about it too early. Your child will change his mind many more times, he has not even reached adolescence yet.

The fact that your child already has interests of his own is wonderful. This is exactly how children learn to enjoy learning, not because Mom says they have to, but because of their own intrinsic motivation. He is doing great!

Address

South Plainfield, NJ

Opening Hours

Monday 9am - 5pm
Tuesday 9am - 5pm
Wednesday 9am - 5pm
Thursday 9am - 5pm
Friday 9am - 5pm

Website

Alerts

Be the first to know and let us send you an email when Child neuropsychologist Valentina Paevskaya posts news and promotions. Your email address will not be used for any other purpose, and you can unsubscribe at any time.

Contact The Practice

Send a message to Child neuropsychologist Valentina Paevskaya:

Shortcuts

Share