The Long Goodbye, The Lasting Love: A Father-Daughter Alzheimer’s Journey

  • Home
  • The Long Goodbye, The Lasting Love: A Father-Daughter Alzheimer’s Journey

The Long Goodbye, The Lasting Love: A Father-Daughter Alzheimer’s Journey A journey — the challenges and changes, but also the comedy and laughs that have come (and will keep coming).

18/08/2026

Over the past couple of days I have had the harsh reminder of just how nasty this disease is.

One of my dad's closest friends called me the other day to check in. He started the call with "Niece, how's your dad going, he seems...". My response was factual. It honestly, just came out, without thinking about the impact it would have on him. My response was simple, he's doing ok...he's progressing as you can tell. I told him he is around the mindset of a 6 or 7 year old at this time, as far as where he is in his independence and functioning. I could tell when I said that, that it hit him...the reality of my father's decline. After I hung up, it hit me...maybe I could have softened the way I brought "him up to speed", because it was a very factual tone and statement. I lacked empathy for how one of my dad's longest friends may have been impacted by that information. Made me question myself, am I becoming desensitized?

One thing I know is that everybody handles the reality of this disease, differently and I cannot hold that against any person. My thoughts throughout the day after that call were simple...another friend, gone.

Please know that I do not mean that in a rude or hurtful way, or to speak any malice against my dad's friend...unfortunately it is a reality to which I have accustomed to. I have said it here before and it took me a long time to wrap my mind around it, but not everyone can handle loosing someone, the way that my father is being lost. Now in my heart of hearts, do I hope I am wrong...ABSOLUTELY. These are the times where I am 100% ok with being proven wrong.

Over the past few weeks it has become more evident that my dad doesn't know where he is or where he is living. For the longest he has thought he is living in Arkansas and if I had to place a state of residence on it...I'd say that is where he is at now in his world.

What I do know is that he does not realize, most days, that he is living in his own home. This weekend I made him lunch and placed it on the counter for him. He knocked on my door about 1:30p asking if I would make him something to eat, cause he was hungry. So I walked over to his side of the house, to make him something to eat, only to find the lunch I had made earlier was still sitting there. When I showed him the food that I made him a little while earlier, he told me he saw it but he wasn't sure if it was his. He thought that the man that owned the place had left that, he didn't know that I had made it for him.

Needless to say, when I reassured him it was his and that I had made it, he was real fat kid happy lol. Sat outside on the porch in his chair and of course told me "I don't care what anybody says, I got a good daughter". Of course, I always tell him...he ain't got a choice but to say that lol.

Then there are days like today, where things happen and it makes me question....am I really a good daughter.

This morning, I left for work and we did our normal morning routine. I came over, woke him up by yelling "good morning ol man" as I entered the house. Got him his water and his meds, while I warmed up his little sausage biscuits. He did his normal "fussing" about waking him up, when I know he was sleeping good and of course I reminded him that if I got to get up...he does too lol. I told him I'd see him when I got home from work and told him I loved him. He told me he's got more love for me and I told him that's not possible. As I got in my car to backout, he stood in the doorway watching.

His caregiver, Daze, got to the house about 11am like she usually does, and then I got a text. She asked me if he burnt something in the kitchen and I told her not that I know of, from when I was there this morning. Now, my dad has a history of microwaving things to long and so the burnt smell lingers in the house. She told me the smell was pretty bad, so I immediately went to look at the camera to see what may have happened.

That's when I watched and saw, what has scared me the most, in our entire journey. My dad put his breakfast sandwiches in the microwave and proceeded to walk over to the sink in the kitchen and brush his teeth. During that time, he brushed his teeth three times (from putting new toothpaste on the toothbrush, brushing, spitting the whole thing) and had no idea that the microwave was even going. As I am watching him brush his teeth for the third time, I see the smoke starting to come out of the microwave...and my daddy, just kept brushing his teeth. It was about 45 seconds of smoke when he went over to the microwave and opened the door. He went to reach and pull the food out but did not, I think he realized it was hot. So he left the door open for a second...then he came back and pulled out two very charred sausage biscuits.

He proceeded to take out the microwave glass plate, wash it, dry it, and then put it back into the microwave as if nothing ever happened.

When Daze asked him about it, he had no idea what she was talking about. He told her the guy who owns the place must have done something. He told her that some guy who owns the place brought him the sandwiches.

So as of today, August 17th at 8:52pm here is what I do know...today scared me. Today was the first day, down the hardest part of this journey yet, which is my biggest fear...becoming my reality. Keeping my daddy safe.

Today, we got lucky. Today, he opened up the microwave in time for there not to be a real fire...but the reality is...it could have been. The reality is that we were probably a minute or so away from the microwave catching on fire and then what?

So now, I am in "survival mode". Simply put, figure out the the plan to keep him safe and deal with the emotions later. The immediate plan...have his caregiver come in earlier, but I am also aware that that is not a permanent fix to this very sh*tty journey we are on. The question that I have continually asked myself, is when will I know its time for me to start looking at options outside of the home for my dad. My answer has always been, until you cannot keep him safe.

Today, I was not able to keep him safe. Today, we were lucky.

07/06/2026

So it has been a minute since I’ve written, so let me bring yall up to speed!

My auntie Vel came to visit us 🥰

She called me on a Friday and said niece I’ll be there on Tuesday to see my brother and give you a break. I won’t lie…I was nervous and it shot my anxiety thru the roof the Monday night before she got here. It had been a while since she’s seen my dad and truthfully I was nervous of if he would recognize her. What would it be like when she got to the house and I was at work? Would he remember her? One of the biggest worries…lord please don’t let this man hit on his own sister 🙄

I know…sounds crazy right! It’s just the truth lol if there’s one thing that has NOT changed about my daddy is his love for women 😂 . Sometimes the only way I can get him to shower is if I tell him ain’t no woman gonna want his stank behind…especially if they smell what I’m smelling. Don’t judge! A girls gotta do what she’s gotta do to make sure he showers 🤷🏽‍♀️

I’m so glad she came, we all needed it. He needed time with his sister, she need time to be with her brother and lord I can only imagine where he took her with his mind and stories lol. I needed it, I needed the break…and selfishly I needed someone from the family to see where we are in this journey. Someone else besides me to truly see, not hear, where my dad is at.

Needless to say, the progression continues and some days he seems further along and other days he appears to not be as far. This disease is a tricky one…it’s like being in an escape room, but there needs exit. There’s no exit but just even you think we may be on the right path and hitting and making some type of progress, here comes a puzzle to solve that seems impossible.

Prior to her coming down, my aunt Cathy held my feet to the fire. I had a phone number that Katie gave me for her friend, that does caregiving She made me pull the trigger on a new chapter that truthfully I was putting off…getting my dad a caregiver.

While that sounds simple…it’s really not. Outside of finding the right person, there’s also how can I afford this? But the biggest hurdle…acknowledging I needed help. The pride of being the one who always fixes the problem, or figures out a way had to be set to the side and accept that I’m no longer able to do this alone.

So I was lucky enough to meet and “interview” our caregiver with the help of my aunt Vel. My aunt hit it on the head…she’ll be good and he won’t give her any issues…she’s beautiful. Now yall may think, damn that’s kind of shallow…mmmm it’s the truth! The easiest way to get my big baby to do anything is to tie it to a woman. Ya breathe stank…ain’t no woman gonna talk to you, teeth brushed ✅. Ya looking real scruffy with this “hair”…let me shave his head ✅. Don’t no woman want a man with talons in they feet, you gonna cut they legs off at night…toe nails clipped ✅

Now I do have to say…I don’t know how Daze does it lol but she does. Everyday he showers, puts on fresh clothes, but most importantly he gets out! He gets out and interacts with people, goes to the park…he’s out in the streets! And everyday I can tell there is a joy about within him. He may not know what he did that day or even truly remember who Daze is, but everyday he looks happy. Gone are the days of him just living in “his world”.

Now I will admit, this single parent life is no joke lol. For the single parents with kids in daycare…I’m sorry! I used to say I don’t know how people do it with the cost of living and THEN daycare costs on top of it but the reality is when you have to do it, you find a way. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for my old man…even if I have to go with at the Pink Pussycat up the street!

Calm down, I promise I’m not working at the club however…City Highs song What Would You Do is REAL! If you don’t know about that song, you need to listen to it. No Calvin isn’t at home alone and crying on the bedroom floor cause he’s hungry but I may be cause he’s getting all my moneys🤣 but I wouldn’t change it for anything.

It’s crazy how much I didn’t realize I needed the help. Since having a caregiver, my level of worry during the day which I didn’t even realize I had, is almost gone. I still worry about all of the other things any “parent” would worry about when their child is at daycare, because that’s the reality of where we are. We are at the point where while my dad can still move and function, he needs the adult to take care of him.

We are fortunate enough to have Daze for about 6 hours a day throughout the work week. He’s getting home cooked meals or fresh and healthier lunch/dinners everyday. He’s getting up and out, moving his body. She’s helping me and including him with stuff around the house like laundry and cleaning. So the weekends are no longer stressful or spent trying to figure out how can I do things like clean the whole house, at the drop of a dime, if someone comes by and picks him up to go out to lunch.

So as we continue this newest chapter, the one of having help, the disease continues to progress but our health is improving. For that I am grateful ☺️

O yea…he clocks me daily! lol if I’m not home by 6:00 I’m getting the call…”girl where you at?” or “daughter did you get lost, did you forget where you live?”

Until the next update…

25/01/2026

We’ve cleared 2025 and are settling in for 2026. We had an appointment recently with the Byrd Alzheimer’s Clinic at USF, we have on every 6 months. They’ve been moved to virtual sessions, which are MUCH easier for me.

The appointments for daddy are easy, he talks to the doctor and she asks him a few questions about he’s feeling. Previously they were in person, he’d have to do different cognitive function tests like draw a clock with a specific time, or remember 3-4 words and recite them back after a few minutes. He hasn’t had those the past three visits, as the doctor truthfully shared there is no point. My dad isn’t able to do those “simple” things anymore. So rather then have him do these tests and become frustrated, it’s just a conversation now at the appointments.

At the appointment she asked me what my plan for care is for daddy. I quickly responded he’ll be at home until he no longer can be, that’s what I promised him. There were the questions about how do I ensure he’s safe, what supports we have, etc.

I explained the camera in the house, how I check in morning and afternoon/evening, I make sure he gets his meds daily, all of those things. She the focused on who else helps, outside of me…who helps with his care. Truthfully I just paused…because the answer outside of my sister is no one. It’s me.

She asked about people coming to visit or get him out of the house or even just coming to sit with him…and my response once again was…me.

Don’t get me wrong people call my dad, often and it’s appreciated. The ones who call him are beginning to realize the decline and his deficits. People text or call and say hey have your dad call me…I hate to break it to you folks, he isn’t able to retain that he’s supposed to call you back when I tell him, or he doesn’t know who you are. So truthfully, I stopped telling him.

I know…how dare I do such a thing. Truthfully, it’s not about you, it about my dad and me. Nobody has to see the confusion or frustration that comes behind him not knowing a persons name or even their face if there’s a picture to reference.

He’s at a point where days he knows my name but doesn’t remember I’m his daughter and is surprised to learn at the age of 73 that he has a daughter he didn’t know about. Or he recognizes and says “I’ll tell the world I have the best daughter” but doesn’t remember my name.

Yesterday he called in a panic because a letter about extended warranty on our house was in the mailbox. Now when he called the story was he needed to collect documents cause he got this big time letter and the man said if he doesn’t turn in the paperwork we will have to move. The letter was simply an advertisement letter trying to sell extended warranty coverage. It’s wild how the brain works and creates its own story, which is very different than what is actually real. 

As this disease progresses and the load gets heavier, I truthfully have moments where I think, I don’t know if I’m really built for what is to come. Yea it’s easy to say look into assisted leaving but the truth is…that’s not truly a reality. Many people don’t know that ALFs cost approximately $4,000/month and no Medicare doesn’t pay for any of it. Well what about Medicaid? Suprise my good people…my dads $3000 a month he gets between social security and his IRA is to much income to qualify for Medicaid. And no, Medicare doesn’t cover the cost of caregivers either. So when I tell people I’m a single parent or I get what parents talk about with childcare and expenses of having a child(ren), I really do.

But what I do know is, I love my daddy. That no matter a good day or a bad day, I’m still his “heartbeat”. On the days when I question how am I supposed to do this or why was I given this load to carry, I hear my mom tell me “because you are my daughter, a child of God, and he never gives you more then you can carry”. I’ve learned that I will NEVER understand the why but I have learned that even my hardest days are followed by beautiful skies…so I hold on to that.

Address


33601–33626, 33629–33631, 33633–33635, 33637, 33646, 33647, 33650, 33655,

Website

Alerts

Be the first to know and let us send you an email when The Long Goodbye, The Lasting Love: A Father-Daughter Alzheimer’s Journey posts news and promotions. Your email address will not be used for any other purpose, and you can unsubscribe at any time.

Shortcuts

  • Want your practice to be the top-listed Clinic?

Share