09/08/2026
Notes on a Scream
New Substack Drop. Link in bio. No paywall. I had to write this piece because it captures the guilt I feel and I know so many of us feel when we are asked, “Don’t you have a good memory of him? It can’t have been all bad. He can’t have been all bad.” I don’t. It wasn’t but he made it feel like it. He wasn’t.
My dad did some very kind things that I remember, like the time he made me an giant 2x4 blue tooth brush when I went as a tube of tooth paste for Halloween. But I remember that night was so joyous because he gave me this nice thing and then I went away with my friends where I was safe to be a kid while he stayed home and got drunk alone. This is the hard part of reconciling the truth of a vulnerable narcissist’s cruelty, there are so many times I know I was not the object of his ire, I was just his collateral damage. But despite me not being an intentional target, I still experienced the terror of his temper and the fear that he would move from emotional to physical to deadly violence, if only accidentally. Check out the full article for more context and my other article available right now with no paywall, “WHEN THE ABUSED BECOMES THE ABUSER.”
https://drbotyler.substack.com/p/can-you-have-happy-memories-with?r=5tjjxk&utm_medium=ios