Hayley Perkins Counselling, Psychotherapy & Hypnotherapy Services

01/08/2026

I woke up thinking about this message.

"I didn't realise my anger was trying to protect me."

Because I know exactly what that feels like.
I've never shared this publicly before.

In my twenties, I spent seven years with a man who abused me. Mentally. Physically. Slowly, relentlessly, he chipped away at what little self-worth I had.

One night, after two hours of insults and punches, I ran. I got into my car. He followed me outside.

What happened next is still a blur, but one moment has never left me.

I remember feeling terror... and underneath it, a bubbling rage I could no longer contain.
I drove straight at him with every intention of running him over.
He jumped out of the way.

For years I felt so ashamed of that moment, who had I become?

Now I see it differently.

That anger wasn't the problem.
It was the part of me that finally refused to tolerate what I'd been surviving for seven years.

It wasn't trying to hurt.
It was trying to protect.

That's why this feedback means so much to me. So many women arrive believing their anger, anxiety or overwhelm is something they need to get rid of.

I don't believe that.

I believe every emotion has a purpose.
Every protective part has a story.
And when we stop judging them and start listening...
Everything changes.

Sometimes the emotion you've spent years trying to silence is the very thing that's been trying to save you all along.

H 🙏🏻

30/07/2026

I've outgrown my identity as the "STRONG ONE".

It's probably been one of the hardest identities to let go of. Not because I wanted to be strong, but because for a very long time I believed I had to be. Being the one who coped, who carried on, who held everything together became so much more than something I did. It became who I believed I was.

I remember about two years into my relationship with Gary, he said something that HIT me like a ton of bricks!!!!.

"I thought you were really strong."

I know he meant it as a compliment, but it landed somewhere much deeper than that.

I'd spent those first couple of years trying to soften. Trying to put down the armour I'd worn for so much of my life. Trying to let someone see the parts of me that were tired, vulnerable and didn't always have it all together.

When he said those words, it felt as though I'd been exposed.

Almost as though he'd caught a glimpse of something I was trying to hide. Somewhere inside me was a belief that if I wasn't the strong one anymore, then maybe I'd become weak.

That's the difficult part about outgrowing an identity.

The identity itself often isn't the problem. It's what that identity has been protecting.

When you've spent years being the capable one, the dependable one, the one everyone leans on, taking that armour off doesn't feel liberating at first. It feels raw. It feels uncomfortable. It feels vulnerable.

Because for so long, that armour convinced you it was keeping you safe.

These days, I see strength very differently.

I don't think it's found in never needing anyone, always coping or carrying everything on your own.

I think real strength is feeling safe enough to let the armour come off.

To be seen.
To receive support.
To admit you're tired.

To know that who you are is enough, even when you're not being the strong one.

And for me, that's been the biggest identity shift of all.

H 💚💚💚

22/07/2026

One thing I've noticed over the last decade is how quickly we label difficult childhood experiences as trauma.

Please don't misunderstand me. Trauma exists. Abuse exists. Neglect exists. And those experiences leave profound wounds.
But not every painful memory is trauma.
No parent gets it right all the time.

Every parent loses their patience. Says the wrong thing. Gets it wrong. They're human.

If we stop distinguishing between imperfect parenting and genuine abuse, we lose something important.

Discernment.

As a therapist, I worry that we're becoming increasingly uncomfortable with the reality that relationships are messy. Families are messy. Love and hurt often exist in the same story.

Sometimes distance is absolutely necessary. But not every difficult relationship needs ending.

Perhaps the question isn't always, "Who do I need to cut out of my life?"

Perhaps it's also, "How do I become someone who can hold complexity, navigate imperfection and heal without needing everyone else's humanity to disappear?"

I don't believe healing comes from rewriting our past into something it wasn't.

I believe it comes from understanding it clearly enough that we can choose who we become next.

Hayley

08/07/2026

Have you ever wondered how a lobster grows?

It doesn't grow a bigger shell.
It grows until the shell that once protected it becomes too small.

Too tight.
Too restrictive.

Eventually, it has no choice.
It cracks the shell open, leaves it behind and, for a while, it's exposed.

Vulnerable.

Before a new shell forms.

We aren't that different. We spend years trying to stay inside identities that no longer fit. Shells that once protected us...

But now keep us small, restricted

We stay loyal to identities that have long since stopped serving us.

And this is the part we resist.

The shedding.
The exposed bit.

The space between who we were and who we’re becoming.

But you can’t grow inside a shell that no longer fits. At some point, you have to let the old version crack.

Enough for the truth to get in.
Enough for something new to form.

That’s where the work begins.

Be more lobster!

H 🦞 🦞 🦞

08/07/2026

My morning reflection... 💛

Trust has always been one of my highest values.

Nothing hurts me more than someone breaking my trust......

But this morning I asked myself a question.....

If trust is one of my highest values, why have I spent years breaking my own? 🤔

Ignoring the knot in my stomach because I didn't want to disappoint someone.

Saying yes when every part of me was screaming no.

Staying in relationships long after I knew they were over.

Crossing my own boundaries because someone else's needs felt more important than mine.

Breaking promises I'd made to myself.....and never calling it betrayal.

That's the bit ⬆️

I'd judged other people for breaking my trust, while repeatedly breaking my own.

It made me realise something about values.

Most of us only apply them outwards.
If kindness is your value, you're kind to everyone else.

If integrity is your value, you keep your word to everyone else.

If trust is your value, you're someone everyone else can rely on.

But what if your values were never meant to stop at other people?

Are you kind to yourself?
Do you keep your word to yourself?
Can you rely on you?

Because maybe the greatest act of self-abandonment isn't losing yourself.

It's expecting yourself to live by a completely different set of values than the ones you offer everyone else.

For years, my values included everyone.....except me.

And I have a feeling I'm not the only one.

So I'm curious...

Which of your values do you give freely to everyone else, but struggle to offer yourself?

Hayley 💛

07/07/2026

Are you straddling two worlds?

The capable one. The independent one. The one who holds it all together and the part of you that’s done with that way of living.

This constant pull between the two is exhausting.

Are you ready to change that?

If you’re ready to start disrupting those patterns instead of repeating them… come and work with me, 1:1, in-person half-day immersive

We'll slow everything down.
We'll see the patterns that have been running your life.
And we disrupt them — in real time.

You won’t leave the same.
Because you won’t be able to unsee what’s actually been driving you.

A half day that will bring so much into the light and a plan move forward.

Here's the link
5 available at this price

https://app.moonclerk.com/pay/7158ddcfg302

03/07/2026

02/07/2026

Yesterday I heard someone say:

"You find the teeth to match your wounds."

This is so true, well it has been for me.

Not because I think we consciously go looking for people who'll hurt us.

But because I do wonder whether our wounds have a way of recognising something before our minds do.

A woman who has spent years believing she has to earn her place somehow keeps finding herself in relationships where she's forever trying to prove her worth.
Someone who learnt that love was unpredictable is strangely drawn to people who are exactly that.
The person terrified of rejection somehow keeps choosing situations where they have to chase, convince or wait.

Coincidence?
Maybe.
Maybe not.

What if our wounds aren't just memories?
What if they're lenses?
What if they quietly influence who we trust, who we admire, who we excuse, what we overlook and, perhaps most importantly, what feels normal?

I see it in my therapy room all the time.

People don't choose their pain.
But they do choose from the identity that pain helped create.
Until one day they don't.

That's when everything changes.

Not because the world suddenly fills with different people.
Because the old ones no longer fit.
Maybe that's what healing really is.
Not becoming someone new.

But becoming someone your old wounds no longer recognise.

Hayley x

30/06/2026

Great advise 💚