The Integrative Sexologist

06/05/2025

Most women enter perimenopause thinking something is wrong with them.
They’re told to push through. To try harder. To ignore the signs and stay “productive.”
But your body is not malfunctioning—it’s messaging you.

Perimenopause is a transition. Not a punishment.

It’s a biologically natural, hormonally dynamic phase where your body is trying to:

* Reorganise its rhythms

* Recalibrate its metabolism

* Rebalance your stress response

* Shift how it processes energy, emotions, and hormones

If you’ve felt confused, foggy, inflamed, irritable, or exhausted—there’s a reason.

And it’s not that you’re weak, broken, or “too much.”
It’s that your nervous system, hormones, and brain chemistry are shifting in real time.

Once you understand the phase—nutritionally, emotionally, hormonally—you can begin to support it with clarity instead of criticism.

That’s where empowerment lives.

Not in pretending nothing’s changed.
But in learning what actually has—and how to respond with the kind of care midlife requires.

Let’s stop surviving. Let’s start supporting and Understanding this new Chapter of life!

06/07/2022

“Our partner's s*xuality does not belong to us. It isn't just for and about us, and we should not assume that it rightfully falls within our jurisdiction.”

― Esther Perel, Mating in Captivity: Reconciling the Erotic and the Domestic
📷:
*xualhealth *xtherapy *xpositivity *xuality *xuality *xuality

04/07/2022

How do our attachment styles affect us in the bedroom?

Attachment theory was developed in the 1950s by psychologist Mary Ainsworth and psychiatrist John Bowlby. Research has shown that our attachment style is shaped and developed in early childhood in response to our relationship with our earliest caregivers.

It is thought that our attachment styles mirror the dynamic we had with our primary caregivers as infants and children.

There are four main attachment styles - Anxious, Avoidant, Disorganised & Secure

Anxious - often worry their partner will leave them, deep fear of abandonment, more clingy & insecure attachment style.

Avoidant - fear of intimacy, often struggle getting close to people & trusting others. Relationships can make them feel suffocated. Emotionally unavailable.

Disorganised - a combination of anxious & avoidant. Desperately crave affection and also want to avoid it at all costs. The have a deep need to feel loved, and yet reluctant to develop close romantic relationships.

Secure - loves & accepts love. Not afraid of intimacy, and don’t feel panic when their partner needs time or space from them. Find it relatively easy to get close to others.

Often our s*xual behaviour as adults can be driven by attempts for a perceived lack of love and security. Anxiously attached people can sometimes try and satisfy their needs for approval and desire in unhealthy ways. Where as secure attached people will tend to seek out long term relationships and are less likely to engage in casual s*x and generally have a more positive s*xual self.

The great part of being able to identify your attachment style is that not only can you work on the areas that may not be helpful in your adult relationships, but you can also be aware of your partners and what their possible needs are, so you can both work towards a relationship that feels loving, safe and healthy.
*xpositivity *xuality *xuality *xuality *xology *xcoach

04/07/2022

How do our attachment styles affect us in the bedroom?

Attachment theory was developed in the 1950s by psychologist Mary Ainsworth and psychiatrist John Bowlby. Research has shown that our attachment style is shaped and developed in early childhood in response to our relationship with our earliest caregivers.

It is thought that our attachment styles mirror the dynamic we had with our primary caregivers as infants and children.

There are four main attachment styles - Anxious, Avoidant, Disorganised & Secure

Anxious - often worry their partner will leave them, deep fear of abandonment, more clingy & insecure attachment style.

Avoidant - fear of intimacy, often struggle getting close to people & trusting others. Relationships can make them feel suffocated. Emotionally unavailable.

Disorganised - a combination of anxious & avoidant. Desperately crave affection and also want to avoid it at all costs. The have a deep need to feel loved, and yet reluctant to develop close romantic relationships.

Secure - loves & accepts love. Not afraid of intimacy, and don’t feel panic when their partner needs time or space from them. Find it relatively easy to get close to others.

Often our s*xual behaviour as adults can be driven by attempts for a perceived lack of love and security. Anxiously attached people can sometimes try and satisfy their needs for approval and desire in unhealthy ways. Where as secure attached people will tend to seek out long term relationships and are less likely to engage in casual s*x and generally have a more positive s*xual self.

The great part of being able to identify your attachment style is that not only can you work on the areas that may not be helpful in your adult relationships, but you can also be aware of your partners and what their possible needs are, so you can both work towards a relationship that feels loving, safe and healthy.
*xpositivity *xuality *xuality *xuality *xology *xcoach

30/06/2022

Guess what!?

Good s£x, GREAT S£X! It doesn’t just happen!

Sorry to burst the bubble…. but s£x isn’t like the movies, actually it can be much better! But that doesn’t just magically happen, you actually have to work at it and learn how to make it great! We often have ideas in our head, of what s£x “should” be like, and yet that can also be very limiting, and leaving us feeling uncomfortable if we feel like we don’t know what we are doing.

It would be fun to think we would just know what to do, or what someone else likes or doesn’t like, but that’s just not how life works. Anything great generally doesn’t come easily. Even in long relationships, where s£x may have become familiar, or through a life time of physical and emotional changes, s£x will sometimes need to be revisited with fresh eyes and an open, curious heart.

The best way, no matter where you are on your s£xual journey, to have a fulfilling and great s£x life is to talk about it with the person that you are choosing to have s*x with. Great S£x, no matter what that looks and feels like to you, is only as great as the conversations you are having with the person you are sharing it with.

You will change over your lifetime, and so will the person or people you are having s£x with, so just remember to keep learning and listening to yourself and others…. Great s£x can be awkward, fun, sensual, playful, £rotic, or****ic, and anything you want it to be… and most of all if is filled with consensual pleasure, and open communication… it won’t be limited, it will evolve over your lifetime, just like you!

*xpositivity *xuality *xuality *xuality *xology *xcoach

29/06/2022

“Intimacy is not something that just happens between two people; it is a way of being alive. At every moment, we are choosing either to reveal ourselves or to protect ourselves, to value ourselves or to diminish ourselves, to tell the truth, or to hide. To dive into life or to avoid it. Intimacy is making the choice to be connected to, rather than isolated from, our deepest truth as that moment.”

- Geneen Roth
*xpositivity *xuality *xuality *xuality *xology *xcoach

27/06/2022

How are we here in 2022?

As a human that has female reproductive organs it is hard to find the words to express the rage and deep sadness I feel about what has happened in the US.

I’ve reflected on what many people I know have gone through in making the decision to terminate a pregnancy. A decision that no matter the circumstances is never an easy choice. All these people had access to safe and legal medical procedures that allowed them full body autonomy and their right to choose what was best for them and their life.

In over turning R vs. W the US Supreme Court has stolen the right of choice, the right for a human-being to choose what’s best for them in safety and sovereignty. The fact the a rap.ist will have more legal rights than the woman that was ra.ped has over her own body is an incomprehensible horror. That a women who is at risk of dying from an ectopic pregnancy now will not have the right to choose her life over a medical procedure to save her..

Without R Vs. W, 26 states in the US are likely to ban ab.0rti0n to the fullest extent, 13 of these states will automatically enact bans because they have “trigger laws” meaning the laws come into affect within days of this passing.

Evidence shows that ab.0rti0n bans and restrictions do not reduce unintended pregnancy or the need for terminations. It also has a disproportionate impact on marginalised communities including LGBTQ, people of colour, low income groups and people with disabilities.

There were 930,000 terminations across the US in 2020, with more than 1 in 3 being needed in the states now likely to make it completely illegal.

There are another 25 countries and territories around the world where abor.tion is completely banned, and many where is is heavily restricted.

A study of unnecessary maternal mortality found that of the 42 million woman choosing to medically terminate a pregnancy, 20 million were unsafe, leading to one of the highest risks for maternal mortality globally.

Every human with female reproductive organs has a right to autonomy over their own bodies in safety and dignity… It’s a basic human right ♥️



Art:

23/06/2022

Did you know that many women prefer oral s£x for achieving or**sm, and yet many say they find it hard to ask for it.

Studies of heteros£xual relationships have historically shown that many women often don’t experience s£x that leads them to or**sm or their desired plea.sure.

The differences in how women and men experience and achieve org.asm can lead to unrealistic expectations and misinterpretations of our s£xual response.

Although some women do experience org.asm through vaginal pe*******on, most women need clit*ral stimulation and other body sensations to reach cli.max.

Remember.. Woman generally take between 20-40 mins to become fully arous£d. Everyone is different, and that is why learning about and exploring our own bodies, slowing down, communicating our needs and getting curious about each other helps all of us enjoy our s£xuality in its full spectrum.

Slow down, Get curious, Listen, we are all unique, and most of all, we all have a right to PL£ASURE x

*xuality *xuality *xuality *xology *xcoach *xualeducation

20/06/2022

The banana, the prop of choice in Sex-Ed class… 🍌

How often does the collection in a fruit bowl get used to relay something far more titillating… 💦

Between the melons and eggplants it’s not a wonder the communication around S🍑x has been filled with euphemisms.

How do we communicate our needs, wants, desires and importantly our “no” when are not comfortable using, or we don’t even have the anatomically correct language to be able to have these conversations..

When we use obscure language around s*xuality we imply secrecy, shame and negativity… the more we use positive and anatomically correct language, embarrassment and discomfort will gradually disappear. Ultimately encouraging open healthy communication.. which can lead to lots more fun and pleasure for everyone! 🥳💦🔥💋
*xpositivity # *xuality *xuality *xuality *xology *xcoach

18/02/2020

♥️

05/11/2019

Women working together... ♥️🙌🏼

My monthly newsletter to stay in touch and inspire reflection and action in areas that are important for your relational intelligence. In celebration of the release of my new podcast, How’s Work, this month's theme is: Relationship Dynamics in the Workplace.