17/07/2026
I DIDN’T KNOW I WAS GRIEVING
Growing up, we never heard the word grief, not because it didn’t exist, but because we simply didn’t have the language for it.
There was no social media, no podcasts, no endless stream of psychologists and therapists explaining emotional health. We didn’t have ChatGPT to ask difficult questions at two in the morning. Conversations about mental health, emotional wellbeing, or even the idea that our inner world deserved attention were rare.
In many ways, I feel our generation and those after us is fortunate. We have access to knowledge that many of our parents never had.
For the longest time, I thought grief meant only one thing: someone dies.
That was my definition, nothing more.
Looking back now, I realize I had been grieving long before death ever entered my life.
I grieved the loss of my first pet without knowing that was grief.
I grieved the young girl I used to be … the carefree, energetic, thin, light-hearted version of myself who suddenly became a wife, then a mother, before she had fully understood who she was. Life moved so quickly that I never stopped to notice I was saying goodbye to an earlier version of myself.
I grieved my divorce.
I grieved the friendship that quietly disappeared after my closest friend got married. There was no fight, no dramatic ending. We simply drifted apart until one day we were strangers with beautiful memories.
I never realized that change itself can be something we grieve.
Then my mother became ill, to me, my mother was indestructible, she was the strongest woman I knew. Independent. Capable. The kind of person you secretly believe will always remain exactly as she is.
Watching her become weak, dependent, and vulnerable felt like losing someone before they were actually gone.
I was grieving the mother I had always known while she was still sitting beside me.
If you want to read the rest of the blog and learn more about my journey with Grief, follow the link in bio
https://beitmariam.com/blog/f/i-didnt-know-i-was-grieving
