07/05/2026
Yesterday I helped settle my dad into respite care. ๐ก๐ค๐ด
And even though I know deep in my soul ๐โจ it is the safest ๐ซ and kindest ๐ธ place for him nowโฆ it still hurt. ๐ง๏ธ๐
Because love does that sometimes. โค๏ธโ๐ฉน
Love can break your heart ๐ and protect someone ๐๏ธ at the exact same time.
I think many carers ๐ฉโโค๏ธโ๐จ๐ซถ carry this silent guilt ๐ฟ โ the feeling that if we just loved harder โค๏ธ tried harder ๐ผ gave more of ourselves ๐คฒ maybe we could keep holding everything together. ๐งฉโจ
But there comes a moment when the body whispers ๐ค โIโm tired now too.โ ๐ซ
Dad has always been the strong one and held everything in. ๐ค And sitting there yesterday ๐ช answering questions ๐ for him, talking about care ๐ฅ routines ๐ฐ๏ธ medications ๐ safety ๐ชโฆ I realised how deeply I understand the fear ๐ of being somewhere vulnerable when your body is no longer coping. ๐ง๏ธ
And I saw my dad through my own eyes. ๐ฅบโจ
It brought so much back up for me from my own surgeries ๐ฅ and hospital experiences written about in my book Reclaiming Me. ๐โจ๐ฆ
And suddenly I wasnโt just supporting my dad. ๐คฒโค๏ธ I was trying to hold my own nervous system together too. ๐ฟ๐ซ๐ค
At one point I had to walk outside ๐ถโโ๏ธ๐ง๏ธ because I completely broke down in tears ๐ญ in the car park. ๐๐ I just needed a moment to breathe ๐ฌ๏ธ to collect myself ๐ธ because I knew I had to walk back in and be strong for him. ๐ซ๐ค
But if Iโm honestโฆ I am so tired. ๐๐ฅบ I'm only 8 weeks out from ๐ major surgery and I'm supposed to be taking it very easy.๐
And Iโm wondering ๐ if anyone else has ever experienced this strange mix of grief ๐ง๏ธ love โค๏ธ responsibility ๐คฒ guilt ๐ญ exhaustion ๐ค and triggering memories ๐ฟ all at once.
Because sometimes caring for someone you love deeply ๐ค also awakens the wounded parts inside yourself ๐๏ธ that still need tenderness too. ๐ธโจ
With L๐ฉตve,
Jennifer Dawn ๐โบ๏ธโค๏ธ๐ซโจ
