Bethel Counselling Services

25/08/2026

24/08/2026

24/08/2026

"Helping clients to stop, think, and act appropriately, rather than reacting quickly to their emotions."

The STOP Skill is from DBT - Distress Tolerance. It's for that moment when emotions want to take over and make you act impulsively.

The traffic light is the easiest way to remember it and teach it:

STOP = Don't act on the emotion. Pause, think, then choose.
S - STOP - The RED Light

Just stop. Freeze. Don't move, don't speak, don't act. Don't make it worse.

When the red light is on, you do nothing. That split second of not reacting is the whole skill. You are interrupting the automatic reaction.

Tell yourself: "Red light. Stop."

T - TAKE A STEP BACK - Still RED, taking a breath

Take a step back physically and mentally. Take a breath. Make space.

Take a deep breath in and out
Step away from the situation if you can
Don't let yourself be hooked. Give yourself a minute.
This is the pause between the red and yellow.

O - OBSERVE - The YELLOW Light

Yellow means think, get ready, look around. Observe what's actually happening.

What am I thinking and feeling right now?
What is happening around me? What are the facts?
What are my urges telling me to do, and what will happen if I do it?
What is my goal in this situation?
You're checking the intersection before you move.

P - PROCEED MINDFULLY - The GREEN Light

Now you act. Green means go, but go wisely.

Ask: What action will make this better, not worse? What fits my values and my long-term goals?
Act with awareness. Do what is effective for the situation.
You are choosing to go, not being driven by emotion.

How to teach it to clients:
1. The phrase: "Red light = Stop. Yellow light = Think. Green light = Go mindfully."

2. Practice when calm first:
Have them visualize a recent time they acted on emotion. Walk through the lights: Where could you have stopped? What would you have observed? What could you have done on green?

3. Make it physical:

Red: Hands up like a stop sign
Yellow: Hand on chest, breathing
Green: Hands forward, moving ahead
4. Simple worksheet prompt:

RED - What made me need to stop?
YELLOW - What did I notice? Thought: __ Feeling: __ Urge: __ Facts: __
GREEN - What did I choose to do instead?
The point isn't to stop feeling the emotion. The emotion can stay. The skill stops the action that the emotion is pushing for, so you can act appropriately instead.

The Traffic Light Signals Way

*Stop
*Observe
*Proceed

Bethel Counselling Services. Client Resources

17/08/2026

Hello, and welcome to Bethel Counselling Services. I'm Donato, and for more than three decades I've had the privilege of helping people find peace and happiness again — in themselves, in their relationships, and in their families.
At Bethel, we provide a safe, non-judgmental space where you will be heard and supported.
If you're ready to take the first step, we invite you to book a free 30-minute introductory consultation.

31/07/2026

Bethel Counselling Services — Supporting Couples for Over 30 Years.

We help couples improve communication, rebuild trust, and strengthen their relationship.

Start with a free, no-obligation 30-minute introductory consultation.

Tap below to arrange a time that suits you.

Free 30-Min Introductory Consultation

Learn More: Call us on 0466 066 421

We're here to listen because we care about your journey, whether it involves conflict resolution, family therapy, individual counselling, marriage counselling, or relationship counselling.

25/06/2026

Dr. Donato R Diele is recognized as an accredited member of:

10/05/2026

The Five Love Languages.

The 5 Love Languages. Love languages are the ways people show and receive love. When you and your partner use different languages, it can be difficult to communicate your feelings. By learning your partner’s love language— and helping them learn yours—you will be better able to share positive feelings.

09/05/2026

The rules of engagement when trying to resolve conflicts. This is called!

The Fair Fighting Rules

Before you begin, ask yourself why you feel upset.

Are you angry because your partner left the mustard on the counter? Or are you angry because you feel like you’re doing an uneven share of the housework, and this is just one more piece of evidence? Take time to think about your own feelings before starting an argument.

Discuss one topic at a time.

Don’t let “You left dishes in the sink” turn into “You watch too much TV.” Discussions that get off-topic are more likely to get heated and less likely to solve the original problem. Choose one topic and stick to it.

No degrading language.

Discuss the issue, not the person. No put-downs, swearing, or name-calling. Degrading language is an attempt to express negative feelings while making sure your partner feels just as bad. Doing so leads to more character attacks while the original issue is forgotten.

Express your feelings with words.

“I feel hurt when you ignore my phone calls.” “I feel scared when you yell.” Structure your sentences as “I” statements (“I feel emotion when the event”) to express how you feel while taking responsibility for your emotions. However, starting with “I” does not give a license to ignore the other fair fighting rules.

Take turns speaking.

Give your full attention while your partner speaks. Avoid making corrections or thinking about what you want to say. Your only job is to understand their point of view, even if you disagree. If you find it difficult to not interrupt, try setting a timer allowing 1-2 minutes for each person to speak without interruption.

No stonewalling.

Sometimes, the easiest way to respond to an argument is to retreat into your shell and refuse to speak. This is called stonewalling. You might feel better temporarily, but the original issue will remain unresolved, and your partner will feel more upset. If you absolutely cannot go on, tell your partner you need to take a time-out. Agree to resume the discussion later.

No yelling.

Yelling does not help anyone see your point of view. Instead, it sends the message that only your words matter. Even if yelling intimidates your partner into giving up, the underlying problem only grows worse.

Take a time-out if things get too heated.

In a perfect world, we would all follow these rules 100% of the time... but it just doesn’t work like that. If an argument starts to become personal or heated, take a time-out. Agree on a time to come back and discuss the problem after everyone has cooled down.

Attempt to come to a compromise or an understanding.

There isn’t always a perfect answer to an argument. Life is too messy for that. Do your best to come to a compromise (this means some give and take from both sides). If you can’t come to a compromise, simply taking the time to understand your partner’s perspective can help soothe negative feelings.

At Bethel Counselling Services we can help you communicate with your partner more effectively and help you both find ways to resolve your conflict in a health way. Please call us and make an appointment.

22/03/2026

If you are experiencing these symptoms, please consult your doctor or call us to make an appointment to help you manage these moods and overcome them with our specialised therapy that works well with you.