Blue Gum Centre for Psychology and Psychotherapy

26/03/2026

In recent years, we have become increasingly aware of the additional challenges and turmoil created by menopause for autistic women. For example, many women experience autistic burnout during peri-menopause and menopause. In this course, we describe the challenges and risks of menopause for autistic...

10/02/2026

Mode Spotlight: Punitive Critic Mode

In Schema Therapy, modes are the moment-to-moment emotional states and coping responses we experience. Today, we’re focusing on the Punitive Critic mode (also known as the punitive parent mode).

This mode sounds like an internal punisher. It tells us we deserve criticism, shame, or punishment. The narrative of the punitive critic is often an internalised message we heard as a child. It often develops in environments where mistakes were met with harsh consequences, or we experienced rejection or humiliation. When activated, this mode uses language that is attacking, shaming, and unforgiving. It can make even small errors feel like proof that we are “bad,” unworthy, and fundamentally flawed.

Living under the Punitive Critic can be exhausting and painful. It often fuels chronic shame, anxiety, depression, or self-sabotaging behaviours. Unlike the Demanding Critic, this mode rarely motivates growth — instead, it keeps us stuck in fear and self-blame.

The Healthy Adult mode plays an important role here. It recognises that punishment does not lead to healing or growth. Instead, we learn to respond to ourselves with accountability without cruelty, offering ourselves understanding and self-compassion. Learning to soften the Punitive Critic is a powerful step towards building self-acceptance.

10/02/2026

Great opportunity for bulk billed group sessions on peri-menopause.

29/01/2026

29/01/2026

Edited to add: the person in the photo is me, not one of my kids. I'm the human. The other ones are Milo (meow) and Olivier (squark).

I read a thing today from someone.
I didnt know them. They are autistic.

They said that accommodations and autonomy are good in theory, but it's the job of Autistic people to learn to tolerate discomfort. That we need to get good at that. Because we're going to need to do it forever. Because the world is hard. So we should focus on 'pushing through' instead of building skills to understand our needs and accommodate.

Mm. That did not sit well with me.

Yes, we are going to experience discomfort.
Yes, as autistic people existing in a world not designed for us, we experience discomfort. It happens. It is unavoidable.

That doesn't mean we don't learn how to accommodate. That doesn't mean we fry our nervous systems trying to 'get used to' the pain and overwhelm. Plenty of us have done that forever. It doesn't work. It just breaks us.

We experience the discomfort anyway.
It happens anyway. It always happens.
We 'build discomfort tolerance' every freaking day, anyway. It comes with living. It comes from existing. We are already good at it.

We don't need to practice it intentionally.

Like I have said before, I'm not going to go out in the hot Australian sun for hours so I can get used to the discomfort of sunburn.

I'm going to put sunscreen on.

It made me angry.

Em

29/01/2026

‘Pushing through’ and ‘getting on with it’ were the skills that were prioritised.
‘Being fine and compliant’ was a thing that I practiced.
I was so, so good at being quiet, agreeable, perfect.

I would be much better off now if these skills (pictured) had been prioritised, or even talked about at all.

Because I have needed them as an adult.
And I don’t have them.
And that has left me more vulnerable and powerless than I ever thought I would be.

Yes?

Em

29/01/2026

Today my body gave up.
It seems to once a month (lines up with hormone garbage).

Intense fatigue, aches, light-headedness, muscle heaviness, fogginess, breathing that’s not the best. Very little useable brain.

I spent most of the day in bed.
Because I didn’t have much choice.

Rest and coregulation were pretty much it today.
Darkness. Water. Pain meds. Sleep. Cuddles.
No demands.
It was a yuck day.

Our kids need ways to tell us when they have days like this.
Sometimes the words are hard.

Visuals can make it easier.
Make sure you have them?

Em 🌈

29/01/2026

You can't always see the effort that we're putting in. Much of it is invisible.

Huge effort doesn't always equal huge output, productivity, or success.

Doesn't mean the effort wasn't there.

If we can't be *sure* how much invisible effort someone put in, would we not just. Assume the best? Take a kind stance? Give that person grace? Be empathetic? Be curious?

Fluctuating capacity is a very significant thing for neurodivergent people.

It doesn't make sense to assume the worst.
It's actually harmful.

Yes?

Em 🌈

16/12/2025

The gap between the reality of our experience and the ours and others expectations of how it should be over the holiday period can create extra suffering. Perhaps try to change the expectations. Great examples here.