Ingrid Wells

23/08/2026

Your new chapter isn't about never being triggered.

You can care without rescuing.
You can love without abandoning yourself.
You can disappoint someone without being bad.
You can make mistakes without becoming guilty.
You can experience pain without deciding that something has gone wrong.
You can let people have their feelings without making them your responsibility.

And perhaps most importantly:
You don't have to wait for life to become safe before you begin living it.

You get to experience it—the beauty, the uncertainty, the pleasure, the grief, the ridiculousness, the connection, the music, the adventure, the quiet moments.

Not master it.

Live it. 🌱

12/07/2026

I sometimes think it's not so much - treat others the way you want them to treat you BUT treat yourself with the same kindness and compassion you treat others!!

26/06/2026

GRATITUDE!

Gratitude is not pretending life is easy.

It isn't ignoring grief, trauma, disappointment or fear. It isn't forcing a smile while your heart is breaking.

True gratitude is something much deeper.

We only know warmth because we have felt the cold. We recognise peace because we have lived through chaos. We treasure love because we have known loneliness.
Consciousness grows through contrast.

Our deepest struggles shape the eyes with which we see the world.

Yet our minds are wired to notice danger. We replay the hurt, analyse the conflict, anticipate the next storm. Before we realise it, the difficult moments become the whole story, and we miss the quiet miracles unfolding all around us.

Gratitude gently calls us back.

Back to the first sip of warm coffee. The smell of rain on dry earth. The song that somehow finds us at exactly the right moment. The colours of a sunset that ask for nothing except our attention. The softness of a pet curled beside us. The smile of a stranger. The laughter of children. The hand that reaches for ours. The tree that has stood through countless seasons. The stars that quietly appear each night. The depth that reminds us we are still here.

Gratitude notices the anchor that holds us steady in the storm, not because the storm isn't real, but because we are not facing it alone.

What a remarkable thing it is to be human.

To laugh. To cry. To heal. To love. To begin again.

To belong to something greater than ourselves.

We are woven together through story, through relationship, through shared humanity and, I believe, through a deeper consciousness that connects us all. Every act of kindness, every word of encouragement, every person who sits beside another in their pain reminds us that none of us were meant to walk this journey alone.

Perhaps gratitude is simply this:

TO BECOME AWAKE ENOUGH TO NOTICE.

To notice beauty in ordinary moments. To notice hope in the darkness. To notice the people who carry us when we cannot carry ourselves. To notice that even after heartbreak, our hearts still know how to love.

Today, may you find one moment - just one - that reminds you how extraordinary this ordinary life really is.

And may GRATITUDE become less about saying "thank you" ....
..... and more about fully inhabiting the miracle of being alive.

08/06/2026

Unpacking my story of perfectionism and understanding the wound of needing to belong, to matter and to feel wanted.

21/05/2026

Thanks for the reminder Dr Jeffrey Rediger MD, MDiv - co-author of RELATIONSICK.

18/05/2026

My latest reads have led me to profound realizations about the human condition, where infidelity, abuse, treachery, workplace exploitation, discrimination, and injustice converge under the theme of Betrayal - a ubiquitous and unavoidable part of our lives.

We will all encounter Betrayal, playing both roles of betrayer and betrayed. Yet, it's in our moments of greatest vulnerability, lacking the power to voice our experiences, tell our stories, or claim our identities, that we are most blind to Betrayal's impact.

09/04/2026

Do you know how your attachment styles play out in your relationships? Do you know what happens when your primary attachment betrays you?

Dependency is a fact; it is not a choice or a preference.

Most of us were raised on the myth of the "self-made" individual—the idea that needing someone else is a sign of weakness or "codependency." But according to Dr. Amir Levine and Rachel Heller in Attached, our brains are literally wired to seek the safety of a significant other. We aren't designed to be islands; we are biological entities whose nervous systems regulate one another. Understanding this isn't just a relationship hack—it’s a roadmap to emotional freedom.

1. The Dependency Paradox
The most striking lesson of the book is that the more effectively we depend on one another, the more independent and daring we become. When we have a "secure base"—a partner who consistently meets our emotional needs—we are free to turn our attention to the outside world, take risks, and be creative. True independence is only possible through a foundation of secure dependence.

2. Recognize the Three Attachment Styles
Attachment theory categorizes how we perceive and respond to intimacy:

Secure: Comfortable with intimacy and usually warm and loving.

Anxious: Craves intimacy, often preoccupied with their relationships, and tends to worry about their partner’s ability to love them back.

Avoidant: Equates intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly tries to minimize closeness.

3. The "Anxious-Avoidant Trap"
The book highlights a common and painful dynamic where an Anxious individual and an Avoidant individual are drawn to each other. The Anxious person’s need for closeness triggers the Avoidant person’s need for distance, which in turn spikes the Anxious person’s insecurity. This creates a "roller coaster" effect that many people mistake for passion, when it is actually just emotional instability.

4. Protest Behavior is a Warning Light
When an Anxious person feels their connection is threatened, they often resort to protest behavior—excessive calling, playing games, withdrawing to get attention, or making threats. The lesson here is to recognize these actions not as "craziness," but as a frantic attempt to re-establish a sense of security. Identifying these behaviors early allows you to address the underlying need rather than the outward symptom.

5. Effective Communication as a Shortcut
Secure people don’t play games; they communicate their needs directly. The book teaches that being vulnerable and stating your needs clearly (e.g., "I feel anxious when you don't call; it would help me if you checked in") is a "litmus test." A partner who is capable of meeting your needs will respond with care, while someone who isn't will likely pull away. It saves months of guesswork.

6. The Biology of Attachment
Attachment isn't just a "feeling"—it's a physiological process. When a partner fails to provide security, our brain’s "attachment system" goes into overdrive. This involves a spike in blood pressure and a flood of stress hormones. You can't simply "think" your way out of these feelings because they are rooted in your biological survival mechanism.

7. You Can "Earn" Security
Your attachment style isn't a life sentence. Through "earned security," an Anxious or Avoidant person can become Secure by choosing secure partners and consciously adopting secure behaviors. By surrounding yourself with people who are consistent and responsive, you can actually rewire your brain’s expectations of love over time.

Love isn't a game to be won or a puzzle to be solved; it is a biological necessity to be understood. Once you stop fighting your need for connection and start honoring it, you don't just find a better partner—you find a better version of yourself.

BOOK: https://amzn.to/41638iJ