Anchoring Your Life Counselling

08/06/2026

Negativity bias is our brain's tendency to pay more attention to potential threats, problems and negative experiences than positive ones. From an evolutionary perspective, this helped our ancestors survive. Missing a threat could be dangerous, while missing something pleasant usually wasn't. The challenge is that our brains still work this way today.

It can show up as:
• Focusing on what went wrong rather than what went well
• Remembering criticism more than praise
• Assuming the worst when information is unclear
• Dwelling on mistakes long after they happen
• Looking for signs that something is wrong in our relationships

In relationships, negativity bias can be particularly powerful. Your partner may have been supportive all week, but one frustrated comment becomes the thing that sticks. You might overlook the small acts of care and instead focus on what wasn't done, what wasn't said, or what could go wrong. Over time, this can leave both partners feeling misunderstood and disconnected.

One of the biggest misconceptions about therapy is that it's about getting rid of negative thoughts. It isn't. Thoughts are a normal part of being human. We cannot stop our brains from producing them. Using approaches such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), I help clients become more aware of their thinking patterns and, importantly, learn what to do after the thought shows up. Rather than automatically believing every thought or getting caught in a spiral, we learn to respond more intentionally.

Sometimes the most powerful change isn't changing the thought itself, it's changing your relationship with it.

01/06/2026

Did you know that women are often the first to raise relationship concerns? This video explains why and how couples can work together on this 💛

29/05/2026

What People Think Couples Therapy Is vs What Actually Happens

1️⃣ “Couples therapy will fix my partner.”
The only person you can work on in therapy is yourself because you are the only person you can control. But here’s the interesting part: when one person changes the way they show up in a relationship, the relationship changes too. And when both people are willing to grow? The shifts can be powerful.

2️⃣ “Talking in session is all we need to do.”
Imagine going to work, being given instructions, and then never applying them. Couples therapy isn’t just about venting. It’s about learning new ways of communicating, responding and connecting and then actually practising those changes. Insight without action rarely creates change.

3️⃣ “The therapist will take sides equally.”
I don’t take sides. My alliance is with both partners and most importantly, with the relationship itself. That means if one partner is engaging in behaviours that are damaging the relationship, you’ll likely see me step in and redirect that. Not to shame. But to help create healthier patterns.

4️⃣ “Therapy should feel good.”
This one is hard because we all want relief from pain and conflict.
But growth is rarely comfortable. There will likely be ups and downs, difficult conversations, uncomfortable reflection and hard work along the way. The alternative, though, is staying stuck in the same painful patterns.

Couples therapy provides the guidance, tools and structure but lasting change happens when both people are willing to do the work on themselves in and outside the session.

✨Healing relationships isn’t about finding the perfect partner.
It’s about learning how to show up differently together.

https://www.anchoringyourlife.com/

26/05/2026

I was recently asked to be interviewed for this article as I was the counsellor involved with the young client. The article discusses coercive control and the impacts it can have within relationships, particularly for teenagers and young adults.

Coercive control can often be difficult to recognise while someone is living within it, particularly for younger people who may not yet fully understand what healthy and unhealthy relationship dynamics look like. Raising awareness, having conversations, and sharing information like this can play an important role in helping young people feel more informed, supported, and less alone.

This interview was conducted and shared with the client’s permission. Please also note that some of my comments and reflections from the interview were edited to fit the format and length of the published article.

Please feel free to share 🤍

WARNING This story contains descriptions of partner abuse, self-harm, su***de and coercive control. Readers may find details disturbing. T* was just 15 when she met her perpetrator. At 16 she entered a relationship with him. Little did she know what the next year and a half of her life would look li...

25/05/2026

For the woman who feels like she has to hold everything together all the time…

Sometimes I sit with women who are so used to being the capable one, the reliable one, the strong one, that they have almost forgotten what it feels like to not carry so much emotionally.
From the outside, their life often still looks “fine.”

They are still showing up and getting things done. Still caring for everyone else - managing work, parenting, relationships, responsibilities, appointments, emotional labour, and the endless mental load that so often sits quietly on women’s shoulders. But underneath all of that, many are exhausted.

Tired of overthinking everything, of feeling responsible for everyone else’s wellbeing, of pushing their own needs down because there never seems to be space for them, and of feeling like they have to keep coping no matter how overwhelmed they actually feel inside. And often, the really hard part is that because they are still functioning, nobody fully realises how much they are carrying.

When women show up in my practice because of this, they often present with:
• anxiety or constant overthinking
• emotional exhaustion
• feeling emotionally reactive or easily overwhelmed
• difficulty switching off mentally
• resentment, guilt, or emotional numbness
• feeling disconnected from yourself
• feeling lonely even when surrounded by people
• constantly feeling “on edge” or mentally overloaded

So, if this resonates with you, here are a few small things I often suggest trying that can genuinely help:
• start asking yourself “What do I need right now?” instead of only focusing on everyone else’s needs
• notice where guilt appears when you try to rest or set boundaries
• reduce the pressure to do everything perfectly
• allow yourself to receive support instead of always being the support person
• create small moments in your day where your nervous system can slow down, even briefly
• talk honestly with someone safe instead of carrying everything internally
• remind yourself that struggling does not mean you are failing

You do not have to wait until you completely burn out before your emotional wellbeing matters. 🤍

https://www.anchoringyourlife.com/womens-counselling

20/05/2026

Most couples don’t struggle because they don’t care about each other - it's because they feel unheard.

This simple technique helps couples to reconnect. 🤍

https://www.anchoringyourlife.com/couples

18/05/2026

When stress starts to feel constant, it can quietly become part of everyday life.

Many women keep going while carrying so much internally - overthinking, emotional exhaustion, tension in the body, mental load, pressure to hold everything together, and feeling like you can never really fully exhale.

Sometimes stress doesn’t look overly recognisable. Sometimes it looks like it's just part of your day:
• lying awake thinking about everything
• feeling irritated more easily
• struggling to switch off mentally
• feeling emotionally overwhelmed but still functioning
• constantly caring for everyone else while feeling disconnected from yourself
Over time though, your nervous system can get stuck in this feeling of survival mode for so long that stress begins to feel “normal.”

One thing you try to help is a quick body check-in. Just pause for a moment and notice:
• your jaw
• your shoulders
• your breathing
• your stomach
Then soften each muscle you can. This helps to bring your body back to this moment and remind you that you matter too.

Sometimes healing begins by just noticing that you’ve been carrying too much for too long. 🤍

https://www.anchoringyourlife.com/womens-counselling

13/05/2026

How to rebuild connection after distance 💏

When a relationship starts to feel distant, it often happens slowly. Busy schedules, unspoken hurt, and lack of time for real conversation can create emotional space between partners.

A simple way to begin reconnecting is to create one short check-in each day without problem-solving, just ask, “How are you really doing today?” and listen with curiosity. Small moments of attention often do more for connection than one big conversation.

If you and your partner are feeling the gap, support can help you understand what is getting in the way and how to move back toward one another.

https://www.anchoringyourlife.com/couples

11/05/2026

Women often say to me: “I don’t know what’s wrong… I just don’t feel like myself.”

Low mood often builds quietly over time. Stress, emotional load, life transitions, hormones, relationships, burnout… it all adds up. And eventually, your system just gets overloaded and starts to slow down.

What doesn’t help is pushing yourself through it or forcing yourself to “snap out of it.”

Rather, it’s the small things that gently tell your nervous system you’re safe again:

~simple routines and structure you don’t have to overthink
~movement that feels supportive, like gentle stretching or a walk outside
~moments of stillness where you can just be with yourself, without guilt
~speaking to yourself with a bit more softness and kindness than usual

You don’t have to change your whole life to start feeling different. It often begins with very small shifts that build slowly over time.

If this resonates, support can help you understand what’s sitting underneath your low mood and how to start lifting it in a way that actually feels sustainable for you - not forced.

https://www.anchoringyourlife.com/womens-counselling