Kara Ockendon - Amicable Separation & Divorce Specialist

29/08/2026

Sometimes the best family traditions are born from hardship... ❤️

Mine is Christmas in Jaugust 🎄

Long story short, it started as the usual Christmas in July when my Mum became terminally ill.

She got to celebrate two of them with us, but because of her illness, they always ended up being pushed into August.

And so now, every year, we celebrate Christmas in Jaugust in her memory.

Celebrated with my siblings, Dad, StepMum & StepGrandparents — even when my Mum was still with us.

Forever solidifying for me how families can repair, evolve and unite, even after spending four years in a parenting court battle back in the 90s!

Families can fracture.

But sometimes, with time and work, they can also find their way back together.

And I feel forever grateful for joy we keep recieving on the back of hardship ❤️

24/08/2026

Something I have noticed that is almost universal amongst separating individuals is that, in some ways, their expectations of their former spouse actually increase rather than decrease.

Sometimes this comes from long-standing resentment.

At other times, it may stem from a defensive need to take a stand, enforce boundaries, or regain a sense of control or safety.

But what can happen is the pendulum swings in an unhelpful way.

One of the most helpful mindset shifts can simply be this:

Try not to expect more of the other person than you would from a housemate you are attempting to respectfully co-exist with.

19/08/2026

18/08/2026

This morning my son challenged me on a consequence I had given him for behaviour that resulted in us being late for school (and work).

It had been a school drop-off with some big feelings... you know the ones!

After calming somewhat, he told me he had felt pressured and that I could not possibly understand the pressure he felt.

I felt frustrated and wanted to defend. After all, he gave me little choice, right?

But instead, I paused and got curious.

I said:

"When you're ready, can you tell me more about what you mean by pressured?"

It took some time.

But eventually he explained that he felt he had needed to do what he was doing, and pointed out that if his Dad or I get distracted while getting ready, we don't "lose things" as a consequence.

Again, I felt the urge to react — because surely taking a handful of 5-cent pieces out of his piggy bank and trying to cut a lemon when we needed to be out the door was not "needed."

But again, I paused, accepted his reality and asked him if what he was really saying was that the consequence had felt unfair.

He replied with a relief-filled "Yes."

And you know what?

He had a point. In more than one way.

So after hearing him, I told him he was right and softened the consequence.

The result wasn't that he "got away with" the behaviour.

The result was connection, goodwill and trust, alongside proportionate boundaries and an outcome that he didn't love, but could better accept.

For me, this moment modelled the power of the very tools I support separating couples and individuals to cultivate during times of challenge or conflict.

And it reminded me of five key principles for improving post-separation conflict:

1. We don't have to agree with someone's reality or perspective in order to validate it.

2. When we bring curiosity to undesirable behaviours or positions, we foster understanding.

3. With understanding, we can respond in a more proportionate and constructive manner.

4. When we respond in proportionate and constructive ways, we can achieve not just better outcomes, but more positive internal experiences overall.

5. Boundaries and understanding can absolutely co-exist.

So next time you find yourself pulling your teeth because your ex-spouse may come up with some "bizarre reason" they need to delay, remember this:

Sometimes the reason does not really matter at all!

14/08/2026

Most of the stress and chaos felt in separation can be alleviated simply by gaining the right information and supports to navigate the next steps and get clear on how you will be able to reclaim stability.

Take your first step today with a 45 minute next steps session - $97

13/08/2026

Many people moving through separation and divorce believe there are only 3 options:

1. Work it out yourselves
2. Traditional Shuttle Mediation
3. Go to Court

In truth, these have historically been the most common options, but they are not the only options.

And whilst each option has it's place, in my experience many people fall into a less ideal option because of lack of awareness that another option may actually suit their needs and circumstances better.

Collaborative Separation and Divorce is one of those other options that is often overlooked and yet is one that often produces superior outcomes for separating families who engage the process - which is effectively a supported, staged, mediation like process.

But please don't be fooled by the name. Collaborative does not mean soft or easy, nor does it necessarily mean 'buddy buddy'.

Read more about this option in my latest article!

A reflection following advanced Collaborative Practice training in Sydney Recently, I travelled to Sydney for advanced Collaborative Practice training. One of the themes explored throughout the workshop was a perceptions many people hold about collaborative practice: That it is the " soft &

11/08/2026

Sometimes in life, we have bittersweet experiences.

Today I woke up at 6:45am and thought:

Wow, Tatum must have slept in.

It was the first time ever my son was not my jumpy morning alarm clock, complete with extraordinarily tight cuddles, bouncing and far more conversation than my morning brain can handle.

Turns out he was up watching TV.

And after years of complaints about the intensity of his wake-up calls, and craving the relief of the day when he no longer wakes me, I felt a pang of sadness at the realisation that one day they will be gone altogether.

This is what separation and divorce can feel like for many.

Years of complaints and challenges.

Years of contemplating what it might be like if you ended the relationship.

And then, when the decision is finally made, discovering that the feelings are far more complex and less straightforward than many imagine.

Relief often exists alongside deep sadness.

Freedom alongside fear.

Certainty that the relationship needed to end alongside grief for the chapter of your life that is closing.

Sometimes we can deeply want something to change and still grieve when it does.

And in my experience supporting people through separation and divorce, the bittersweetness of separation is not the exceptional experience.

It is the experience of majority.

05/08/2026

Understanding what is really driving your post separation conflicts is critical to shifting the trajecorty of your separation journey.

And you can start today with our online journey Breaking the Cycles of Conflict in Separation.

Just $97 with bonus 1:1 coaching sessions

31/07/2026

One of the biggest misconceptions about working as a separation professional, whether that be in coaching, law, conflict resolution, or therapeutic practice is that we must have mastered the very things we help others navigate.
The truth?
We're human too.
After years of supporting people through conflict, separation, and repair, I'm still learning to embody many of the principles I teach.
Because understanding something intellectually is very different from living it in the moments that matter.
Our nervous systems don't change overnight, and neither do our relational patterns.
Growth happens through repetition, reflection, repair, and real-life experience.
Recently, I found myself navigating a difficult conversation in a way that was profoundly different to how I would have years ago. In the deeply connected way I often invite others to consider, but truthfully had not had the opportunity in my own life to experience.
And what beautiful lessons it reminded me of...
Growth has no timeline and it is certainly not linear.

You are never going to get it perfect all the time, especially not at the beginning of your journey to doing things differently.

Tension, conflicts and ruptures are profound openings for deepening connection.

Healing on our own is important, but there is only so much you can do alone.

Healing and growth within connection, have the most beautiful, profound and lasting impacts.

That's why I believe the best practitioners aren't those who have it all figured out.

And finally, the best separation professionals are not the ones who have it all figured out.

They're the ones who remain curious, reflective, and committed to embodying the principles and skills they teach or invite others into.

21/07/2026

One of the most common challenges in separation is navigating feelings of betrayal.

Whether it is betrayal by a million little broken promises, or bigger betrayals arising from infidelity, addiction or in some cases, criminal acts - betrayal leaves a mark.

Understandable hurt, and yet hurt that can make things more challenging if left unaddressed in the separation journey.

Recently I had the absolute pleasure of sitting down with betrayal specialist Sharalyn Drayton.

Sharalyn shared a wealth of wisdom in how she supports individuals and couples in navigating betrayal.

And I am so deeply in awe of the Women's Healing Sanctuary she has founded in Port Stevens.

What I love about the Sanctuary is that those who can afford to pay, pay for those who cannot. Meaning this beautiful Sanctuary is open to all!

Link to the conversation below.