21/07/2026
I've done a lot of this road on my own. People have come and gone with the different versions of me. Some have elevated, some have stayed behind. Some stay in their circles repeating patterns and some have completely transformed. Every person, has been a gift, a lesson, or a reflection whether it be wonderful or painful. Either way I could not be where I am without both.
I have made many mistakes, I pursued quick fixes, quick money, fake friendships, lavish lifestyles, party scenes and unimaginable chaos and destruction and got lost in everything inbetween. I bore my pain open for the world to see, labelled as crazy or wild, a bully, a c*nt, a mess, an addict or loser. They weren't wrong. I was. And nothing anyone has said or can continue to say affects me now because anything you have said, believe me I said worse to myself. There was so much suffering underneath only deepening as I kept stumbling and I continue to scramble to find a place to sit. Only for me to find people with similar wounds or problems so I wasn't alone. But I never quite fit there either because I was either too far gone or trying hard to get out.
I stop wearing how I was as shameful now. I was hurt, seeking pain and found people who helped supply that pain in whatever way it came. I came into this world, alone and rejected and have fought my way through darkness, pain, turmoil and destruction, to finally reach a state of acceptance of who I am and what I have to give.
I am content with walking alone, or with very few, as long as I stay to myself, true. I will not lose myself again trying to fit in, hurting myself or others. I will not compete with, mould into or completely lose myself into another human again for the purpose of not being alone.
Not being liked doesn't bother me, not fitting in doesn't bother me, not being included doesnt bother me. Trying not to be who I am does.
