Idi Pimenta Heart Centred Relationship Coach

Idi Pimenta Heart Centred Relationship Coach 'The quality of our relationship to ourselves and others shapes the quality of our lives'. Carl Jung suggested that individuation is a self-realisation process.

Hi, I'm Idi Pimenta, transforming the way we live and love is my passion and my specialty Contact me for heart-centred support, grounded in relational neuroscience Autonomy and Intimacy ๐Ÿ’ž

The most common problem I see in my practice, are clients who didn't or couldn't individuate from their family of origin. Relational trauma being the most common interruptive element of this important developm

ental task. The process of self-realisation is the key to our emotional maturity and renders us able to balance our desire to please another with our drive to do what feels right for ourselves. Hi my name is Idi Pimenta and I am a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner, Psycho-biological Approach to Couples Therapy Practitioner, Relational Life Therapist and an Integral Somatic Psychology Practitioner, with a Master of Counselling and a Social Work degree background. Developmental trauma often plays out in our adult relationships because its relational. Early relational experiences are encoded in neural circuity in the first 18 months of life can be reinforced thereafter. Stored as implicit (unconscious) memory, they are inaccessible by ordinary awareness, forming templates through which we engage in the world. In a moment of activation, the templates automatically come surging online and floods our perception. These patterns persist through life as the force that shapes our adult love relationships. Until a person has individuated, it is nearly impossible for them to have a satisfying romantic relationship. To fulfill our greatest potential requires us to differentiate so that we can experience autonomy from others and intimacy with others. One key step to accomplish this is that we must individuate. Poor individuation, through no fault of our own, can lead to a number of problems and indicators of trauma. Some of these include:

โ€ข Difficulty with emotional regulation
โ€ข Anxiety and Depression
โ€ข Difficulty with boundaries
โ€ข One sided relationships
โ€ข Self doubt
โ€ข Low satisfaction with one's life
โ€ข Low self empathy and self consideration
โ€ข Self-consciousness, low self-worth, and low self-esteem
โ€ข Vulnerability to unconscious trauma bond dynamics or unsafe relationships
โ€ข Self abandonment
โ€ข Poor decision making
โ€ข Difficulty with self-awareness, self-reflection and self-direction
โ€ข Problems with motivation and goal-setting

These symptoms are biologically based and somatically experienced. They're coloured by unconscious conditioning, and we might continue to repeat behaviours that helped us survive our childhoods, but that sadly abandon us in adulthood, and sabotage our adult relationships. The quality of our relationship to ourselves and others determines the quality of our lives. Relationships are everything. Transforming the way we live and love is my passion and my specialty. Contact me for heart-centred work grounded in relational neuro-science, for individuals, and couples as well as Clinical Supervision education and mentoring for professionals. Phone: (+61)410 680 642, click the Message button or email [email protected] to set up a FREE, confidential, no obligation 15-minute phone consultation. Zoom is also an option if you're out of town. PLEASE NOTE:
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THIS IN AS INCLUSIVE SERVICE SUPPORTING THE GAY AND STRAIGHT COMMUNITIES EQUALLY

27/07/2026

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Two things being true at the same time is tough to process when you're a little person.The safer parent may have been he...
26/07/2026

Two things being true at the same time is tough to process when you're a little person.

The safer parent may have been healthier, kinder, more fun and less harmful. And, they also may have failed to protect you, overlooked what was happening, minimised it, or enabled it in some way.

Acknowledging this doesn't mean you're erasing the good. It just means you're finally looking at the whole picture of truth.

Recovery needs us to look at the whole picture, acknowledging not only what they did, but also what they did not do.

๐Ÿงก Watch the breakdown in the short video below.

https://youtube.com/shorts/wNO1akDNjgM?si=pn-HKgl0hj79QJ2F

The four steps of the Non Violent Communication protocol can help us communicate honestly and compassionately, especiall...
23/07/2026

The four steps of the Non Violent Communication protocol can help us communicate honestly and compassionately, especially during conflict.
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Most hard conversations with the person you love don't go wrong because of what you said. They go wrong because of the shape you were in when you said it.

So before the words, eight small steps. The first three are just for you, before you open your mouth. The rest are for once you're in the conversation together.

Before you speak (just with yourself):

1. Sit with yourself first. Ask quietly: what am I actually feeling here? This is the step most of us skip.

2. Find the one need under it. Not the fix you want, the need. Reassurance. Partnership. To feel like you matter.

3. Ask for a good time. "Is now okay to talk about something that matters to me?" And mean it. A hard talk sprung at the wrong moment is an ambush, even a gentle one.

When you're in it (out loud, together):

4. Open with what happened, not what it means. "The last three evenings you got home after nine." Not "you never make time for us." The first one they can hear. The second one they have to defend against.

5. Say how you feel. A real feeling, owned by you. "I felt lonely." Not "I feel ignored," which is really a sentence about them.

6. Name what you need out loud. "I miss you. I need to feel close." More exposing than any accusation, and far more likely to be met.

7. Make one small, doable ask. "Could we have one evening this week that's just ours?" One clear request beats a pile of grievances.

8. Then let them answer, even if it's a no. When they hesitate, do you get cold, or do you get curious? A no isn't the end of the conversation. In NVC it's where the real one starts.

None of this makes the hard thing easy. It just means you face it side by side, instead of across a table.

Now your turn. We would love to gather a little pile of real tips here for having a hard conversation with someone you love. Do you have one for us?

20/07/2026

I have seen polyamory or consensual nonmonogamy work really well; but it asks more of a relationship, not less. It requires secure functioning, honesty, clear agreements and genuine care for everyone involved.

If its used to escape conflict, disconnection or a lifeless sexual relationship, it is more likely to magnify those difficulties than resolve them. The relationship needs to be secure before another person joins the dance.

This article offers a thoughtful PACT perspective on what helps polyamory work, and why it can sometimes destabilise a relationship. Read more here:
https://www.thepactinstitute.com/blog/so-you-want-to-be-poly-is-consensual-nonmonogamy-healthy-for-your-relationship?utm_source=chatgpt.com

16/07/2026

Why would they do that?"
I hear this question almost every day.

It's so hard to make sense of abusive behaviour when you're viewing it through the lens of empathy, care, & mutual respect
If you've ever struggled to understand abusive behaviour, this video offers an important answer: abuse is deliberate, the abuser knows what they're doing & the gains include power, entitlement, and control.

The bond is maintained through intermitent reinforcement & relies on limerence & the
fantasy that 'one day' things will be different

Our innate drive to bond, attach, love, and seek connection. The very qualities that make us human are often the qualities that are exploited - for entitlement, power & control.

No wonder it's so hard to believe. No wonder it's so confusing. And no wonder healing from a trauma bond takes time, support, and a great deal of self-compassion.
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https://www.facebook.com/share/v/1LBy2MNyH7/

Love in action๐Ÿงก
07/07/2026

Love in action
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Enjoy the videos and music you love, upload original content, and share it all with friends, family, and the world on YouTube.

We have a problem when the path to healing comes with a warning that recovery may be used against you.The problem is not...
01/07/2026

We have a problem when the path to healing comes with a warning that recovery may be used against you.

The problem is not recovery.

The problem is a system that can turn a survivor's progress & recovery into evidence against them.
๐Ÿคฆโ€โ™€๏ธ

For years, Dr Katie Bird lived with intrusive memories and flashbacks from alleged sexual abuse she experienced as a teenager. They surfaced at the worst moments. She couldn't study. She couldn't socialise. She couldn't get on with her life.

Then she tried EMDR, eye movement desensitisation and reprocessing therapy. After the first session, something shifted.

Over the following months, she found she could finally think about what happened to her. Talk about it. Eventually, report it to police.

In 2023, she received an email from the Commonwealth Director of Public Prosecutions. Her case would not proceed. The reason given: she had undergone EMDR therapy, and "the circumstance of a critical crown witness having undergone EMDR therapy can have significant effect on the admissibility of the evidence of that witness."

The therapy that gave Dr Katie Bird her voice back was used as the reason the system stopped listening to it.

๐—ช๐—ต๐—ฎ๐˜ ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ ๐˜€๐—ฐ๐—ถ๐—ฒ๐—ป๐—ฐ๐—ฒ ๐—ฎ๐—ฐ๐˜๐˜‚๐—ฎ๐—น๐—น๐˜† ๐˜€๐—ฎ๐˜†๐˜€
EMDR is recommended by the World Health Organization and Australia's National Health and Medical Research Council as a treatment for PTSD. It sits alongside the UK's NICE guidelines and the US Department of Veterans Affairs as an evidence-based therapy, not an experimental one.

The treatment works by asking a person to briefly recall a distressing memory while their attention is split by a second task, usually eye movement. The leading theory: this reduces the emotional intensity of the memory by competing for limited working memory. What it does not do is direct the patient toward any particular content. There is no suggestion involved, no guiding the patient toward a version of events. As Dr Bird described it: "All EMDR was allowing me to do was recall the memories without the overwhelming emotions that had taken me to seek psychological therapy in the first place. I never had to change the memory during the process."

UNSW psychology professor Richard Bryant, director of a clinical traumatic stress research clinic, is direct about what the evidence shows: "If we look at the evidence, EMDR doesn't lend somebody to having false memories any more than any other kind of intervention." He has called for the guidelines to be updated, stating plainly that current decisions about EMDR are "not consistent with what we know."

๐—ช๐—ต๐—ฒ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ ๐—ฟ๐˜‚๐—น๐—ฒ ๐—ฎ๐—ฐ๐˜๐˜‚๐—ฎ๐—น๐—น๐˜† ๐—ฐ๐—ผ๐—บ๐—ฒ๐˜€ ๐—ณ๐—ฟ๐—ผ๐—บ
In NSW, this isn't an informal habit among prosecutors. It is written into the ODPP Prosecution Guidelines: evidence obtained through EMDR "cannot be used in any case" unless separately approved by the Director or a Deputy Director. EMDR is bracketed with hypnosis, full stop, no clinical nuance, no other therapy carries the same restriction.

That rule traces back to a single case from 1995, when EMDR was new to Australia and barely understood. The judge in that case actually found EMDR and hypnosis were "probably different." But having found that, the judgment went on to apply the existing forensic hypnosis guidelines to EMDR anyway, guidelines that were written for a completely different practice, without consulting a single EMDR researcher or clinical body. Hypnosis bodies were properly consulted when their own guidelines were developed. EMDR clinicians never were.

It isn't even consistent within Australia. Courts in other states have not always treated these guidelines as binding. Most state and Commonwealth prosecution guidelines don't reference EMDR at all. NSW's written rule sits at one extreme. The Commonwealth's decision in Dr Bird's case used the same outdated logic without even having NSW's rule to point to.

Even NSW's own ODPP, when asked directly by the ABC about Dr Bird's case, said: "The fact a complainant has undertaken EMDR will not necessarily have any bearing on their reliability or the admissibility of their evidence." That is the official position. It is not what happened to her.

๐—ง๐—ต๐—ฒ ๐—ฝ๐—ฎ๐—ฟ๐˜ ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฎ๐˜ ๐˜€๐—ต๐—ผ๐˜‚๐—น๐—ฑ ๐˜€๐˜๐—ผ๐—ฝ ๐—ฒ๐˜ƒ๐—ฒ๐—ฟ๐˜† ๐—ฐ๐—น๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ถ๐—ฐ๐—ถ๐—ฎ๐—ป ๐˜€๐—ฐ๐—ฟ๐—ผ๐—น๐—น๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ด
Anthony Hurst, chair of the EMDR Association of Australia, told the ABC this isn't an isolated case. EMDR therapists across the country now have to warn clients, before treatment even begins, that seeking help may cost them their chance at legal justice.
Sit with that for a moment. Informed consent for a recommended PTSD treatment now includes a warning that recovery itself may be held against you in court.

๐—ง๐—ต๐—ฒ ๐—ฐ๐—ผ๐—ป๐˜๐—ฟ๐—ฎ๐—ฑ๐—ถ๐—ฐ๐˜๐—ถ๐—ผ๐—ป ๐—ฎ๐˜ ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ ๐—ต๐—ฒ๐—ฎ๐—ฟ๐˜ ๐—ผ๐—ณ ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ ๐˜€๐˜†๐˜€๐˜๐—ฒ๐—บ
Australian courts have spent years building trauma-informed frameworks. Judicial benchbooks instruct judges that a witness's memory may be affected by trauma, that gaps and inconsistencies in an account are not proof of dishonesty, and that a traumatised witness's evidence may understandably appear "discursive, episodic, unreliable and even mendacious" without that meaning anything about whether they are telling the truth.

So the same legal system that tells judges to expect imperfect memory from an untreated trauma survivor can treat a treated survivor's clear, coherent account as the suspicious one. A woman who never sought help and struggles to give a linear account is protected by trauma-informed principles. A woman who sought help and can now speak clearly about what happened to her risks having that clarity used against her.

๐—ข๐—ป๐—ฒ ๐—บ๐—ผ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ ๐—ฐ๐—ผ๐—ป๐˜๐—ฟ๐—ฎ๐—ฑ๐—ถ๐—ฐ๐˜๐—ถ๐—ผ๐—ป ๐˜„๐—ผ๐—ฟ๐˜๐—ต ๐˜€๐—ถ๐˜๐˜๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ด ๐˜„๐—ถ๐˜๐—ต
The Australian Government funds EMDR for veterans with PTSD as a recommended, evidence-based treatment, fully funded, no questions asked about whether their memory might be affected by it. The Department of Veterans' Affairs lists EMDR among the most effective treatments for service-related trauma.

The same government apparatus that funds EMDR for one trauma population treats it as a reason to disbelieve another.

There is no clinical basis for that distinction. Trauma is trauma. The biology of how a brain processes a threat does not check whether the threat was an enemy combatant or a partner in your own home. The science is the same for both. The system's response is not.

๐—ช๐—ต๐—ฎ๐˜ ๐——๐—”๐—ฉ'๐˜€ ๐—ฑ๐—ผ๐—ฐ๐˜๐—ผ๐—ฟ๐˜€ ๐˜€๐—ฒ๐—ฒ
Our 750+ doctors see what happens when survivors are forced to choose between recovery and recourse. We see what it costs a person to disclose trauma at all. We know that the very thing that allows someone to speak, feeling safe enough to recall what happened without being overwhelmed by it, is being treated by parts of the legal system as a reason to doubt them.

The science does not support this. The clinicians who built and use this therapy have said so directly, on the record, by name. Three decades after a single 1995 ruling locked this assumption into NSW prosecution policy, the evidence has moved and the rule has not.

When the law makes recovery a liability, it isn't preserving the integrity of evidence. It is failing victim-survivors. Worse, it is retraumatising them.

Read the full story: https://www.abc.net.au/news/2026-03-09/mental-health-emdr-therapy-may-have-cost-katie-justice/106425114

Sources: ABC News (Emily Baker, 9 Mar 2026); UNSW Newsroom (Mar 2026); Pursuit, Uni of Melbourne (Apr 2026); NSW ODPP Prosecution Guidelines Ch.14 (Mar 2021); NSW Judicial Commission Bench Book S.12; Dept of Veterans' Affairs (dva.gov.au)

If this raises anything for you, support is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week:
1800RESPECT: 1800 737 732
DVConnect: 1800 811 811
Full Stop Australia: 1800 424 017
Rainbow DV Helpline (LGBTQIA+): 1800 497 212
13YARN (First Nations): 13 92 76
MensLine Australia: 1300 789 978
Emergency: 000

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