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Monday 9:30am - 5:30pm Tuesday 9:30am - 5:30pm Wednesday 9:30am - 5:30pm Thursday 9:30am - 5:30pm

Phil Bird Psychology

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Australia
Kotara, NSW
Phil Bird Psychology

Psychologist/ Director at the Nest Health Hub, neuroscience-informed practice speaker and trainer

Phil is a Consultant Psychologist who provides assessment, therapy, clinical supervision and training in Newcastle and Lake Macquarie, NSW. Phil has extensive experience working with children, adolescents and adults with a range of challenges including developmental trauma, anxiety, depression, relationship difficulties, grief and loss, bullying, posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD), Autism Spectrum Disorder, ADHD, aggressive behaviours, attachment difficulties and complex behaviour problems.

06/07/2026

Their age will change.
Behaviours may change.
Our expectations may change.
The underlying needs remain the same. 🧠

When your baby cries, you instinctively pick them up, hold them close, and help them regulate. We don't expect them to calm themselves. 👨‍🍼👶

But somewhere along the way, we start believing that children should "know better." Whether it is in parenting, in schools or social expectations. This leads us to responses like...

💭 "Take a deep breath."
💭 "You need to calm down."
💭 "Use your words."

The truth is, whenever they are hyperactive anxious, worried, sad, oppositional, angry or in a state of rage they still need you as their secure base. Deep down their nervous system needs to be soothed in the same area that needed your co-regulation as a baby. 👩‍🍼

The goal isn't to stop providing this relational safety as they get older.

The goal is to learn how to provide the same messages of safety and regulation in age-appropriate ways.

That's exactly what I teach inside my Needs-Based Parenting Course: How to understand what's happening in your child's brain and respond in ways that build regulation, resilience, and connection.

👉 Tap the link in my bio to learn more. 🧠✨️

17/06/2026

Behind every moment of self-regulation are thousands of moments of co-regulation. ✨️

✨️Through the constant reminders... "have you got your hat?" "Did you pack your drink bottle?" "Have you brushed your teeth?" "Did you wash your hands???" 🙈🚽😅
➡️ One day they will remember!

✨️Through the presence we provide during and after a meltdown...
➡️ They learn to stay present with their own emotions.

✨️Through the reassurance during anxious transitions...
➡️ They learn to self-regulate through difficult changes.

✨️Through laying down next to them while they fall asleep...😴
➡️ They learn to feel safe and regulated enough to fall asleep independently

✨️And through all of the reading, rocking, singing, bouncing, moving and playing.
➡️ They learn to how to regulate their bodies and emotions and connect.

If there is one thing you need to know...it is that every single one of these small moments makes a BIG difference.

Sometimes co-regulation can feel endless. It can feel exhausting. But ultimately it feels right.

And when self-regulation authentically emerges, that's when it all feels worth it.🧠✨️

01/06/2026

Have you ever wondered why some children need a parent to lay with them as they go to sleep? 🤔

Or how long will it take for them to sleep through the night on their own? 🤷‍♂️

The answer is: children are able to sleep independently through the night when they are developmentally ready. This is dependent on the individual needs of their nervous system.

Sleep independence requires self-regulation. Self-regulation is developed through co-regulation, not training.

We need to allow development to happen. Development happens through the meeting of needs.

Comment 'needs' and I'll send you my free video on the 4 stages of brain development every parent needs to know about 🧠✨️

21/04/2026

Do children really need paerfect connection all the time? 🤔

Children don't need perfect parents, they need PRESENT parents.

Perfect parents...
✔️Are calm ALL THE TIME
✔️Never make any mistakes
✔️Never have ruptures in the relationship
✔️Meet every need in every moment
✔️THEY ALSO DON'T EXIST! 🙅‍♂️

PRESENT parents:
✔️Make mistakes
✔️Show their emotions
✔️Model emotion regulation
✔️Own their mistakes
✔️ Repair the relationship following ruptures and
✔️Continue to show up and be present wherever possible

Resilience emerges from imperfect moments followed by the presence of connection, rather than the needing the perfection of connection.

They don't need you to kick parenting goals everyday, they just need to know you are taking the field with them!
So, try to focus on being PRESENT rather than being PERFECT 🧠✨️✨️

09/03/2026

The FOUR R's to co-regulate before bed.

Support the development of the limbic system (emotional brain)

1. Read to them: When we use the "storytellers" voice while reading to our children, our tone of voice sends signals of safety and regulation to the brainstem. Reading before bed can help to reduce stress and anxiety and improve sleep patterns. 📖

2. Recall the day: This supports them to meet the need for connection before sleep. It also supports new memories and connections to be formed through the hippocampus (memory) in the limbic system during sleep. 🧠

3. Repair any ruptures: This helps them to regulate any unprocessed emotions from relationship ruptures through the day. This supports the processing of emotions during REM sleep 💔➡️❤️

4. Remind them that they are loved. This one speaks for itself! Every child should end every day feeling safe, connected and loved. ❤️

This is the foundation for healthy brain development. 🧠 🌟

02/03/2026

Why some children start to WIND UP⬆️ at bedtime 🧠💤

The window before sleep is one of the most important times for the developing brain.

As the cortex begins to wind down, sometimes the limbic system (emotional brain) takes this as a signal to activate. ⬆️

This is the time where children may express any unprocessed or supressed needs from the day 🧠

They may appear to be delaying bedtime, but deep in their nervous system they are seeking a final bid for connection. 💙

It is through these brief, but important moments of connection that children begin to feel safe and regulated to drift off to sleep. 🧠💤

Once they have processed through connection, they are much more prepared to process their day through their REM sleep stages 😴

This process supports many functions including memory consolidation and increasing attention, emotion regulation and memory recall the next day. 💡

This is how small doses of connection at the right time can create BIG changes! 🧠✨️

09/02/2026

Children are spending significantly less time with their parents compared to 30 years ago. 👪

What we do during our time with the has never been more important. ⏳️

They are spending more time online where MRI research shows a reduction in white matter in the brain in associated with increased screen time. White matter is essential for neural connectivity and development. 🧠

The absence of relational connection from the increased use of devices slows neural connectivity and brain development.

Children have less free time for unstructured play and curiosity. An essential process that creates agency, self-direction and development of the sense of self in the pre-frontal cortex 💡

Many schools and systems are still setup on a basis of behaviour management and control, with less space for relationship. 🏫🚸

This means our children are developing in an increasingly connection deficit society.

Their behaviours have already began to adapt, with increases in:
👉 Hyperactivity,
👉Impulsivity,
👉 Emotional reactivity,
👉Novelty seeking, and
👉 Oppositional behaviours.

These behaviours all have one thing in common...They are connection seeking behaviours.

These behaviours are often misunderstood in young boys especially, leading to an increase in what we call 'the nurture gap.'

The nurture gap is the space between what children need and what they recieve in our society. And we need to start talking about it. 🧠🌿

We will be writing more about this in our next article, but...

If you are a parent raising boys, we would love to hear what YOU think! 💡

Are the needs and behaviours of young boys often misunderstood?

Are children developing in an increasingly attention deficit society?

References:
Image from In Plain Sight report (released 2025); Queensland Family and Child Comission.

Hutton, J. S., Dudley, J., Horowitz-Kraus, T., DeWitt, T., & Holland, S. K. (2019). Associations between screen-based media use and brain white matter integrity in preschool-aged children. JAMA Pediatrics, 173(3), 244–250.

06/02/2026

Are boys really 'born to be wild?' 🤸‍♂️🤸‍♂️

The research says....
No!

They are born with the same nurture needs as girls. What differs is how they express their needs and how we nurture them. 🧠🌿

In our society, boys tend to recieve less nurture than girls.

We call this 'the nurture gap' and it can have a profound impact on development.💡

Boys need just as much warmth, regulation and connection as girls.
They may just show it differently.

If you are a parent raising boys, you can read all about the nurture gap in our recent article published in The Australian. 📰

Comment 'nurture' and we'll send you a copy! 🧠🌿

Address

Suite 22, 10 Bradford Close
Kotara, NSW
2289

Opening Hours

Monday	9:30am - 5:30pm
Tuesday	9:30am - 5:30pm
Wednesday	9:30am - 5:30pm
Thursday	9:30am - 5:30pm

Website

http://philbirdpsychology.com.au/

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