02/08/2026
Humans can be remarkably clever when it comes to how they manage to keep going in the face of adversity. Especially as children. When you've grown up in difficult, chaotic or unpredictable environments, you probably had to adapt to survive.
Maybe you:
Learned to avoid conflict at all costs.
Kept yourself small.
Kept your real thoughts and feelings to yourself.
Became the parent to your own parents.
Realised that the only way to keep things predictable was to stay in control of the situation.
Or perhaps you:
Refused to stay silent.
Became feisty and fought back.
Spoke up for yourself with passion.
Held your ground.
Became proactive about trying to get yourself out of a concerning situation.
There isn't a right or wrong way to survive a difficult beginning. Every adaptation made sense to the younger version of you who was simply trying to get through. There is nothing shameful about becoming whoever it was you needed to become.
But there often comes a point when those old coping mechanisms aren't needed in quite the same way anymore. The trouble is, they can be incredibly difficult to let go of. Partly because many of us have never truly experienced what it feels like to be safe.
Of course we don't want to give up the very things that have protected us for years if doing so feels a little like walking, unarmed, into battle.
This is one of the reasons I work slowly. Before we ask your nervous system to revisit painful experiences, I want it to begin discovering something it may have had very little opportunity to experience.
Safety.
Because when we don't feel safe, change and growth can remain just a bit too far out of reach.
The good news is that, with time, we can begin experiencing moments of safety... perhaps even for the very first time.
It may feel unfamiliar. It may even feel a little frightening.
But learning to trust yourself enough to allow those tiny moments of safety to exist can become one of the most powerful things you ever do for yourself.
