Kym Madden Counselling

04/06/2026

Some times in life are hard. What's the best thing to do? How to do what needs to be done? If there's no easy answers....

Just keep going. One foot in front of the other. And know that tomorrow is another day.

You will find inspiration.

27/05/2026

Announcement

I'm delighted to let you know that after many years of living between the Sunshine Coast and Brisbane, I'm now settled in Brisbane and offering counselling in Annerley. I also offer telehealth counselling in your home at flexible times.

If you are wondering if you could benefit from counselling, be assured that highly functioning people use counselling too. I can support you in dealing with stressful work/life situations and relationship problems.

Many times, there is a communication breakdown, or there are hard conversations needed. I have experience and skills in this area that make me a bit different from most counsellors.

Please reach out if you would like to chat. [email protected] or 0438 357 772

03/05/2026

RESET. A Strange Word.

What does it mean to reset yourself?

Sometimes, it’s time for a reset. You may feel weighed down by a lot of demands, physically you are sluggish or you may be processing a lot of emotion. You know you are not running at your best, even though the reasons may not be clear.

Just like when your computer has slowed, you can try refreshing it. A light change – such as getting a few night of good sleep, getting more fresh air and exercise, or eating a healthier diet - can lift your motivation and give you energy. If this doesn’t last, however, you may need something more substantial. You may need a full restart – a reset is like that.

A reset is an interesting concept. And it can be scary. Because it’s a shake-up of your life, on purpose: it affects your whole self and the way you are living. There’s usually a decision made and actions taken.

There's a shift in our identity, and how we are doing things.

The need for a reset may build over a long time. It can be triggered by a shock, a loss, a deep chasm of grief or merely a grim realisation that things need to change. That life is calling. There’s a flicker of hope that there is more to life than this. It’s time for a change.

A life reset can take all of our courage, and this may take a while to muster. We also might need the support of another. Sometimes we have to get practical help.

A reset is a healthy thing because we do need it at some points in our life.

A diagnosis, a divorce, a job loss, depression, a death, a growing addiction, a relationship that is draining your life. Or months of feeling like you’re on a hamster wheel, going nowhere regardless of what you try. Perhaps you have simply moved into a different season of life.

Are you ready for a reset?

20/04/2026

When Fear Becomes Our Normal

We all have moments when we suddenly feel unsafe – something in our immediate situation is dangerous or could become dangerous. Our system goes into overdrive. We become hyperalert and prepared to fight or flee. This is our instinct keeping us alive.

However, much of our fear is not based on real external threats: it’s our perception, our interpretation, that makes us scared.

Fear that moves through you quickly and dissipates is not a drama; it is when we get into the habit of holding fear in our bodies, unconsciously, that fear can become the organising force in our life.

A fearful way of experiencing life can last a day, a week, a month, or years and it can have a devastating impact on us.

Here are 10 of the simplest ways to start to breaking down fear:

1. Slow your breathing. A longer exhale, in particular, helps settle the body's alarm system and makes it easier to do something constructive right now.
Example: inhale for 3 seconds, exhale for 6 seconds, and repeat 5 times.

2. Name the fear plainly. Labelling the feeling clarifies your feeling and helps stop it spiralling.
Example: “I am feeling afraid about this conversation.”

3. Break it down. Taking one small step at a time makes action more possible when fear is freezing progress.
Example: if making a phone call feels too hard, just find the number. Then press dial without lifting the phone.

4. Move. Physical movement helps to interrupt stuck thinking and promotes momentum.
Example: stand up, walk to the door, or open the document.

5. Change your location. Stepping into a quieter or calmer place even for a moment lowers overload and helps the nervous system reset.
Example: move from a noisy room to a hallway or outside bench.

6. Walk for a few minutes. A short walk helps discharge adrenaline and clears the mind.
Example: walk around the block before returning to the task.

7. Use grounding. Sensory connection with the world around you brings your attention back to the present instead of imagined catastrophe.
Example: name 5 things you see and rub hands together.

8. Ask for something small. Support can reduce the sense of being trapped without taking away your own agency.
Example: ask someone to sit nearby while you begin.

9. Write down your worry. Putting the thought on paper can make it feel less overwhelming and easier to evaluate.
Example: “I am afraid I will fail and look foolish.”

10. Do the smallest possible version of the task. Partial action often breaks paralysis and builds confidence.
Example: if a whole conversation feels too much, send one short text instead.

Fear can be exhausting. If you're going round and round with a dilemma you’re facing, a counsellor can help. Look for someone who will support you to make decisions, and move forward.

04/04/2026

Everyone has the capacity to live their best life going forward. (Thanks Joshua Becker.)

15/01/2026

How are you feeling NOW?

Asking this question is something worth doing, even though we live in a beautiful part of the world. Because things are not always perfect.

Are we alright, in this moment?

We might not like what's happening. Chances are, however, we are ok. To realise this is enormously calming, and it creates a foundation to live a more positive life.

Author and psychologist Rick Hanson explains: “To keep our ancestors alive, the brain evolved strong tendencies toward fear, including an ongoing internal trickle of unease. This little whisper of worry keeps you scanning your inner and outer worlds for signs of trouble.

“This background of unsettledness and watchfulness is so automatic that you can forget it's there. So see if you can tune into tension, guarding, or bracing in your body. Or a vigilance about your environment or other people. Or a block against completely relaxing, letting down, letting go.

"Try to walk [outside] without a molecule of wariness; it's really hard. Or try to sit at home for five minutes straight while feeling undefended, soft in your body, utterly comfortable in the moment as it is, at peace. This is impossible for most people.

“The brain's default setting of apprehensiveness is a great way to keep a monkey looking over its shoulder for something about to pounce. But it's a crummy way to live. It wears down well-being, feeds anxiety, depression and makes people play small in life.

“Even worse, it's based on a lie....if you do take a close look at this moment, right now, no one is attacking you, you are not drowning, no bombs are falling, there is no crisis. It's not perfect, but you're OK.

"By ‘right now’, I really mean this instant....[putting aside] the past and future. Look again at the thin slice of time that is the present...Is the heart beating? Is the mind working? The answers are almost certainly yes.

“It's possible to access this fundamental sense of ‘alrightness’ even while getting things done. You're not ignoring real threats or issues or pretending that everything is perfect. But in the middle of everything, you can usually see that you're actually alright right now.”

Rick's point is important. Simply realising you are safe in this instant, that you don' need to be tense, gives you space.

It allows you to live from a more peaceful foundation.

What you are doing is shifting your view from the choppy surface of the waters of life to the underlying calm beneath the waves.

Sometimes, it’s hard to do. That’s ok. We don’t need to be perfect. As soon as you can, try it.

12/12/2025

Freedom from Rules that Kill our Day

As a local counsellor, I have a question for you.

Are you living by an internal rulebook that cuts you off from accepting others, and yourself?

We all have our 'rules'. They are ‘the shoulds’ that have been passed on through our families or have blown out from our experiences. Usually without our realising it. They show up in many different ways, for example, “I should be able to x”, “you should do y” or “It shouldn’t happen this way.”

They act as rules for what we or others must do, or be, or how situations must unfold. If not, we feel entitled to be annoyed or upset.

This is not to suggest that things can’t be improved….of course, there is always room to respond in a constructive way. We also need personal boundaries, and and as a society, there are behaviours that we agree keep us safe as a community.

What I’m talking about are expectations that quietly but surely rule our state of mind: we believe things must be a certain way. They really must. We hold these ideas to be reasonable, to be true. And so we end up battling others, or ourselves, or life in general.

Every day brings a struggle of one kind or another. Because things quite often aren't as they should be. No wonder we feel depressed or anxious sometimes.

There is good news: our rules can go. The first step to releasing them, and finding a lot more harmony in your day, is simply becoming aware of any rigidity in our expectations.

What are you saying to yourself when you are upset?
What are your ‘shoulds’?

Just noticing creates some distance from them. These rules have been used by you. They are not you.

Soren in his Wisdom 2.0 blog says this:

'Most of us carry around a mental model—a story—of how people ought to live, and then we offer that story to others in the form of a should.

“You should get a job.”
“You should exercise.”
“You should be more like this, less like that.”

We get “should on” all the time, often by well-meaning people who don’t realize they’re placing their story on us.

Of course, life needs rules, agreements, and shared structures. But should carries a particular energy. Should rarely asks questions. Should isn’t curious….it doesn’t think it has much to learn—because should already knows it’s right.'

Dismantling our rules doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a process of asking if we need this one, or that one. Is it really helping us be happy in ourselves and in our relationships with others?

06/12/2025

What every young person needs to hear...

Subscribe to my newsletter: https://danielpink.substack.com/In this video I share 5 pieces of advice that we've all heard... but have the potential to ruin y...

01/12/2025

We can be strong, and still benefit from support.

10/11/2025

How healthy do you feel?

If you feel unhealthy most days, why is that? What's going on for you?

It can be difficult to know ourselves, if we have layers of self criticism, lots of explanations, lots of history we carry on our shoulders.

We can avoid some hard truths...we add layers of complexity that cover up our reality, like a cake that is beautifully decorated. We can fixate on the icing, the embellishments, and overlook our reality.

If you are feeling exhausted by seemingly wasted efforts to become healthier, you may be weighing yourself down by too much complexity. There's a lot of information out there. Lots of options. Everyone has advice. With so much noise about becoming healthier, it's hard to think straight.

All you know is that you are cut off from the better version of yourself.

Have you tried to become healthier....to eat better, to exercise, or stop an unhealthy habit like smoking...only to find your efforts fail you?

You may make detailed plans only to find yourself back where you were. Still feeling unhealthy. Or you ping-pong between times you feel healthy and times you feel unhealthy.

Do you know how common this is? We've overcomplicated our lives.

If this is a time to reset, I respectfully suggest giving up all the baggage, all the detailed changes, all the explanations.

What one or two things would make a difference to feeling healthy?

Yes, you may have many aspirations. But, putting aside for the time being all that you want to do, would do in a perfect world, what is not helping?

Gaining clarity on this is the perfect starting point to becoming a healthier version of yourself.

Focusing on one or two things ONLY will free you from being bogged down in trying to do too much at the same time.

You may be stuck by having too many 'shoulds' and 'musts' in your life. Are you willing to give yourself some freedom?

By letting go of all that you might do, and just holding in your mind's eye the one thing you can do something about, you are ready to be healthier.

Let go of all the various strategies that are 'over-egging' the omelette. Just get clear on the one or two things you know will make a difference, and you will clear the way to make a change for the better.