Dr Claire Mayers

31/07/2026

Toxic families, friend circles, and work environments tend to dance around the most toxic person. You can spot a toxic person by how they react to being challenged or given feedback. ⠀⁠
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If they respond with high reactivity, revenge, passive aggression, or profound victimization, it's a perfect clue about their toxicity. ⁠
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As childhood trauma survivors, we often miss such clues due to our shame or toxicity being so familiar. As a result, we also never have seen healthy accountability. ⠀⁠
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Examples -⠀⁠
Don't rock the boat with mom. You know how angry she gets.⠀⁠
Don't rock the boat with dad...you know how neurotic he is. ⠀⁠
Don't tell that to your brother right now. He's got too much going on. ⠀⁠
Don't tell your mother about that. She'll lose it. ⠀⁠
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Systems cater to the most toxic and...f**k that. ⠀⁠
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Our tolerance for such systems diminishes as we grow, mature, and heal. It's a good thing. ⠀⁠
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What would happen if you didn't take part in the catering of the most toxic person in your family? If you've stopped, what was that process like? How'd it go down? ⠀⁠
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It's often a choice about reserving space for ourselves instead of the most toxic, and in my experience, it changes everything but is hard to do at first.

30/07/2026

A wounded inner child will hold those close to them accountable for abuse committed by prior perpetrators.⁠
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This is done by projecting abusive parents or abuse dynamics onto those close to us, such as our partners or children.⁠
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It mostly goes onto our partners in some of the following examples.⁠
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*Trying to get our partners to be more sensitive to our needs.⁠
*Having big reactions to our partner's problems or quirks.⁠
*Sabotaging, picking fights, or demanding perfection to create distance or superiority.⁠
*Acting out, keeping secrets, or overly protecting our independence.⁠
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The people close to you may have their issues, and you may be with an unsafe or highly dysfunctional partner, but the projection is still there. It's not one or the other.⁠
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Another way to look at this problem is to think of our own parents and why they hurt each other or their children. What were they projecting or punishing the wrong people for their issues?⁠
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Chances are, if you are working on yourself, you might be doing this to much lesser degrees, but the concept is something we all struggle with until we can reparent our inner child around who needs to be truly held accountable for what happened to us.⁠
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The long path to healing revolves around letting people be themselves, seeing who they are, and fully seeing their humanity.⁠
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This can't be done by just trying to shoot for that. We need to check how our inner child views those close to us. What's the narrative about your partner not making that appointment or paying their credit card bill late? Who do they become to your inner child?

28/07/2026

As a trauma survivor, I've been on a lifelong journey to accept people as they are. To reclaim having faith in people and, in short, to give people a break. To see them as humans that I don't overly elevate or put below me.⁠
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We are all battling the insanity of our families, society, and ourselves. ⠀⁠
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When we are triggered, especially by those close to us, we lose sight of their humanity. ⠀⁠
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In our minds:⠀⁠
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They become incredibly thoughtless and oblivious. ⠀⁠
They become manipulative.⠀⁠
They become loose cannons.⠀⁠
They become terrifying. ⠀⁠
They become cowardly.⠀⁠
They become someone who is about to cut us or leave us, or both. ⠀⁠
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It's essential to know our family story and understand that we usually over-defend ourselves with the wrong person when triggered. What I mean is we go back to the original battle with the people who abused us. ⠀⁠
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People who didn't hold the door for me or girlfriends who were 30mins late became just like my family in my mind - selfish people who were letting me down on purpose. ⠀⁠
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It's lonely and tough to be in the world with that mindset because "who is the real aggressor?" I was. ⁠
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I was tough on others when I was triggered. ⠀⁠
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Over time, as that trauma subsided and healed, I became more chill and understood that people were just in their own life, in their world - and probably just trying to do their best. ⠀⁠
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Do you, or did you, lose the humanity in others too?

27/07/2026

24/07/2026

Possible treatments for MCAS

24/07/2026

https://www.instagram.com/reel/Da6pbwBSc24/?igsh=MTdzdHRjYXc0c2g4dQ==

24/07/2026

https://www.instagram.com/p/DbB6EZUD0yn/?img_index=16&igsh=bHU3N2hyem53bHln

23/07/2026

https://www.instagram.com/p/DbGyvb6iDcH/?img_index=5&igsh=MjVrbGJpOXA3aHY0

22/07/2026

The increased chance of people with ADHD having moral scrupulousity OCD (?spelling?) has just come to my attention.

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