Louise Pearson Counselling

23/08/2026

One of the things that I have been thinking about this week, is just how complex grief can be, as we get older and how just by being older, it can leave us feeling unable to reach out for support.

So, what do I mean by this? Well as an example, I currently have a man coming into my practice for grief counselling after the death of his wife. She died six months ago. He is almost 80, and although he is very well aware of his need to continue to be here to look after his adult daughter and to go on with what the rest of his life might look like, he is also feeling bereft, and purposeless. What they did once to entertain themselves, they more often than not did it in couples, and together. When there was something that needed discussing, then he and his wife nutted it out together too. He now finds himself in a position where he is trying to keep things going in their home as she would have, but often feels like he is failing.

To add insult to injury, things are made even more difficult by the ways in which both he and his daughter grieve. Very similar in their make-up, both of them struggle to really express emotion. They are able to decide what should be planted in the veggie patch, but cannot talk openly about their wife or Mother, or share tears as they grieve her loss.

The point I want to make here, is that they are not alone. Often inside families, people grieve in different ways. While I don't want to go around perpetuating stereotypes, I do also believe that for many people who are older, especially if they are older males, emotionality was not something which was readily encouraged in their childhoods. I remember one friend of mine being sent off to school with little explanation of what had happened in his family for example, just the day after his Mum's death.

I believe that if we can understand these challenges both in ourselves as the elderly person, or in those whose role it is to support them, then we can work towards change. What we need to get through however kindly, to this man who is not communicating with his daughter, is that changing the status quo is not going to break him, and may just reduce the barriers which have arisen between them. If they can share their thoughts about her memorial services, of the illness prior to her death or oh how difficult life is without her, then they can reduce that feeling of aloneness.

In addition, if he can understand that it makes perfect sense that he is bereft and that he doesn't need to fight it, he might just relax some of these unreasonable expectations that he has placed upon himself. Finally though, if we can encourage him towards a purpose; be it volunteering, attending a social group, or working in a community garden, then he is going to have the chance to connect with people, as well as to reduce the amount of time that he has at home feeling lonely. Yes, it might take some time to find his niche, just as it does for us all, but it is certainly worth the effort of trying!

Have a great week everyone! Remember that providing a listening ear to someone who needs to talk is not usually as hard as we think it will be, and is key to connection. Take care of yourselves and of each other. Stay safe out the, and as always, stay connected!

16/08/2026

One of the things that I have been working on over the past few months and weeks, is my latest album. Sure, it's an AI voice, but it is mainly myself writing the lyrics.

As i have in the past when grieving, I find this creative outlet really works for me. Using my Suno appp, i tell it the kind of music I am wanting to make, and then paste in my own lyrics. A bit like journaling, it works to get my emotions out; whether they be grief-related, moments of joy or happiness. This album is called surviving Five, and is now available on most of the streaming platforms. I've pasted the links below so that you can download them, or follow me on whichever modality works for you, and that way be given information about anything else i produce. This album is called Surviving Five, and has tracks about things related to my cancer, the loss of my parents and close friend, the joy i still experience every day, and people whom i meet in my travels and who inspire me.

Another reason I am drawing your attention to it again though, is that it is something that if we enjoy writing, we can all do quite easily. I urge you to try it out. If you'd rather not write the words yourself but have the ideas in your heads, an AI service like Chat GPT will format it into lyrics for you. My bottom line, is that we are always a bit better, if we can get our emotions out and recognised. This is just one way of doing that.

So, if you'd like to take a listen to Surviving Five, it is available

On Spotify! at
https://open.spotify.com/album/5sgeAb7bvABMkFaGiBMSdi?utm_campaign=website&utm_medium=Email+&utm_source=SendGrid

If you prefer Apple Music it is
live on Apple Music at
https://music.apple.com/us/album/surviving-five/6801039389
or on Itunes at
https://music.apple.com/us/album/surviving-five/6801039389
Free to listen to on YouTube if you haven’t a paid subscription at
https://music.youtube.com/playlist?list=OLAK5uy_l3S59ryjzYPwTdZkbrPYFvDl5WavzbVmk&si=i08cS71ZfZnICUks

Have a great week everyone! Take care of yourselves and of each other. Stay safe out there, and as always, remember to stay connected.

Louise Kate · album · 2026 · 13 songs

09/08/2026

So here we are at another Sunday, and this weekend, I was proofreading a part of my new book which will soon be out. I was talking about my experience of having cancer while I have a disability, and the way in which this adds a whole layer of complexity for those trying to negotiate this mine-field. This gave me some food for thought, that I wanted to mention here.

One of the main points that I was making was that there are some things which we currently do well, and some things which we very definitely do not. People often don't realise for example, that a nurse taking the time to orient a blind patient to what is in their hospital room, can be really helpful. People make all sorts of assumptions about how we live, often not seeing us as individuals coping with many of the same problems that they themselves would negotiate, were they in our shoes. Fitting treatments and hospital appointments in around work or social engagements for example, is something that we all might struggle with. Rather, it seems easier to allow that "them and us" mentality to develop between health professional and person with the illness; with those who have the illness seen as people who are simply sitting around waiting to die with no other commitments.

While they will often understand when I put a spotlight on these issues it is true, people often believe that it is a problem with the system, rather than something that they themselves can have an impact upon. If I can encourage people to see that each individual's actions can make a real difference however, be they health prrofessional, family member or friend, then we can actually make moves to really create change, regardless of that system.

So, what do I mean by this? Well, I want to provide two examples to illustrate my points. In the first, I was a young woman on the way out to dinner one night at a good friend's home, when I realised that I needed to go into the chemist to buy something. I had met my friend at her local railway station on the way home, and so we went into the chemist together. A security person stepped forward almost immediately however, and asked us to take my guide dog outside. Before I needed to say anything, my friend was firing off a furious response. No, she informed him, we would not be doing that. This was a guide dog after all, and it was illegal for him not to allow us entry. She was in full-throttle defense mode, and he took a step back, stunned by the fact that she was not easily embarrassed, or afraid of him. While the man behind the counter ran to get the item that I needed, I felt like I had grown a foot in five minutes, I was so proud of her. This was not a situation that I had to calmly defend alone, as I so often do. Instead, my work had been done for me, and long will I remember that feeling of delight, at the support that she had provided me. I also couldn't help thinking as we left the shop, that the security person might think before he spoke next time.

My second example happened just this week. One of my clients had been asked to teach some extra classes in her workplace, on account of the huge number of people on sick leave. Relatively new to her position, she was happy to step into the breach, but was stunned to find that the people in her new workplace were aware of the difficulties that she was silently negotiating, just so that it would be possible for them to meet the teaching engagement, long before she ever mentioned them. Someone who suffers from MS fatigue and heat intolerance, she got to work only to find that every effort had been made to accommodate her needs. She'd been moved to the coolest lecture room available for example, and complaints had already been sent forward about the access issues that people with a disability must negotiate, to be able to work in this space. She was delighted. Instead of feeling like a burden, she felt like just another of her work colleagues, and was receiving reassurance that this was not too much to ask. By a couple of people taking the time to think outside the box, she felt seen.

So, as you go about your week, remember that none of us appreciate assumptions being made about our abilities. It feels much better in fact, when people show curiosity, rather than drawing their own conclusions. Remember also that even the smallest moves that you make, can create change in the system, and have others feeling supported rather than isolated. Take care of yourselves and of each other as you go about your week. Remember to stay safe out there, and as always, to stay connected.

02/08/2026

As my readers know, I have recently experienced the death of a very close friend. Well one thing that happened this weekend has had me wanting to revisit that story for just a moment, to make two points.

This morning, we gathered on a day which promised bright sunshine in the end, even if it did start out cold. My friend's Mother was having a mass said in her honour in Croatian at their local church and wanted me to go. This was the parish where my friend's son had done his primary school years, and where croatian masses are said each week. It was to be followed by a morning tea in her Mother's home. These are some of the death rituals her Mum believes in, and so I therefore gathered along with many close family friends, to honour her wishes for her daughter.

I walked into the church and subsided into a seat at 8.30. I remember feeling grateful that this church is a more recent build than is ours, and does indeed run to heating. The mass was beginning as we sat down, but I did not know a word of Croatian. The first thing that struck me, was just how much of a fish out of water I felt because of this, as I tried to follow the mass and keep up with where we were at. Despite the fact that I have been a catholic all of my life, it was difficult. For the most part, I had no idea of what was being said.

As I sat listening, it gave me some food for thought. How hard must it be for many people who reach out to their religion as migrants coming into a new country? They may have been always Catholic for example, and have drawn strength from their faith community for many years. Still, although they could recognise the odd word here or there, they are very limited in their understanding, as was I this morning. They may not be able to understand something complex like a sermon, what is going on in the community notices, or even what gospel reading has been chosen for the day. As I thought about this, I found myself feeling impressed that so many people move through these fears, and try to become involved in their local communities regardless, as their knowledge of English builds.

My second point which also gave me food for thought then, was that sometimes it depends on what we emphasize. When I listened carefully, there were parts of the mass which I could and did recognise. As the Dixie Chicks once sang in their song God Speed Sweet dreams "God hears Amen wherever we are." This morning I could so relate to those words. I could recognise the lord's prayer from where it featured in the mass for example, sing the Alleluia verse to welcome the gospel, and so on. It reminded me that the Christian community is indeed a big one, and that although the languages might indeed be very different, today mass was and will be being said all across the world, in a similar fashion. With its differences and it's similarities, we can all be united by the knowledge that the message mentioned is going to be the same. If we look for them, we can either find differences in our humanness, or we can focus on the things that connect us to each other, regardless of where we live, or how we talk.

So, as you go about your week, remember that it is another way in which our ability to see connection, is key. If you are feeling isolated, look for a community to participate in. Make it a good one in whatever you are doing. Take care of yourselves and of each other, stay safe out there, and as always, remember to stay connected.

26/07/2026

So, picture this! I woke up this morning with a slight, self-inflicted pain beating at the base of my temples. As I came to proper wakefulness, I noticed that on the House of Wellness this morning, they were talking to the chair of Chronic Pain Australia about the incidence of chronic pain for Australians. I was pleased by the coverage it was getting, as this, I think, is something that simply must be talked about more. As this is apparently Chronic Pain week, they are using the associated publicity to raise it's profile.

Now my pain, as I have already mentioned, was self-inflicted. Anyone who knows me well, also knows that I love my sport, and there is little that I like more than watching events like the Commonwealth or Olympic Games. Truth to tell, I've been up much of the last two nights watching with delight as our Dolphins have been swimming to glory and to gold medals in the pool. These people put in so much; swimming endless laps when no one is watching, to make performance days the best that they can. A little headache for me, is therefore no sacrifice at all.

For many people however, living with chronic pain on a daily basis is incredibly difficult. It is made more so by the fact that it is often invisible to those around them. I could not have worked as long as I have with people with MS not to know that. From what they tell me, it is incredibly fatiguing, often doesn't respond to drugs, and is something that adds a whole layer of complexity to the other symptoms that they are coping with. They are often willing to try anything to alleviate their situations, and although some things make a difference, many do not.

As a case in point about this effort that people often go to, I have one particular friend of mine who stuns me with her courage. Born with a condition where sunlight shining in her eyes creates incredible pain for her, she had one eye removed twenty years ago, and is now lining up to have her second one removed. She is afraid of course of the changes that she will experience with no vision at all after her eye is removed, but is also aware of the terrible migraines which she experiences every summer, and which are sometimes bad enough to see her hospitalised. Sick of surviving on painkillers at these times, she is going to take this drastic action, knowing that she simply does not want to live through another such summer this year.

Now of course, not everyone's pain is as hard to manage as is hers, and not everyone knows of something else that they can try. My point is however, that she has not come to this decision lightly, and it has not been a popular one with her doctors. Sometimes it is about seeking a second opinion, and simply not putting up with the first few "no's" that you get. If you are in pain, whether it is experiencing regular headaches, or having a case of Tinea between the toes of your left foot as I currently have, it is not until the third or fourth suggestion is made, that something starts to work. If you are in pain, this is happening to you, and it needs to be taken seriously.

If you want more information about chronic Pain, have a look at the Chronic Pain Australia website. Have a look at what resources are out there for you. It is true that some of the procedures might be expensive, but your quality of life is important. If they are possible for you, your own level of comfort, in my mind, might just make them worthwhile considering.

Have a great week everyone! Take care of yourselves and of each other. Stay safe out there, and as always remember to stay connected.

19/07/2026

In the last couple of posts, I have been talking to you, my readers, about what sudden death is like. I know you might well be finding the subject confronting, especially if you have had the experience of such a death in the past. I do however, want to make a couple more points about this important matter before we move on to other things.

In part, this is because I received a phone call during the week, from a friend of my friend, who is an incredible woman herself. She is dealing with one of the most difficult situations that life can throw at you. She has a child with very complex disabilities whom she and her family have been loving and taking care of, for the past twenty-one years. It has taught her some incredible life-lessons, and taken almost every resource that she has had at particular times, but also on a daily basis. She however, along with her lovely sister, has been feeling guilty about the friendship that she had let slip away, with my friend who died. Her sister in particular is struggling with this guilt, feeling that she ought to have been around more, knowing the value of their friendship and of what support they provided each other, when they were young. She now remembers the beauty of their friendship, feeling that she should not have allowed it to lapse.

As I listened, I felt incredibly moved by these feelings, because they are ones that we all have from time to time. Each time we hang up the phone, we should perhaps say
"I love you". We should put dates in our diaries for catch-ups and not allow anything to get in the way of these plans. The issue is however, that life does not always make that possible. Sometimes we have no idea that when we hang up the phone, this will be the last time we speak to a particular person. We don't know that it will be our last chance to tell them what they mean to us, and of their importance in our lives.

This is largely because we live in a world where people don't die as young as they did in the past. We are not as used to sudden death as people were then. Technology like Facetime, platforms like Facebook and instagram, mobile phones and texting, mean that we are living in a world where we are used to being able to get that person on the line whenever we want to, and so we take this for granted. We have texting conversations where feelings can be masked, and one is able to sound happier than they in fact are.

When, as in this situation, technology fails us and we can't get messages through to heaven, we are naturally left feeling bereft. While this is understandable, what we also need to remember is that friendship is not one-sided. In fact, it involves two people, and the responsibility for keeping it alive belongs to both people too. Too often, when someone dies, people suddenly become paragons of virtue, angels in human clothing if you like, whereas the reality if they were still here, is that they had their human frailties too.

So, if you are ever left, with feelings of shame and guilt plaguing you in these situations, remember the person that you are grieving for, is someone who naturally came with the faults and failings that we all enter this world with. If it had been you who died, then they might well be feeling the same way about their friendship with you, wishing that they had one more chance to say the "I love you’s", and to remind you of your importance in their lives. In the end though, what we can take forward is that sometimes this is a lesson that life is teaching you, and that through it's learning, you will never willingly make the same mistakes with your other nearest and dearest.

Have a great week everyone! Remember to take care of yourselves and of each other! Stay safe out there, and as always, but especially if you are going through a time of life's learning or experiencing miss-givings, that the important thing is to stay connected.

12/07/2026

Last week, I talked to you about the sudden death of one of my closest friends. I often joke with friends and clients, using that sometimes dark humour that I find somehow sustains me, that "you don't ever want to find yourself sitting in the front row at a funeral", because it means that you are amongst the nearest and dearest. Last week, on so many occasions, I was reminded that this whole experience is heart-breaking. I remembered for example that you can stand up to speak, and then almost watch yourself doing it, shocked and appalled that you are in this space, still finding it unbelievable that your loved one is gone at all.

Although we gave her a good send-off, with no major issues that we got wrong and doing everything that we could think of to honour her memory, we were then constantly surrounded by people who had loved her and known her best, all of them wanting to talk to us. Everyone was grieving. For those of us on the front-lines, the whole experience is both emotionally and physically draining. It seems to take every resource that you have, and then more.

In the days that followed, I was then reminded of two things. Firstly, that everyone grieves differently and in their own way, and that that's ok. Some wanted to go home and support themselves alone for example. Others wanted to debrief after the event, while others of us were busying ourselves in completing the myriad paperwork tasks that deaths require. So many people have talked to me about how to get the self-care that I need and that they also need, to get through these first few weeks and months without her. Therefore I come to my second point. Because life with one friend has ended, we all need to look after ourselves in the ways that will support ourselves best, as we and start to reconnect with our lives. This will not be made better if we spend our time feeling guilty about that.

I have caught up with another of my closest friends for dinner in the last week; someone who understands me, when others perhaps might not. I've spent some lovely time reminiscing with her son. I've caught up with another friend for a movie, and even been to a live music event with my cousins which we have had planned for months. I've accepted the offer of one friend to come over and see me, bringing our lunch with her, in recognition of my own exhaustion, and of her understanding of that. It does not mean that I miss her any less because of all of these things? Do I not wish that I could chat to her about all of these experiences at the end of a night, tell her the family news, or share a belly-laugh? Of course I do, because what it doesn't mean is that I love her any the less by carrying through with some of these plans.

I'm sure most of us have at times felt that guilt, or felt like we were betraying someone's memory by going on with our own lives, but in the end this is not a time for guilt, if we had a supportive relationship with that person. In the end, we need to do both. We move, as one of the grief theories that works for me suggests, along a continuum called the Dual Process Model of grief. We do the loss-oriented activities, like looking through photos or videos, crying, telling stories and so on. At the same time, we are also beginning again to do the tasks that we need to, to get on with our lives. Bills still need to be paid for example, work still needs to be a priority, wills need to be executed according to their wishes. Catching up with friends and focussing on other things may be necessary for us to cope. Both sorts of activities are necessary, and while the absence of that person will always be an ache in our hearts, we are simply doing some of the things that we need to do to remind ourselves that life, although changed, does need to go on.

So, if you too have had someone die in your life recently, or always have felt guilty about enjoying new things after someone died from your inner circle, try to remember that to go on doing the things that supports you, is incredibly important for you as you grieve. Should you need to talk, as we often do in these situations, then help is out there and connection is key.

Have a great week everyone! Take care of yourselves and of each other. Stay safe out there, and as always, remember to stay connected.

05/07/2026

And here we are at another Sunday night, and at the end of a couple of the darkest weeks of my life. I come here to write about it to my lovely readers, for a couple of reasons. I want to make some points so that you might not be so blind-sided if it should ever happen to you, to remind you that help is out there, but also to say that even in the darkest of weeks, there can still be moments of brilliant sunlight which are important to highlight, if only in your own minds. It is those moments which carry us through.

Two weeks and four days ago, I received a call I had never expected, and my world changed forever in an instant. One of my oldest and closest friends had died unexpectedly, her son was ringing to tell me. Could I come? Could I come — I'd never gotten anywhere quicker. What I was reminded as I sat there with him and his lovely girlfriend that night, with another great friend and with my friend's grieving Mother, was just how cruel sudden, unexpected death can be. Not only are we dealing with incredible grief that hits like a freight train, but we are hit by the trauma of not being prepared. Where was her will? Who had she been paying that money for her funeral insurance plan too for all those years?

As I have told you before, I will soon be bringing out my book called "Help Us To Live While We Die", and one of the points that I make in that book is that as the person who is dying, we need to prepare. We need to write down our passwords, what food we feed our dogs, have a relevant will, and a place where we record only the things that we know! Who is our gas bill paid to? Where are our birth certificate, or our passport? These are small things I know, but they help those who are left behind as they deal with the morass of paperwork! There is a fabulous website which can help you to record all of this stuff called criticalinfo.com, and if websites are not your thing, there's also a great book where you can fill in details such as these, called Sorry It's Your Problem Now Because I'm Dead: End-of-Life Planner. There are others out there of course, this one is just an example.

For those of us left behind, as I have mentioned, remember that there is help out there for you. Friends and family will offer support, and it is important to take it, because you would want to help others in these situations, and this is what close people are for. They are the ones that look back at you and say "but how are you really?" LifeLine is a 24 hour service, and Grief Line is open until late at night also. Consider the services provided by Grief Australia, who now offer Telehealth and provide a low-cost service to the bereaved. Alternatively, get a Mental Health Care Plan from your GP and seek out a grief counsellor, if you feel the need to talk to someone who is there just for you, and need someone to hold your space that you don't feel you need to look after.

And as I have mentioned, look for the bright points, because they will be out there. They might be in the funny stories that you plan to put in your eulogy for your friend or family member. They might be in reconnecting with people whom you've never known well in the past, but who stand beside you regardless at these times, to help in the planning. They might be in watching your friend's child or children showing incredible strength and courage. Sometimes you will be even lucky enough to have other things going on in your life which bring you joy, and which would always bring you joy. For me, I experienced the delight of a new great-niece born just five days ago. Holding her in my arms on the day she was born provided me with a joy which is beyond words, and which helps carry me through these unbelievably sad days. So does the fact that I have just passed the five year mark for surviving Pancreatic Cancer. I was lucky on both counts, and lucky to have had such a friend as I will farewell tomorrow.

So, as you go about your week, I urge you not to reassure yourself that this will never happen to your family or friends because it just might. Make the effort, put your paperwork in order, because as someone with Stage IV cancer, I know that I want to do absolutely anything I can for my nearest and dearest, to make it easier on them at my end. I am sure many of you will share the sentiment. Take care of yourselves and of each other, stay safe out there, and as always, remember to stay connected.

Critical Info takes the uncertainty out of estate management and end-of-life ceremonies by allowing people to take control of their estate.

14/06/2026

Well here we are at another Sunday night, and although I don't often talk about the same topic two weeks in a row, this time I want to make an exception. The reason for this is that on Wednesday, I put the time aside to watch the State Funeral Service for Neale Daniher which was being telecast from the MCG, and I was surprised by how much I could take away from it.
Sure, there were any number of dignitaries there, from the Prime Minister of the country to the Premier of Victoria, from the Governor General to ministers of the government and members of the opposition parties. While both the Prime Minister and the Premier stood to speak, the speeches that really reached out to me were made by Neale's wife Jan, his four children and two of his grandchildren, his brother Anthony and one of his close friends. In my opinion, it was a really fantastic way to celebrate the man that Neale was, and allowed people to truly express their grief openly for a man who was being recognised publicly, but also mourned privately for the family man that he was. His youngest son Ben for example, talked about how Neale had been sick for a third of his life, and how he'd been living with anticipatory grief for the last thirteen years. Now that he is actually living the reality of life without his Father however, everything has changed and he is gaining a totally different perspective of grief. Any one of us who has lost a close parent can understand this.
In a service which went for more than two hours and included music that Neale had loved during his lifetime (one song even performed live by Paul Kelly for example), all of it was expressive, and came from the heart. Each of the speeches, written by people who knew him and loved him best, were peppered with quotes from Neale himself. In short, they were the philosophies or the edicts that he lived by, and were beliefs that they themselves could now use going forward in life without him. I could understand that, as many of them inspired me, too.
One which I am sure we have all heard over recent years of course, reminds us that "when life throws you a challenge, you have two options. You can flourish or you can fold". With me, this really resonates. So does the idea that "you can't always choose what happens, but you can always choose how you respond." Sometimes stepping back is simply not an option, and so as he did in his attempt to find a cure for "the beast", he chose to step forward.
As someone who often quotes songs or poems to my clients, or who loves nothing better than writing new quotes which I find meaningful into the front of my journal for the year, these sorts of edicts stick in my mind, and keep me focussed. They will help me to remember the effort that Neale Daniher stood for, for example. In terms of my own life, I like the idea that "Necessity is the mother of invention", because as a blind person, it is often how I have made things happen when people are busy looking back at me sounding shocked, saying "that just won't be possible Louise!" Another one is the idea that we should not have our hands out to take as often as we have them out to give. Again, as a blind person, I find that it is easy if I am not careful, to not be able to see the ways in which I can contribute. If I can find a way that I can give back however, then I can level the playing field, taking the focus from what I can't do, and putting it with what I can.
So, if you too are someone who has sayings, edicts or quotes which you try to live by, then feel free to share them with us. If you don't, it's never too late to start. Just Google famous quotes on a topic which interests you, whether it be remaining goal-focussed, success, how to cope in hard times - and see what comes back which you can relate for. Then reflect on your life to this point. Are you already living with these ideas in mind?
Have a great week everyone! Take care of yourselves and of each other, stay safe out there and as always, remember to stay connected.