Louise Pearson Counselling

Louise Pearson Counselling I'm an Accredited Mental Health Social Worker, trained grief counsellor and Gestalt Psychotherapist. Contact me for a free 15 minute phone consultation.

I provide individual counselling sessions which are either face to face, via phone or Telehealth.

07/06/2026

As some of you already know, I have spent time over the last six months writing another book. Whereas my last one dealt largely with the story of my first cancer and my life as a blind person, this one is primarily targeted at health professionals and carers, who are supporting people with life-limiting illnesses. I am also hoping that it will be of some use to family members and friends, and to people who themselves have these illnesses. I have wanted to write it because I don't think there is enough literature out there which talks from the perspective of the person who themselves is dying, and I have myself certainly identified what I believe are significant gaps in the services available to people like me, in the last five years.
So, my book (which will be out in the next few weeks) is called Help Us To Live While We Die, and has a lot of stories from both my own lived experience, and the lived experience of clients and friends whom I've met along the way. The main point that it is making really, is that when you receive a diagnosis of something like MS, cancer, MND, kidney disease, or a stroke, where there is time left to do it in, you are still living, while you die. It is true that you might be more certain of your death date than is the average person, but regardless of that, you still have bills to pay, family milestones to achieve, friends who need you to listen to their problems, dreams that you can still achieve.
So, my argument is that these are the things that we need to be able to talk about. We need to talk about these dreams, and see how we can help to make them happen. We need to keep people connected to who they were before this diagnosis. Just as importantly, we need to talk about death, not in hushed tones as is currently the trend, but just as we talk about life. As a very wise woman said to me just a few days ago, "when you talk about pregnancy, it doesn't make you pregnant", and the same thing can be said of death. If you talk about death, it won't make you die. We don't have words that help us to avoid "pregnant"; and yet when someone is dying, we come out with anything from "passed on", to "passed away", to "gone", "stepped off the mortal coil", or in the words of my Father who never failed to make me laugh "kicked the bucket". In fact, the person just died, and it doesn't need sugar-coating.
While I think we need to change these hushed tones therefore, I believe that this concept of living through doing, or through working towards our dreams, simply must be kept alive. As an example of what I mean here, most people in Melbourne will have been made aware in the last fortnight, of the death of AFL legend Neale Daniher. He died of Motor Neurone Disease just two weeks before the twelfth Big Freeze event at the MCG, something which he, his family and the AFL world have thrown their energy into since his diagnosis in 2013. As a disease that so often takes people out in the first couple of years, Neale fought hard and made it to thirteen years with what he called "the beast". He was no doubt buoyed up by what he was able to do; he raised $140 million with these events in an effort to find the cure for example. He was not able to save himself it is true, but as someone with pancreatic cancer myself, I can well relate to the feeling that there is purpose in it for us who cannot be cured, if it means that future generations might be saved.
It clearly took so much away from him, but he kept his sense of humour, right along with his sense of purpose, and his belief that it's not someone else's job to do things, but yours. When I have listened to old friends speaking about him over the days since his death, or to some of the young people whom he has mentored, it is not pity that I have heard in their voices, but respect for a job well done. He refused to let "the beast" define him, and it didn't. He was to me, a true example of someone who wrung every last ounce out of the life that was left to him, and lived while he died. He didn't look for easy ways out, like our Governor-General who plans to wear a wet-suit tomorrow at the Freeze. Instead, he asked for no concessions; his honesty allowing us to glimpse the pain and the continual losses he was experiencing (like to mobility and speech), as a part of his illness.
So, as you hopefully are enjoying a public holiday tomorrow for the King's birthday, I urge you to remember Neale and what he fought for. I know that I will be dropping a curtsey and raising a glass in his honour, to someone whose courage was to me at least, nothing short of incredible. Have a great week everyone! Take care of yourselves and of each other. Stay safe out there, and as always, stay connected.

31/05/2026

Well here we are at another Sunday. One of the things that I have been reflecting on this week with one of my clients in mind, is just how anxious we can get when we are doing things like starting new jobs. While first days in a new job can be very stressful, so can your first day going into a university course, or putting ourselves forward in a volunteer capacity.

It's true that some people, seem to take it like water off a duck's back. They present as being full of confidence at interviews when they are procuring these positions. Then on their first day, it's no real stretch for them. They are not shy about meeting new people, have lots of things that they can say about themselves, and appear not to be fearful that the little things that haunt them and their images of themselves from past positions, are ever going to revisit them in the new workplace or setting.

For others of us however, it's a very different story. The thought of sitting down for that first "meet and greet session with other team members on Day One can literally keep you awake at night. The idea of speaking at a larger team meeting leaves you shaking, and if you've had bad experiences with previous managers in past positions? Well you might just feel sure that they are about to leap out of the shadows yelling "it's a farce! They aren't as good as they say they are!"

So how do we help ourselves in these situations? Well the first point I want to make is that while many people may have the ability to mask their feelings, most of us do feel some anxiety when we start in a new position. They might well be just better at hiding it than are you. So, if you are likely to be asked the "tell us 3 things about yourself that most people don't know" question, or the "tell us about your 3 favourite books or movies" one, when you know that these questions usually will cause you to freeze like a rabbit trapped in the headlights, you can easily prepare for them just as you did for your interview questions. What are your interests? Where would you most like to travel to? If you don't have favourite books or movies, you might have some favourite music that you like, like to do several gym classes in a week, or like to cook. So, think about what you can talk about, and accept that you don't have to be like anyone else, you just need to be you! If you don't read, it's not a crime! Another thing worth remembering? If you got the job, won your place in the degree course, or paid your money to do a local mindfulness course, remember that you are as good as the other people there. You were deemed good enough by people on an interview pannel for example, and your workplace is going to be looking forward to the skills that you bring along; they obviously thought they needed them.

The other thing for you to be aware of is that if for whatever reason you have found a previous workplace traumatic in the past, you are not alone. How often do we hear about services like Employee Assistance Programs being available to us. This is not always directed at us personally, but something which is mentioned to groups of people, and so can remind us that other people too will have brought with them elements of their past experiences which might need processing. It's natural, that if every time someone said to you in a previous position
"Could you please join me in room two because we need to talk?" and this has always led to a bad outcome, those sorts of words, or someone speaking to you in such a serious tone of voice, is going to give you that same sinking feeling in your gut that you got then, and send your mind into a spin as it tries to remember what you could be being pulled in for.

In these instances, I want to make just two points. Firstly, when it happens, you can help yourself by taking deeper breaths, and by gently reassuring yourself. Rather than becoming furious and telling yourself that you should be better able to cope with these challenges, try being kind, as you would be to a close friend who is reacting as you are now. Remind yourself that that past event has been and gone, and that that manager is not in this workplace. You have in fact started out with a clean slate, and whereas you may have made some mistakes in the past or have even experienced bullying, this is a different scenario. Also, if you are feeling crippled by anxiety, remember that there is help out there. Seeing a counsellor who can help you process those feelings won't take away the past experiences it is true, but it can help you to pack it away so that it doesn't have the same hold on you going forward.

Have a great week everyone, and remember that when we are feeling isolated and fearful, we are rarely as alone as we fear. Take care of yourselves and of each other; stay safe out there, and as always, stay connected.

24/05/2026

And here we are at the end of another week — and now we move into National Volunteer week. For me, this is a subject well and truly worthy of remark, and of celebration.

I say this for a couple of reasons. Firstly, it's because in both my personal and professional lives I have met some amazing volunteers, and benefited hugely from their generosity of spirit and of time. More than thirty years ago for example, one of the ways in which I completed my university degrees, was with the support of volunteers. They sat in the bowels of the library at La Trobe University reading articles on to tape for me, or had my texts next to their beds at night so that when I rang looking for a reference after a night of burning the midnight oil, they could look them up for me. While these started out as formal roles, I have also benefited from the friendships that developed over time with these people, and in recent years have felt the support of friends who have volunteered their time to do things like taking me to appointments, on my cancer journey.

What I have been reminded of again recently however, are the many roles that people take up in our community, as volunteers. So, one of my clients for example, is in a hiking group. As one of its more experienced members, she often leads groups of up to ten people, taking them away for several nights, planning their routes, preparing for every contingency by bringing spares of some equipment in case someone should need them, and trying to ensure the cohesion of her groups. I have another client who works in an Opshop, another who does Podcasts and shows on community radio, while friends choose to work in Palliative Care, for Riding for the Disabled, or raising dogs through their puppyhoods so that as blind people, we can navigate our communities with safety and indepenence.

My second reason for raising this subject again, is of course that I too have benefited from being able to volunteer myself. Whether this was through gaining volunteer experience on various counselling lines as a young person, or more recently giving some of my time to raise the profile of pancreatic cancer through sharing my lived experience, to me all of these experiences have been invaluable. They've taught me so much about the human spirit, about strength and courage and endurance! They have been full of people (both other volunteers and clients) well worth remembering, and have added to my sense of purpose.

And so of course I also draw your attention to this subject because sometimes when we are feeling lost, or are questioning the where to from here and looking for new inspiration, finding a cause where you can volunteer can be very fulfilling. It can be a fabulous way of meeting members of communities which may interest you, making like-minded new friends and feeling the sense of purpose that we get when we put our backs to the wheel. It can give you a taster if you like, and help you to decide if this sort of thing is what you'd like to do going forward either in paid or unpaid work. Have a think about the sorts of activities you enjoy doing, the things that you are good at, and also at what you think we need more of in our communities. This way, you can channel your energy towards something which interests you, but also fills a need. It might be that you like cooking and would like to volunteer in a local soup kitchen. It might be that you are good at running events, at dog-walking or cleaning up your local park-lands, that you perceive that our world needs more listening ears, and would like to volunteer on a phone line or at a local Community Health Centre. Whatever it is, remember that we all are good at some things, we just need to let the ideas in. Have a look at the community notice boards around you — explore some of the community groups on Facebook or talk to a volunteer centre. The bottom line - if you are feeling the need to find a purpose, don't wait for it to find you.

So, as you go about your week, notice the sorts of work that are highlighted in the media, and think about involving yourself or exploring some ideas. I want to give a shout out in gratitude to those of you who volunteer; never forget how very much you make possible. Have a great week everyone! Take care of yourselves and of each other, stay safe out there, and as always, stay connected!

10/05/2026

So, picture this. I was lying in bed this morning trying to convince myself to get up, when I found an interview taking place on The House Of Wellness, with one of Australia's leading psychologists, Michael Carr-Gregg. It was on the topic of parenting; happening today of course, because it is Mother's Day.

As I listened, I was aware of a couple of things. Firstly, the interviewers, one of whom is a Mother of an almost teenaged daughter, seemed particularly interested in his answers. She was prepared to show a little vulnerability as she asked for tips in a very public environment, and I felt touched by this reminder of just how hard it can be to get things right as a parent. If someone is doing their best, trying to read the signs of contentment, of joy, of depression, anger or distress in their children, we are still only a sum total of our experiences, and may often be completely out of ideas about how to explore these emotions with our children, or how to manage difficult situations.

My second point is that the grim reality is that not everyone does their best to be good parents, or prioritises their children's needs above their own. It's something that shows up a lot in my counselling room. Sadly, sometimes Mothers can be emotionally abusive or physically violent. They can be uncaring and selfish, unwilling to address concerns. If we give their children the space to talk about these examples openly, we can find that they are still traumatised, and that these memories are difficult to process and remember, long after they have reached adulthood. Even where people do not admit to feeling traumatised, there are also a lot of examples of difficult relationships that people negotiate with their parents. They may find that their relationships are not close, that they run out of conversation or can't reach out to their Mums for support. In both of these cases, there will often be a great deal of grief involved.

So, I find myself wanting to make a couple of brief points about how we manage this important parental relationship. Firstly, if you are someone who feels some disappointment, anger, or sadness when you pause to reflect on the relationship that exists or existed between yourself and your mother, I think it should be acknowledged that days like Mother's Day are going to be hard to live through. Advertising campaigns are driven by the picture of a closeness between us and our mothers as we plan to spend time with them or to choose presents. If you didn't have that sort of relationship with your Mum, they can feel relentless. Remember though, that you are not alone. Take a look at your local library, the Audible catalogue or Podcasts and videos which others have made, and you'll see that it is a subject which has had so much written about it, because others have felt similar emotions as you do, and have wanted to get their words out into a public forum, and to stop the charade.

These days can be hard to live through for other reasons too however; if you are living through your first Mother's Day without your mum because she has died in the past year for example, you too might find all of the hype triggering. If you can find yourself in any of these scenarios, reach out for support. If you don't feel like the people around you are getting it, reach out to someone else you know who has experienced similar loss, or consider engaging with a counsellor. Parental loss, whether it is loss through death or loss of a relationship while the person is still living, is hard to process, and you don't have to bear this loss alone.

And if you are someone who still has fond memories of your Mum, or she is someone whom you still love chatting with on most days, my thinking is that you very definitely have something to celebrate. No, it doesn't have to be a perfect relationship; in fact it almost certainly won't be one. No relationship is. She might still do things that drive you mad, but if you did feel supported by your Mum, if you have a great relationship with her to this day and are able to number her amongst your friends, then I urge you to pause for a moment, and reflect on what an asset this is for you. Have a great week everyone, and here's wishing a happy Mother's Day to all the Mothers and Grandmothers. Take care of yourselves and of each other, stay safe out there and as always, remember to stay connected.

03/05/2026

Something I have been writing about here of late I know, is about how ruptures develop in relationships. Often we reflect on things that are said to us. They will reappear as angry words which feel like they haunt us, bouncing around inside our heads, as if the speaker is still standing with us. We reflect on how we perceive we have acted, what we "should" or "should not" have said, how we should handle ourselves in these situations. At these times, it is chatter from our inner critic that we are listening to.

The reality is, that people will often say to us things only once or twice. Within our families or from our nearest and dearest, they can come a lot more frequently than that, and a part of us can then start to accept that the person is right, and that their perception of us is the correct one. This is in part because our inner critic is perhaps seeking to protect us from ourselves, by delivering us lots of dire warnings. You know the sort; they are the "it must be you" type of comments that we tell ourselves, or "well how could it be anyone else but you?" This inner voice is there for us all, and we can hear it in all sorts of situations; from simple things like working out what to throw in with the weekly shop, to whether or not we should wear this or that outfit, or conversations that we have with a manager at work.

Well although I think that we can train this inner voice a lot better than we sometimes do, teaching it to be more compassionate in it's approach towards us for example, I was reminded during this last week of the fact that when we want to silence it a little more, sometimes this can be done by changing the activities that we engage in. So, what do I mean by this? Well on Tuesday, I went with a friend to purchase a new lemon tree. We stood in Bunnings as we chose from the range of dwarf trees and large sized trees deciding on whether to put it into a pot, or straight into the ground. Now admittedly, I'm no green thumb, so when we got home, I left the planting to my friend. Still, I'm good at pulling the grass out which persistently grows up to annoy me between my paving stones. I can clear up the fallen autumn leaves, trim back some of the plants which escape out of the confines of their garden beds and on to my paths, and so on. As my friend planted the new trees therefore, I set to work to do what I could.

As I did, I found myself feeling very aware of the here and now. I could feel the sun on my head and shoulders, the grit getting in underneath my fingernails, and could concentrate on the fight I was having with kitchen scisors that I had taken with me into the garden. As I filled my bucket with green waste, I was aware that my mind was peaceful. I was not noticing my inner voice directing me to do this or that, but was simply listening to the birds singing, enjoying the day and the feeling of being out in it.

It was a good reminder to me that if we look hard enough, we can all find tasks to involve ourselves in which give us a mental break from the "shoulds" that we face on a daily basis, and the running commentary of our inner critics. I am not saying that gardening is for everyone. Others might prefer to go on an early morning run in this last month of autumn. Some might prefer to go on a hike, or take a swim at a local pool. For others it might be choosing to sit in the sun with a book or to meditate, trying a new recipe, completing a jigsaw puzzle or listening to a game of football or to music. The possibilities are endless, and the trick here is to work out what takes you out of yourself, and allows you to forget for a while. If you can find what really works for you, it broadens your skills, and also gives you an idea of what you want to put your energy into, what interests you as you go forward.

Have a great week everyone! In your travels, try to give some thought to what supports you to stay in the here and now and not be bogged down by that critic. Remember also that it too has it's place, and that we can at times benefit greatly from it leading the discussion in some self-reflection. Still, when that discussion goes on for too long, the reality is that it is no longer helping and we stop really listening. This is where a break can be good. Take care of yourselves and of each other, stay safe out there and as always, remember to stay connected.

19/04/2026

One of the things that I have been reflecting on this week, is how we repair ruptures, in the relationships which are important in our lives.

So, what do I mean by this? Well the reality is of course, that what constitutes much of the important detail of our lives, are the relationships that we build with those we love best. The most important ones, are with the people who sustain us. They get us. They are the ones we turn to in times of need, the ones who can read our moods from across a room, and for whom we can do the same. If you are lucky, they will include relationships with family. In fact though, for a lot of people, these are relationships with the friends whom we call family.

These relationships often start off as the ones we are born too. They are the ones that exist between ourselves, and our parents, our siblings, or our grandparents. As time goes on, we extend the circle out, make friends, build life partnerships, and then they may include those who are born to us.

What I think we need to remember in all of this though, are a couple of points. Firstly, we need to give our best energy to those who will do the same for us, or with whom we feel real connection. If all we are hearing from people whom we think we should love is demand and expectation, if we are only ever leaned on but can never lean on them, then it might well be time to step back. Secondly, often we will take forward with us from our childhoods or the relationships that we formed when we were young, the way conflict is dealt with. If in your family the elephant in the room was never addressed as it trumpeted away in the corner, then be aware that that might be one of the ways in which you deal with conflict as an adult. If it was always a blame game, with everyone trying to ensure that "it's not my fault", you might feel the overwhelming need during an argument now, to make sure you are not to blame. What we need to remind ourselves at these times is that ruptures, or disagreements with those we love, are naturally going to arise. This is life, it's not a story book! We will have frustrations from our days at work, and perhaps be dealing with any number of life's stressors. Sometimes the easiest thing at those times is to kick out.

If we can talk to ourselves compassionately at these times however, saying things like "yes, I know, you find conflict terrifying because of what happened when you were young, but you are not that person anymore and can choose to do things differently now", then we can silence that inner critic. We can remind ourselves that we are in fact talking about a relationship that might be very different from the ones we formed as children, and that the outcomes then are not relevant to our lives now. If we can also walk into the situation knowing that we are in relationship, that there are always two sides, and with a willingness to listen to what it is that that person is saying they feel too, then we can more easily move past these ruptures. If we can also be honest about our fears, sharing why it is that our default position might be to not take the blame for anything for example, then we will make more sense to the other person in the relationship. The bottom line is that just as is true for you, that person is not a mind-reader. I also stand by the idea that relationships are better after ruptures. They test us it is true, but we can grow through them if we can accept that there is responsibility on both sides, knowing that that person is with us through thick and thin.

One final point I want to make here though is that as I said above, sometimes we can't make things work. Often this is because the person we are in relationship with is not prepared to make an effort to change, or uses harmful behaviours which are nothing to do with us. If that person is physically violent, uses their power in emotional or sexual abuse or is using substances like alcohol or drugs, we are never responsible for this behaviour. They need to deal with their own behaviours, and not find excuses for it in anything that others have done. In the end, we are lucky enough in this country to be able to make choices about how we live, and while these behaviours might be their choices, they don't have to be yours.

Have a great week everyone! Take care of yourselves and of each other, stay safe and always remember to stay connected.

12/04/2026

As we come to another Sunday night, I realise that one of the things that has been figural for my clients of late, is the definition of their small steps to freedom. This is a concept I raise here often I know; that sometimes by changing one small thing, or by taking one step towards something we think we might want to do, we can actually start the process of getting us there in the end. It's quite simple really; if you want to buy a house for example, then downloading a Real Estate App to look at what is available and where, might be a good start. If you don't do anything, however small, you'll never know the options which might be out there for you.

What I have also been reflecting on, is that there are many different sized steps that we can take, and that we can so easily become overwhelmed by decisions about the direction we want to go in. Often this happens because we are so busy absorbing the expectations of others, becoming bogged down by their ideas about the steps we should be taking and how quickly we should be taking them, that we don't spend time working out what it is that we think will get us there.

So, what do I mean by this? Well in one situation a client of mine has been very fatigued by an illness. She lives alone, and is struggling to do household tasks like washing, cooking, vacuuming the floors or sorting out her life admin. On the one hand, she is hearing lots of "shoulds" from the people who are important to her; her children and her friends for example, even the memory of her parents and her husband. She experiences incredible shame, that she has not been able to get her washing done for a few weeks now, and cringes at the idea of asking for help. The problem as I see it, is that she is so good at beating herself up, that the reality of her illness is not something which she feels able to understand as a reason. She can hear her Mother telling her she is lazy in her mind for example, and believes the voice in her memory more than she ever thinks about cutting herself some slack. When people tell her what she should have done by now, she all but hangs her head; she believes that she should have too, but doesn't know how to make a first step small enough.

What we know however, is that when the task that we may have set ourselves feels mountainous, and when a huge leap up that mountain feels next to impossible, taking one small side-ways step is still a step in the right direction. No, she may not be able to clean her study in a morning, but even if she sets a very manageable target like just spending three minutes in the room to start with, and takes five pieces of paper to the bin, there are five less pieces of paper on that desk tomorrow morning. If she can keep it up daily, she will soon make a dint in it. She is grieving, she is sick and she is unmotivated, but if she can at least take that very bite-sized step, and step away from the "shouldisms", she may notice a slight improvement in her mood and will be moving towards her goal.

In another example, I have a client who believes that she "should" be in a better job, and one which will lead to a career path that people around her will approve of. She's had friends who have worked overseas, have completed Masters Degrees and who pay for exotic holidays as often as they can. She feels some shame that she has done none of those things, and is surprised when I ask her "do you want to do them?" Given the time and space to think about this question, she says that they aren't as important to her as living the life that she does now, going camping on the beach, reading books, or making things to sell at craft markets. My point here then, is that fortunately, everyone is different. Sometimes we need to look around for our own "tribe" of people who get us and build that up over time, but what we also need to do is to remind ourselves that only we have the right to say what will work for us. We also don't need to be pushed down by those expectations, and can choose to remember that simply having lived overseas for a few years does not mean that her friends have a life with superior experiences in it; rather, they did something that worked for them which is great, but does not have to be a goal for everyone.

So, as you go about your week, keep looking for the little things that you can do differently, the small steps that you can take and try to silence the clamour in your mind about the things you "should" be doing. . If you are supporting friends or colleagues with similar road-blocks to the ones that I have described above, remember that a listening ear can make such a difference. Simply by not judging, you might allow that person to deepen their exploration of what is important to them. Take care of yourselves and of each other, stay safe out there, and as always, stay connected.

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