Funerals by Nicole

06/09/2026

I watched a show on Netflix last night - Famous Last Words.
I loved it, A: because there is no fanfare or hype surrounding it, and
B: It is EXACTLY what it means for reality TV.

The premise is simple. Someone who is considered to be famous in someway, relatively well known who is facing death in a very real way, is invited to come discuss their life and legacy. No audience, just the interviewer and interviewee. Not even camera operators are permitted, and although producers can watch from another location, there is no audio leaving the room.
The discussion that follows is recorded, only to be made public after the person passes. Toward the end of the conversation, the interviewer leaves the person to privately speak to the camera audience, with what will literally be their words from the grave.

Last night I watched Gloria Steinem, and part of Eric Dane's last interview(I'll watch the rest tonight). Just knowing that they had to freedom to speak and discuss, share thoughts and openly discuss their level of comfort is truly beautiful to witness. Especially on the instance of Eric Dane, who passed from ALS, not old age. It was his chance to share his experiences for the world, but most importantly for his daughters, who are still relatively young.

I really love this idea. I would love to see instances within funerals where it is not just the reflection of a life lived, but the thoughts words and understandings spoken to them by the one who was loved. I understand that its not for everyone, its a confronting idea, and their will be some people who would abuse the privilege in order to continue abuse and torment.

Grief is not something to be suppressed and hidden. As a society we need to allow healthy expression of all our emotions, not just the ones we are comfortable with.

Death will come for all of us, not just the famous. Your last words may be exactly what someone else needs to hear to help them process their pain.

17/06/2026

Yesterdays location for a natural burial.

Im very lucky as I literally live 5 minutes from where a memorial park offers this option.
Truthfully though, I will be cremated and my ashes scatter in w locations. But I love that this option is available.

16/06/2026

How do I put this delicately?

Your funeral is not about you!

It's about allowing the people who shared your life to grieve.

How often in life are we told to suck it up?
Push our feelings down? Fellow GenXers I am looking at you.
We were raised to suppress our emotions and just get on with it. And how well has that worked for not only us, but the generations that came after us?

We are a world that feels deeply but is extremely unhealthy in our expression of those feelings. We are also very entitled and self absorbed. So we over express or not at all.

I can't fix such big problems world wide. But it doesnt take Einstein to figure out that if we have an opportunity to come together and express out deepest feelings and thoughts in a safe environment, that is a largely positive practice, yes?

I get it, funerals can be expensive. And scary to think about. Western culture especially seems to think it can outrun the Grim Reaper by looking as young as possible for as long as possible.

But the Reaper comes for all of us. So before you say 'I dont want a funeral', ask yourself - is it because you dont want to think about it?

Is it because your dont want to face your own mortality and take the ultimate responsibility financially?

Or do you just not care what happens when the people you love have to deal with what you couldn't?

Ask anyone who has worked in the death or funeral industry, the best funeral experiences arent always the expensive ones. They are the ones that were often thought of prior, where loved ones know what to do, and had decisions made for them. It eases such a load when they are already so overwhelmed.
And if you can't ease the financial burden beforehand (and that is an unfortunate reality for some), at least make your wishes known, give permission for people to grieve, for their sake.

It doesn't have to be elaborate or expensive. It's just about giving people space when they need it the most.

15/06/2026

I find cemeteries to be very peaceful. And I will quite happily wander around them to see what stories I can pick up from history. Todays meandering took me to the monuments that celebrate Dame Nellie Melba, and her family. Dame Nelle, a soprano opera singer, was probably our first celebrity known around the world. An earlier version of Kylie Minogue 😀

04/05/2026

24/11/2025

What do you do when someone says they do not want a funeral?
Funerals aren't really meant for the dead, they're for the living. People need a starting point, somewhere to start the healing journey. The time after death can be like a void, people dont know what to do, who to talk to, how to express the multitude of emotions they're feeling.
Coming together for a memorial honours the wishes of a loved one, but also takes the grief and mourning family and friends are bound to experience into account.

It doesn't need to be fancy and it can be held anywhere giving family more control and time - time to plan and time to attend.

Today was a send off for a much loved man. He didn't want a funeral, so his family did the memorial. And whilst it will always be sad, celebrating a Life will always be filled with Love ❤️

10/11/2025

Memorials.

Many people are opting for a memorial held after the deceased has been cremated or buried. Its not as weird as some may think.

1. The family may not want a big funeral, preferring to say goodbye in private.

2. The deceased may not have wanted a funeral in the traditional sense.

3. Although there is much more availability for ceremonies to be held in alternative locations to the funeral home, church or chapel - not having a physical body present means the ceremony can be held anywhere.

4. Not having a physical body present also allows more time. Important if family or loved ones need some extra time for travel etc.

5. And Urn, Photo or substitute can still be used in a memorial in place of the coffin.

6. Cost. This is a big one for many people. Please note, there will always be costs involved with death. Cremation and burial services are not free, so even for people not wanting a fuss - there will be some costs. So if you are planning a funeral and thinking the memorial will save big $$$, that's not always the case. Plus its a big responsibility either way.

People can be involved in organising their own funeral or memorial. However some may feel less pressure thinking of it as the memorial. It may also feel less intense and more open to celebration. A good funeral planner and funeral director will help take a lot of the responsibility off the shoulders of grieving loved ones. But either way, the celebration of someone's life is generally for the living and is a great way to open up the first steps of the path to healing.

Planning your send off is common sense.

06/10/2025

16/07/2025

Obligatory warning as I will be referring to death and grief.
But also, if you can't handle this topic - why are you on this page???

Recently, I performed a service for a client that I have been conducting professionally for almost 20 years. I believe its an important part of the expression of grief and loss that accompany the death of a loved one.
I'm not a psychologist or counsellor, I've learned through the school of hard knocks that this beautiful life gives us. And in this really shaken up world, there are a lot of people with grief, anger, sadness and confusion just locked down deep inside them.

I held space for the loved ones of a young person to come together in private, away from the funeral space. We dressed her, her mother and grandmother spoke, we blessed her body and thanked it for being the vessel that carried her soul. There were tears, lots of them - and people were allowed to cry and let down their guard just for a short time. It was a small group of trusted people, we created a physical circle around her and sent her our love.

Often with modern funerals, people feel the need to remain stoic and keep control of their emotions. I've let tears flow at funerals and found people staring at me - immediately making me feel self conscious. That is such a devastating feeling.

I don't know if its a hark back to the Victorian idea of a 'stiff upper lip', but its destructive to our mental and physical well-being.

You can, as a client, request time with the body of a loved one.
You are able to be present and help to bathe and dress them.
You can put herbs, greenery, incense and flowers in the casket with them.
You are allowed to have that last time with them, away from the pressure of getting through the public service.

I've had people cry, scream, laugh, tell stories, recite poetry, wail and howl in these safe spaces. My role is to make sure they are protected, they will usually have a person there to support them as well.

Most of the time, and in my experience, the funeral director will provide a space, and be discreet whilst still doing their job. So do not be afraid to ask for this service if you feel you need and can handle it.

Rituals have a structure that helps during times of stress. But it still feels so informal and flowing with the emotions.

Yes its confronting. Not everyone can or needs to be able to do it. Seeing the body without the spirit is difficult. But it shows that there is no life there, just organic material. The Spirit is free and unhindered.

Grief is a journey, and we all walk it in our lifetime. Trying to hide from it means we are denying the love that we shared and experienced. Its ok to not be ok with a person we loved dying. In order to move forward in a healthier way, we need, as a society, to accept that grief and grieving are not an inconvenience and there is no timeline. We need to support those who need it. And we also need to take responsibility for our own grieving, not wallow in it, and honour the person we lost. By living and celebrating how much they meant to us.