06/07/2022
A parent who feels their role is self-sacrificing is more likely to raise children who feel like a burden.
Do you ever feel like “I give everything to my children and all they do is take! At least they could listen, for all I do for them!”
👆 This is conditional love. There is a mental transaction that only one person is aware of or part of. And let’s think about the logic here… it’s our job to meet our children’s basic needs, regardless of their behaviour. It’s not a transaction, it’s parenting. It’s love. It’s not conditional. But this can be hard to understand if love has always been transactional for you. In fact, if love has always been transactional, imagine how cheated you feel when you become a parent? You expect something in return for your love.
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Edited to add: A lot of people feeling called out and I know, this one is a bit of a gut punch. I do this sometimes… it’s not to make you feel guilty it’s for the purpose of reflection. My theory is, if this hits you in the gut, you are ALREADY feeling guilt and shame over this. It’s already an issue for you and this post is making it so you can’t ignore that feeling.
For the sake of clarity, this is not referring to every little sacrifice we make because we do make sacrifices (I don’t really see it that way but some do). It is more about whether you feel owed something for those sacrifices. That doesn’t make you a “bad parent.” It just means you found something that you can try to deconstruct. Deconstructing a belief such as this one can actually provide so much clarity and then it often leads to a release from the guilt. The purpose is to release you of guilt, not to cause more. Please I’m telling you that total self-sacrifice is not necessary… please believe me. I’m not saying this to make you feel guilty, I’m trying to help ❤️
Edit #2: Love how I can keep adding commentary with FB. I remember when I felt this way the most. It was when I had a baby who never slept more than 45 minutes and absolutely zero external support. At a certain point I realized I felt this way and started making small changes. I wasn’t relieved of it overnight but once I became aware that I didn’t want my experience to be one of self-sacrifice, I was able to start working towards making that a reality. Slow but intentional growth.
