Brisbane Couples Counselling

31/07/2026

What to expect in your first session with me!

28/07/2026

Article I contributed to - “Cheating is whatever the fidelity agreement or boundary within a relationship is,” Ms Janssen shared to news.com.au.”

I think it’s important to distinguish between a feeling of betrayal and whether something is cheating.

Sometimes people don’t discuss what is or isn’t okay for their relationship, and it can lead to a lot of hurt, confusion and feelings of betrayal. Sometimes we don’t realise we aren’t on the same page until much later.

Regardless, feelings of betrayal still need to be worked through.

This is why I feel so deeply passionate about communicating openly and honestly, and knowing how to be clear about our expectations.

I absolutely believe couples can recover from betrayal, but it takes accountability and a willingness to look at navigating triggers, and how to rebuild relationship 2.0

As Brene Brown says, betrayal can be worked through if it is acknowledged, healed and rare.

https://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/relationships/s*x/man-accuses-partner-of-cheating-over-customised-erling-haaland-s*x-toy/news-story/2dc44f4065d70996914c8267c7dc205d

A relationship drama has erupted online and divided the internet after a woman was caught using a customised adult toy featuring Premier League star Erling Haaland, leading her partner to accuse her of cheating.

12/07/2026

Goodnight to a day of Sunday therapy!

24/06/2026

MENTAL LOAD 🫠🏆💖

One of the most common themes in my sessions with parents right now is mental load.

In the comments, I’ve included a link to an article Maggie Dent wrote about the mental load. I think it captures the mental load really well.

I’ve also added a few thoughts below to help contextualise the conversation for you at home:

🏡 👩 👩‍🍼

Matrescence (a word I can spell, but find it very hard to say out loud 🤣🤣)

It's the physical, neurological, hormonal and psychological transformation that happens when a woman becomes a mother. The term was coined by anthropologist Dana Raphael in 1973, combining "mother" with "adolescence", because that's exactly what it is: a developmental life stage as significant as puberty.

Research shows the brain fundamentally reorganises. The prefrontal cortex, responsible for planning, decision making and prioritising, actually grows. The amygdala becomes hyperreactive to sharpen threat detection for a baby who can't tell you what's wrong. You become wired to read the room, anticipate needs, track everything.

That's not automatically a diagnosis of anxiety. Like when going through adolescence, it’s a natural development process.

🐣👶🍼

A lot of mums still talk about feeling like the default parent - is this true for you at home?

Matrescence creates a brain built to notice gaps.

Studies show that even in dual income households, women handle most of the emotional and logistical aspects of parenting. And Pew Research found the default parent role is more closely tied to gender than to income. Even when women are the primary breadwinners, they're still spending the same amount of time on household tasks.

👨👨‍🍼🚼

It’s important to say Dad’s brains change too:

Men's brains also change after a baby arrives, particularly in areas linked to empathy and social understanding.

In the first 12 weeks postpartum, grey matter in the father's brain appears to shrink, and then between 12 and 24 weeks other areas swell in volume, including the region responsible for anticipating tasks and dividing attention. Testosterone drops. Prolactin, associated with nurturing, increases.

And this is the part I find most compelling: the more engaged a father wanted to be, the more his brain changed. Dads aren't biologically exempt from this transformation.

📚 📋✅

So what actually is the mental load?

It's not just the doing of something. It's the knowing. The tracking. The anticipating. It's the layer of cognitive work running underneath everything.

Research from the University of Bath found that mothers handle 71% of household mental load tasks on average, while fathers handle 29%.

I think it’s helpful for couples to actually understand what's happening in both of their bodies and brains, and to get genuinely curious together about how they share the load.

Additionally, we need more conversation about our expectations of who does what, how we want to parent and what our dream is for that. Sometimes we can walk into parenthood without discussing what we expect, and what the roles and expectations are going to be. Making assumptions can really be an issue. I’ve also included below a link to some content on this.

This is such a big topic! Let me know your thoughts and if the Maggie Dent article resonates.

Full article from Maggie Dent in the comments.

20/06/2026

Coming back to work today after a few days off in Northern NSW! I'm a big fan of mini breaks. I noticed a few things while away:

❤️ Being on my phone is such a habit. I have to deliberately put it away, otherwise I end up working and answering emails and watching 45 minutes of reels randomly. The second I get off my phone and even just look at the view or read for a few minutes, I notice at first I'm uncomfortable, but it's always worth pushing through that to allow my nervous system to settle.

❤️ My husband and I played a game where we came up with prompts for songs. It was kind of an extension of the Love Maps questions in the Gottman app (have you got the Gottman app? It's free!). So, things like - play a song that reminds you of high school, play a song that reminds you of when we first met, play your all-time favourite song. It was simple but connecting and fun.

It reminds me that sometimes we think we have to have or plan for a big date night.

But really, even 10-15 minutes of a "micro date" can shift mood, energy, and increase connection. It's not something we always get right; we're just as susceptible to forgetting the power of small things often, but this kind of thing can be really helpful for our relationships. I think it takes the pressure off and shows us that while going out together is lovely or getting dressed up and doing something special is wonderful, it's all the little, intentional moments that keep us connected too!

PS: for those playing at home my all time favourite song is, “To the Moon and Back” by Savage Garden. 🫶

18/06/2026

Do you have kids?

It sounds like such a simple question, but for so many people I work with, it's anything but. The step-parent who has helped raise their partner's children for a decade, the grandparent who stepped in when the parents couldn't, the foster carer who has loved children through some of the hardest chapters of their lives, and the aunt who is basically a second mum.

Our language hasn't caught up to the reality of how families actually work in Australia. I've been reading the UNSW Uniting Families Report (2024), which pulled together Census and HILDA data to look at who is actually raising Australian children. The numbers are striking: nearly 1 in 3 children does not live in a conventional two-parent biological family, 12% live in step or blended families, 6% live in multigenerational households, and as at June 2024, nearly 45,000 children were in formal out-of-home care, the majority in kinship placements with relatives. In 2021, around 775,000 Australians over 55 were informally caring for someone else's children.

The researchers made a point that I think is worth sitting with: most of our systems, laws, and policies are designed around the assumption that families are a couple with their biological children. Everyone else is an afterthought, if they're thought of at all.

Science actually has a term for the broader picture:

alloparenting, or care of children by people who aren't their biological parents. It's not a modern phenomenon; across human history and cultures, children have been raised by networks of adults - grandparents, aunts and uncles, older siblings, community members.

The isolated nuclear family doing it alone is, if anything, the unusual version.

I work with couples who are navigating these combinations all the time: blended families working out roles and boundaries, grandparents who became primary carers overnight, step-parents wondering if they're allowed to call themselves parents, and foster carers who pour everything into children they may not get to keep.

These relationships are real; the love in them is real, and the work is real. If you're in one of these roles and you've ever stumbled over how to answer that question, you're not alone, and you're not an anomaly - the data says so.

How do you answer "do you have kids?" when the honest answer is more complicated than a yes or no? I wonder if a more helpful question might be, “Tell me about who's in your family?” or “Tell me about your family?”

17/06/2026

📚 Calling all Brisbane-based authors! I want to feature your book!

I’m working on something a little different for 2027, and I need your help to make it happen.

I’m looking to connect with Brisbane authors who have written fiction exploring the beautiful, messy, complicated world of relationships. That might look like:

💔 An affair that unfolds on the page
🚩 Coercive control or power dynamics between partners
💬 The slow unravelling or rebuilding of a long-term relationship
👶 The rollercoaster of trying to conceive, or the decision not to
🧭 Navigating a divorce, or that agonising “stay or go” crossroads
🌱 The transition into parenthood (or choosing life without children)
💑 Young love, long love, late love, all of it

Whether your book has been out for years or you have something new landing later this year or in 2026, I want to hear from you.

Here’s what I’m imagining:

Starting around November/December this year, I’d love to feature 10 to 12 Brisbane authors in a series of relaxed, half-hour to one-hour recorded conversations. Think Zoom, low-key, no fuss. As a couples therapist, I’ll sit alongside you and we’ll dig into the relationship themes in your book: the characters, the dynamics, the questions your story asks of us as readers.

The recordings will live on my page and website, a little library of fiction and feeling that people can return to, share, and be moved by.

My dream is to launch this properly as a monthly series in 2027, so I’m getting the conversations started now. I’d love to have some beautiful books lined up for people to discover as Christmas gifts this year too. 🎁

If this sounds like you, or someone you know, drop a comment below, send me a DM, or email me at [email protected]

I’ll also be reaching out directly to some authors whose work I love. But if you feel called to put your hand up, please do. 🙋‍♀️

17/06/2026

I really enjoyed this book! It’s a heartfelt and funny exploration of long-term relationships. It's honest about the ups and downs and captures the subtle nuances of relationships - so it’s super relatable. What I found particularly interesting was that it's a love story that unfolds 10 years into marriage, when one partner begins to question its future. Set in Brisbane, specifically Ashgrove, the setting added an extra layer of enjoyment for me. I really like fiction that allows us to feel seen and understood, offering a refreshing contrast to the didactic nature of non-fiction.

16/06/2026

One of my absolute favourite parts of my work is what happens outside the therapy room. The conversations in supervision. The ideas that come up with colleagues. The moments where something clicks and I think...I have to share this!!!

This week that moment came from a concept that surfaced in supervision: the somewhat antiquated idea that a relationship is about two people becoming one.

Cue every 90s kid immediately starting to hum Spice Girls. (No? Just me? Okay, moving on.)

It sounds romantic, doesn't it. Two people so in love they merge completely. Same thoughts, same feelings, one unified being.
But here's what I've come to believe, and what the research actually supports: that idea, as beautiful as it sounds, might be one of the things working against your relationship.

The 'we must be one on everything' shows up in conflict a lot. You're wrong, I'm right. It shows up as things needing to be one way or the other. If you see it differently to me, then one of us must be wrong. And so the argument stops being about the actual issue and becomes something much more loaded: a battle for whose reality gets to exist.

"That's not what happened."
"Why do you always twist things?"
"I'm sorry you feel that, but...."

Sound familiar? That's not two people being difficult. That's two people operating under the belief that only one version of events can be true, and both fighting to make sure it's theirs.
But real intimacy doesn't come from sameness. It comes from two distinct people, with their own inner worlds, their own perspectives, their own rich and separate lives, choosing each other anyway.

Separateness isn't a threat to love. It's actually what makes love possible.

You cannot truly be known by someone if there is no longer a "you" to know. You cannot be chosen by someone if there is no longer a choice to make.

I've written a full blog post on this, including why we get so upset when our partner doesn't agree with us, how two subjective realities can both be true at once, and how the Gottman Method gives us really practical tools for navigating difference with curiosity instead of combat.

Link in comments!

One of the best parts of my job is the learning, conversations and reflection I get to do in supervision and with colleagues. I just love learning and then sharing ideas that might be of help for all of us going through the same things.Today a concept came up in supervision about the idea of a marri...