27/09/2026
Knock, knock is the old you I use to know, still there ?
I ask because you've changed and I'm not sure if I like this new you !
Well the answer to that questionable statement, is yes. The old me is still here, just as the new me is and has no intention of ever leaving.
Okay you've stated you preferred the old me and I this got me thinking why the old me was preferred.
Sure there was alot I too liked, about the old me as stated, I was innocently naive, unaware of the illusions that had plagued my life. Wasn't aware that so many chose willingly to wear the masks they did. I saw the good in everyone and chose to believe everyone had good intentions and wished the best for all who they knew.
Then I began being targeted for many unkindly reasons, blamed and accused of things I would never even thought possible. I never truly understood what being bullied, ostracised, controlled, dictated and manipulated was honestly like. Afterall people weren't suppose to be, so nasty and vindictive towards others.
What happened to lending a hand because you could and honestly wanted to. I started to witness others, only offering when they could benefit, with very little effort put in. I couldn't believe the knives that would appear, just so others would rise above there supposively unwitting opponent.
People taking advantage of the less fortuneate and naive, simple minded souls believing in the goodness of others.
Boundaries weren't necessary as one always felt others, would never cross such lines to cause so much grief, over gaining a few inches in arriving at the front of some invisible line.
After dragging myself through the thorns and finding very little to no roses. I began to realise, how I'd foolishly been an easy target for anyone with ill intentions. Or even with a jealous streak a mile long. There egos were there leaders and showed signs of beheading anyone who were caught in the crossfires of them achieving at any cost.
So yes the old me is still around, it's just I had to find the part of me. Who'd survive all that I'd now become aware of. I couldn't remain naive and blantly unaware of the worlds toxicity engulfing my world anymore.
I had to build walls, find suitable boundaries for each and every soul I would come in contact with and ensure they were flexible. As daily life demanded it.
I still love deeply, I care far more than I should, I know this. I willingly lend a helping hand to those in need and I empathise with those I've chosen to be around. The old me still gets a wake up call nown again. Simply because I let my guard down, but I am different and that's cause I had to find a way to survive.
So if your only looking for the old me, I have to ask why. What are your intentions and what do you have install for me. Cause those who know me and stuck around and are aware of what I've endured. Understand why the old me, needs the new version of my character coming out to play.
The chapters ahead, need all of me united and willing to play there parts, when called upon.
So if your knocking and I don't answer the door, remember I have woken up and have no more intentions of being a puppet, in your unkindly games any further.