15/05/2022
On a cold and rainy winters day I came across this article on the BBC’s news website; something I obsessively read every morning when I wake up, to keep in touch with news and politics from the UK.
This article really stirred an emotion in me. As a doctor seeing multiple patients on a daily basis who are desperate to start a family, I am acutely aware of how stressful this journey can be.
People don’t realise how difficult it can be for patients seeking fertility help. These challenges are compounded by numerous other extrinsic stressors. Other members of the family getting pregnant, peer group, work colleagues and friends doing the same. There are constant adverts showing babies and pregnant women. The main thought that was triggered in my mind when I read this article, is the pressure people feel from loved ones asking about fertility. I have seen this in my own family and I am fully aware that these questions, sometimes asked in a public forum does not come from a bad place, quite the opposite, but the effect of these questions, even if its unintentional can be really hurtful and exacerbate an already distressing situation.
It is obvious that people would want to keep their medical histories confidential. Discussing any relevant details of investigation outcomes, treatments and so on is not something anyone should feel obliged to share with others. I can’t think of any other medical field, where people feel the pressure to discuss very private details.
So, addressing the question of “when are you going to have a baby?” … I think the best approach is to just never ask this question. Let your loved ones discuss things when and if they feel ready to do so. You may have no idea of the distress some people go through in the hope of getting pregnant. People experience multiple pregnancy losses, multiple unsuccessful fertility treatments, endure complex operative procedures, and this is just to mention a few. These very challenging experiences are often too painful to talk about.
I hope you all had a restful and happy weekend
A son is duty-bound to look after parents but must he deliver grandchildren too?