Ben Eames, Counsellor

Ben Eames, Counsellor Empowering men to live their values, love their partners, reach their goals, and make an impact on the world.

23/07/2026

Hard truth. If you wait until you feel better to start living, you might be waiting a very long time. 🌤️

Nobody warns you that healing doesn't always show up first. Sometimes it shows up in the middle of the mess, while you're already out there doing the thing scared, sad, unsure if you're ready.

Go to the party sad. Take the trip anxious. Start the new job uncertain. Your mind was never going to hand you a fully healed version of yourself before life let you back in. Most of the time it works the other way around.

The experience itself does something the waiting never could. It gives your mind something real to work with, actual moments instead of more time spent bracing on the sidelines.

So today, do the thing. Do it exactly as you are right now, feelings and all.

Send this to someone who's been putting life on hold until they feel ready. 🌅

22/07/2026

Sunday evening thought before the week starts. One of the biggest cheat codes in life is realizing you're allowed to wake up one day and say "that's enough of that." And just change direction. Completely. đź§­

No approval required from anyone. No perfect plan needed first. No explaining yourself to everyone who got used to the old version of you.

Your mind treats identity like a fixed setting, but it isn't one. Every "that's enough of that" moment shows you can install a new pattern whenever you're actually ready to, not just when circumstances force your hand.

Most people wait for a crisis before they let themselves change. You don't need one. Deciding is enough on its own.

So as this week opens up, ask yourself if there's a "that's enough of that" you've been sitting on. You don't need the whole plan tonight. You just need the decision. 🌙

18/07/2026

Happiness has a secret ingredient people skip past. Excitement. Not the big-milestone kind. The everyday kind. There's real science to this. 🌟

Your morning tea. A sunset that happens to catch you at the right window. A friend texting "free Tuesday?" Small moments that are already the good part, no upgrade required.

Your mind decides what counts as exciting based on what you train it to notice. Most minds are trained to save excitement for the big stuff, the promotion, the vacation, the milestone. Which means most days get filed as neutral by default, even when they're actually full of small good things.

Train your mind differently. Let the tea count. Let the sunset count. Let a random Tuesday with a friend count as much as anything on the calendar.

Excitement is a lens you can choose to look through, starting today.

Send this to someone who needs the reminder that today already has good things in it. 🍵

17/07/2026
12/07/2026
Heads up, because there are too many socials to keep track of, this page is going to stay pretty static and I’m going to...
06/07/2026

Heads up, because there are too many socials to keep track of, this page is going to stay pretty static and I’m going to be using my other one instead for FB. If you want to follow my counselling, wellbeing and psychology content, click follow to join me over there! https://www.facebook.com/share/1LAbAqCqZY/?mibextid=wwXIfr

The page for all my public content and posts. If you want to enquire about counselling with me, all the info is at www.sanctuaryts.com.

These are really helpful insights from Justin Coulson re the manosphere and its effect on our boys.
23/06/2026

These are really helpful insights from Justin Coulson re the manosphere and its effect on our boys.

The manosphere is booming. And “looksmaxxer”, 20-year-old Braden Eric Peters, known online as “Clavicular” is taking up more space than ever. Peters has spent years sculpting and surgically altering his face and body to maximise his s*x appeal.

On a recent “Impaulsive” podcast episode with fellow manosphere heavyweight, Jake Paul, the pair were discussing how good-looking other men were. After all, appearance is everything when the world is totally online.

“What would you rank Timothée Chalamet?”

Peters responded: “Around 6.25 … 6.5.” He went on to assess Chalamet’s “s*xual market value”. “Pretty high. He’s only gonna get girls on birth control though,” he added, before going on to explain that this is a bad thing because “women with higher oestrogen … are attracted to, like, more masculine faces.” and explain why highly masculine faces are more attractive to women.

Clavicular has spent years surgically altering his face and body. He advocates “bonesmashing” – hitting one’s face with a hammer to change its shape. He told the New York Times he suspects he’s sterile after years of self-administered testosterone injections.

Welcome to the world your son is already navigating.

Most parents have never heard of looksmaxxing. But their sons have. The forums, the YouTube channels, and the TikTok rabbit holes are vast, and they reach boys at ever younger ages despite the government’s social media minimum age legislation. In research I drew on for my book Boys, I described studies where academics and journalists created accounts with male-identified profiles and monitored what the algorithm sent them. In some instances, the accounts were fed manosphere-adjacent content within 23 minutes. After a few hours, three quarters of recommendations were classified as harmful. This was despite the accounts not liking, sharing, or commenting on anything!

As hard as it is to believe after reading that, looksmaxxing sits at the milder end of that unhealthy manosphere ecosystem. It’s not Andrew Tate, Myron Gaines, or HSTikkytokky. But it flows from the same stream. Jordan Peterson, Scott Galloway, or Chris Williamson also sit in the manosphere – as men talking to boys and men online. They encourage their audience of boys and men to do hard things, make something of themselves, and take responsibility. This is great. But taken to the extremes of those on the periphery of the manosphere is just plain wrong – and dangerous. And note – ththose ideas would stay on the periphery except for algorithms that endlessly amplify extremes in an attention economy that rewards the outrageous and the bizarre.

The boys drawn to this aren’t stupid, and they aren’t broken. They’re responding to real pressures.

They want to be strong. They want to be noticed. They want to feel significant. They want to look, sound, and feel… manly. And they think this is the way to get there.

But you don’t build healthy, strong young men from the outside in. You build them from the inside out. Right now, it’s Code Red. Too many boys are not feeling strong.

Data shows boys and men are falling behind in education. They’re more likely to be unemployed, more likely to die by su***de, more likely to live at home into their thirties. Dating apps and social media platforms filter on appearance before anything else; before kindness, humour, character, or competence even get a look-in. When a young man sees that looks matter enormously in his actual lived experience, and the adults around him say “just be yourself,” he senses the gap between those two realities. And when he’s not thriving, he believes the screen.

Character development is the slow, unglamorous work of growing up. That work doesn’t happen in a vacuum – it happens in our homes. It happens in relationships, and parents are the most important relationship a boy has.

A few things that actually help:

First, name the world he’s in. If your son is online – and he is – he’s already encountered this content. Don’t wait for a crisis to have the conversation. Ask what he’s watching, who he admires, what he thinks makes a man worth respecting. Listen more than you lecture.

Second, understand what’s underneath it. If your son is interested in looksmaxxing or the unhealthy edges of the manosphere more generally, don’t just react to the surface. Ask yourself what need is driving it. Is he lonely? Does he feel incompetent? Is he searching for a sense of identity and purpose? Those questions lead somewhere useful. “Stop watching that rubbish” doesn’t.

Third, offer a better model of strength. The manosphere is filling a vacuum. Boys are hungry for a definition of masculinity that feels real and achievable – one that isn’t just sensitivity or femininity rebranded, but also isn’t dominance and denigration.

My definition – and the definition I think should be drip fed into the brains of every male in the country morning and night until they get it is this: Healthy masculinity is seen in the boy or man who helps the people around him feel safer and stronger. That’s the definition I developed in my work, and it’s one boys can actually use.

Last, and most important, be the relationship that competes with the algorithm. You can’t out-produce the content machine. But you can be present, interested, and consistent. Research is clear that a strong parental relationship is one of the most protective factors against harmful online influence.

The boy hitting himself in the face with a hammer isn’t looking for a better jawline. He’s looking for a place to belong and a reason to believe he’s worth something. That’s a conversation parents can have – and it’s one that matters far more than any TikTok post or podcast can reach.

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Rochedale South, QLD
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