02/09/2026
We love sharing the breakthroughs that happen in therapy. And they are beautiful.. the moment someone finally recognises their worth, or realises they can trust themselves again.
But I think it's just as important to talk about what happens before the breakthrough. The shadow-y part we so often try to move through on our own. The stuff that makes us squirm, or even avoid altogether.
In NLP, we understand that every behaviour has a positive intention. Every behaviour is in some way trying to achieve something positive.. for us. Not for others - for us.
The unconscious mind's whole job is to keep us alive, so it’s going to use whatever tool it’s got - to do exactly that, even the behaviours we're not proud of, even the ones that hurt others. Understanding that doesn't excuse the impact. But it does let us meet ourselves with a little compassion instead of shame - and shame is exactly what makes us want to look away.
Because shame is uncomfortable to sit with, isn't it?
The unconscious is the storehouse of our memories. Everything we've ever seen, heard, felt, tasted, touched, smelt. So, when we lean into it, like we do in NLP Therapy, we're leaning into all of it, not just the tidy parts. And that can be uncomfortable.
When things get uncomfortable, we instinctively find ways around the shadow - instead of through it. We throw ourselves into work or sign up for another course, read another book, call it “growth" or just call ourselves "busy.” Maybe we drink, do drugs - whatever it takes to get away from getting uncomfortable.. Deep down, it's avoidance. And we know it.
That's the clown talking. And it’s loud enough to drown out the quieter, wiser voice underneath it, the one that already knows the way forward.
I think Marie Louise Von Franz said it better than I ever could..
"Somewhere, in the very depths of our being, we generally know where we should go and what we should do. But there are times when the clown we call 'I' behaves in such a bewildering way that the inner voice cannot make itself heard."
I wonder where in your life, the clown is currently doing the talking?
