08/08/2026
Discoveries of self-worth
Thereâs a little girl growing up in a house with her parents, older brother, and two younger siblings. Sheâs always drawing pictures and messages for her parents about how much she loves them. This love is âbigger than the whole, wide worldâ and the pictures have lots of âXOXOâs.â Her parents smile. She feels warm and safe inside. She tries hard at school to get 100% on tests. She wins certificates for art, prizes for colouring-in, and ribbons for running fast. Her parents nod and approve. They boast to others. Itâs the only time she feels important. She hungers for these rare moments, and âSpecial-from-othersâ becomes the oxygen for her existence. Gradually, she is shaped by this â the nods, smiles, approval â the permission to feel good about herself. She learns that the source of worth is outside herself.
This is the external nature of worth. Itâs one of the most significant wounds we need to explore on our trauma healing journeys. We need to wake up to this lie. The source of self-worth comes from WITHIN. Consider - if you notice a cat lounging in the sunshine, or watch a butterfly floating through the daisies, or enjoy rose buds unfurling pink crowns to the sky, you get living examples of âjust being.â There are no further requirements.
You really, truly ARE âenoughâ just being your Self.
Self-worth is NOT about performance, productivity, or comparisons and competitions with others. Self-worth is not an external quest. The Holy Grail is,ât lost somewhere, away, far away, over distant mountains with treacherous paths, where we must win tokens to pass through forbidden gateways. However, if weâve experienced trauma in our early years, now as adults, self-worth might feel exactly like that; elusive, external, and something we must earn.
Living from external self-worth can show up as feelings of abandonment, being invisible, unappreciated, or not acknowledged, fearing that you must prove something or youâll miss out, worrying youâve displeased others, and needing validation.
Now is the time to claim â or reclaim â your innate self-worth.
Acknowledge to yourself when inner cravings swell up for external validation. Say to yourself - âSomething inside me feels small and insignificant,â and âI hear that need for feeling important.â The feelings come from that young child we once were, like in the story above, and itâs a compassionate practice to let her feel heard and noticed.
But you are not a little, vulnerable child now. You have far more power, choice, and ability to act for your own interests than a small child. Remind yourself that you did need external help when you were a child, but NOW you are not a child.
Re-orient yourself in NOW by breathing and noticing that sensation of air coming into and leaving your adult body. Lay a hand on your heartspace and breathe. Claim your birthright to be worthy just for who you are. Remind yourself of your inner qualities and capabilities and let yourself appreciate and enjoy these. If youâre a bit unsure of those, listen to some meditation or shamanic drumming music and ask your inner Self to show you more of who you are. This isnât about that you âhave to give it to yourself because no one else willâ â itâs about realising the truth that was always there â that you were born worthy with your own constellation of specialness inside waiting to become your life.
Here are some helpful things you can tell your Self and feel it into your body:
My life belongs to myself.
I can develop more self-connection and I approve of myself.
I please myself.
I can listen keenly, compassionately inside myself.
I can respond to myself in empowering ways.
I belong to the Universe.
I am worthy just because I exist.
Now that Iâm an adult, I get to nourish and savour my existence.
I can thrive.
Remember, first you will notice your young child feeling unworthy or you might catch yourself in âperforming-for-worthâ type social contracts with others. Secondly you re-orient into Now by acknowledging now you have adult power to like yourself, you accept and value your qualities, and you pursue your natural strengths and interests.
The finishing step is to take action that expresses your self-worth to yourself. Probably something you naturally enjoy or feel talented in, will help with this. Something relating to your values and aligning to your dreams. Singing, dancing, creative activities such as writing a poem or painting, put some flowers in a vase, collect some âfound itemsâ that youâre attracted to from nature and make a display, give yourself a massage or have a bath and care for your skin, a mindful walk where you appreciate your body, make a vision board collage of your dreams. Whatever helps you to reconnect with your adult Self and the truth of who you are â it doesnât even have to be a grand, big display â just something that works to feel the self-connected feeling.
