Divorce celebrant

Divorce celebrant Divorce is one of the hardest things to do. It is a rite of passage and often is full of grief and broken dreams.

Learn how to navigate these hard times with ease, grace, and support.

08/04/2025

Divorce is a significant life transition, akin to a rite of passage. It's a tough one, too.
It takes immense courage to make the choice to divorce, a decision that often comes after months and years of questioning, second-guessing, and gaslighting.
There were years of doubt, unhappiness vieavied with happy moments, moments with kids nad family.
Year of laughter, of growth, of dreams and beautiful journeys together.

Our mothers and their generations fought hard to be able to leave highly dysfunctional relationships.
These days, we have more freedom to choose our paths, including the decision to divorce, a choice that was often not readily available in the past.
We also tent to divorce faster, sooner and for less problems. Our expectations of what a good marriage looks like have changed significantly and is still eveolving.
When I was confiding in my mum about the struggles in my marriage, she had some hard questions for me and also shared more about the profound sense of isolation she experienced in her own marriage.
"if only someone just made me a cup of tea and wished me a good morning".
My parents marriage was far from ideal and as a teenager I wished they would divorce much sooner than they actually did, which was after I left home.

In today's world, divorce is increasingly recognized not as a failure but as a courageous step toward personal growth and new opportunities.
Every relationship, even those that end in divorce, imparts valuable lessons, shaping and guiding us toward who we aspire to be. Choosing to part ways can be a testament to self-awareness and the pursuit of happiness.

Either way, if you are on my page, intense growth isn't too far from you. It comes with growing pains, I know.
Whatever you choose, remember this is a rite of passage, and you are strong!

What rage?
02/11/2024

What rage?

19/07/2024

This is a comedy piece. Please read it with a joyful inner voice and a grain of salt (it's only based on a true story).
I went on a dating app. Change is as good as holidays, goes an old saying.
I matched quickly with a younger, hot man.
I said Hi (women make the first move). He said "Hi, I like it rough".
Which could have been a good point to exit, but I was intrigued. Not by rough, but what sort of opening is that? He says to send me some photos. Okay, I did send a few very arty B&W photos where your imagination is the power force. Meaning: you have to have the imagination to see nudity there.
Then, I sent my true face, there and then. He was still brave and asked for a photo of my lingerie, which I also sent.
He immediately opted out of the conversation.

I feel ripped off. I thought I had this one in my sleeve or in my room. But no. All it took was a five-minute conversation, and I was out of his game. I have to say, I had a pretty good time. I knew where this was going from the beginning.

What I'm saying, is when men ask me what pleasure I take or what makes me laugh, I often think: It's just you.

18/07/2024

I'm moving away from this page and exploring more the insights and colors of an Open marriage. Find me on Instagram openness_marriage.

I don't know if it's astrological, but there was a lot of conflict around me in the past few weeks. It happened in my re...
14/06/2024

I don't know if it's astrological, but there was a lot of conflict around me in the past few weeks.
It happened in my relationship and in my friends' relationships.
Sometimes, the solution is to go away and be by myself. Cool down and seek a different perspective.
The thing is, if you are always hanging out with the same people during your cool-down period, you will not get many fresh ideas. We tend to have friends who agree with us and support us, and that's so good and important.
But sometimes, it's good to check other perspectives.

What if he is not such an ass as you though?
What if that bitch is right about your bad habits?

And what if Hollywood movies always lie to us about what is ok and what is not?
I get annoyed when I see this in a movie:
Man cheats on his wife, and she packs his bags, no discussion, goodbye. That seems like a poor communication to me.

Does cheating mean the end of a relationship? Is having s*x with someone else really the worst thing in your marriage, or does it point out other issues?
Like a lack of emotional intimacy with your partner? Not having enough quality time?
I'm not talking if you are having s*x with your long-term partner because chances are it's on the low end.

Cheating doesn't just happen out of the blue.
A good relationship doesn't happen just because you love each other. Trust in a relationship is built; it's not automatically given.

It's easy to blame the other person, but you danced yourself into a sticky situation. Take responsibility for your part. It does not mean you're wrong about your partner's bad habits.
I'm just urging you to find compassion amid righteous anger. For both of you.

I just got new photo portraits done. I have worked with many photographers, doing photoshoots for fun or work, fashion ...
28/03/2024

I just got new photo portraits done.
I have worked with many photographers, doing photoshoots for fun or work, fashion shows, modelling experience or as a consultant.

I love working with people when their art is their ART.

How do you get the Essence of a person rather than a forced smile?

If you need photos for work or just for fun (or imaginary business), get them done!
Call my friend Raji Devato do it with. I highly recommend her.

How did I survive my relationship? Well, I did a lot of separating from my partner. Or, more likely, separating from old...
29/02/2024

How did I survive my relationship?
Well, I did a lot of separating from my partner.
Or, more likely, separating from old patterns of my old relationship.
I want to share one of my ways of working with separation. It doesn't matter of you are currently in a relationship or we you have already separated.
I'm talking about doing a ceremony. It's one of my ways, and this can be done as part of any psychotherapy or other process.

Musings on jealousy:(and pomegranates)Many of us experience we get energetically fed from our relationship, or more spec...
05/02/2024

Musings on jealousy:
(and pomegranates)

Many of us experience we get energetically fed from our relationship, or more specifically, from our partner.

I want his love, attention and everything to feed and validate me.

Nope, we don't do this completely consciously and here is where the s**t starts to roll under the marital bed.

As always, I love working with stories and mythology. So, if I imagine I am a goddess (as we new-age chicks love to refer to ourselves sometimes), then the question is: which Goddess would be my primary role model?

What we know about gods or goddesses is they also need to be fed, usually with devotion, songs and flowers. Occasional sacrifice goes a long way. It's the same with us. This is what we want from our partner to keep the relationship alive. "Feed me energy and devotion".
And like goddesses, who are far from perfect, we experience anger, jealousy and all that jazz. I'm referring to the Greek pantheon; perhaps the easter religious goddesses were truly flawless. Thinking about Athena, for example, she got pretty jealous a few times over some other pretty, mortal girl and took her revenge. Or Hera, the mighty archetype of mother and keeping the house together, was happy to make an unpleasant life for those poor girls who happened to be attractive to her husband Zeus.

I have set on a journey to truly and deeply explore my jealousy.
If you ask me "Is being jealous normal?", I'd say absolutely yes. Just like fear, hatred, anger, guilt...
We are well supported and socialized to overcome those "negative" emotions, but jealousy is a funny one.

How far am I willing to set my partner free?

Only as far as I still feel nourished.
Yet, the altars we build to the relationship, well, how much do we tend them properly ourselves?
Where is my devotion? Is is mingled with some petty resentments?
The idea here is to check which goddess or deity is closest to me. Not as an ideal, but who am I actually ruled by? Who gets most of my energy, really?
To set up the altar to jealousy is a funny thing, yet, Yes, Wow. This is where my power and nurture come from, or it gets blocked. To set up altars to our petty s**tty selves is actually quite awesome.
To set up an altar to the underworld of my own psyche is to explore my subconscious, unconscious, you know, the stuff I don't normally see.
I stepped deeper into darkness and once again tasted the pomegranate seeds offered by Hades.
Or the apple of knowledge offered by the snake, choose your fruit salad freely. It tastes sweet, and it's terrifying, of course.
So much juice!

18/01/2024

If you are here, I presume it’s because you are thinking of divorce or are halfway through one.
I guess you are not having the time for your life.

Or are you?

We react so differently to endings. Generally speaking, there is usually sadness, but there is also so much more. For some, it’s a defeat, or it can bea a victory. For many of us, it’s both.

I’m curious, of course, why are you here? What do you need right now?

Support? Guidance?

Generally, primarily women come to me asking for advice on proceeding with the divorce as a Rite of passage. I think it’s because we understand the power of good connections and social inclusion. And so do men, so please excuse my momentarily s*xism :-)

You might think you just failed terribly, yet here you are, seeking the best solutions for ending something precious in your life. You care. You love.

I was privileged to witness divorces when two partners recognised their journey together was over, yet there was still enough love to part well.

It Is such a beautiful ceremony when people say goodbye.

There are many ways to do it. Reach out to me to ask how.

11/01/2024

It has been a very tough year for most of us. I went off social media as I was in a state of choosing a new direction in my life. Since we are here, a huge part of those decisions was a problem that most mammals face. Relationships.

Nope, I'm not completely out of it, but I can see a light.
As I summarised it my best friend this week, I finally made a decision NOT to get divorced and instead, change my relationship. Mostly, with myself. Then to my husband.

It took about a year of tossing and turning and finally about two months of many tears grieving the relationship I understood is now dead. Another fairy tale died.
And a new story can emerge.

More to come.

Getting a divorce ceremony will not take all your problems away like a magic wand. In fact, you will still argue, still ...
04/08/2023

Getting a divorce ceremony will not take all your problems away like a magic wand. In fact, you will still argue, still might get jealous, and still be angry.

So why do it?

I asked a few couples recently who did have a separation ritual if it was actually useful. Of course, I want to know how does it feel two years after the ceremony?

(I also know plenty of divorced people who didn't get a ceremony, so I feel there is something to compare to.)

"I still get upset with my ex-partner,, mostly because we share parenting, and sometimes it just gets difficult!"

This is a person after the divorce ceremony (it really doesn't sound like a good advertisement, does it?). So what has changed, I asked her.

"It just gave me a sense of closure. I know there is no way back, in a completely different way. I also have different expectations of them. My inner relationship with my ex changed so much after the closure. "

I think That's exactly what's happening.
Your ex-partner is not going to change. But your relationship can change. The way you feel inside is going to manifest on the outside.
What sort of person would you like to be now?

And do you prefer to hold on to the hurt, or do you prefer to move on? Let some of that burden go.
Don't become a victim of your past relationship. Find a way to move on. A ceremony is just one of many ways.

26/09/2022

Why have divorce ratings and living de facto raised in the last two decades?
Surely, it must something to do with myths and narratives.

I love ceremonies, and I love old stories. Stories to me are like archaeological sites.
I'm very much amateur in my approach; I don't have a PhD in Jungian psychology or anything like that. (does a Master in Ethics count? I did write my final papers on the power of storytelling. Hmm, I guess it does count after all. )

I find myself inside of my own story. In some rare moments, I can see that clearly. That I live by a specific narrative. To be more precise, I live by quite a few narratives simultaneously.
They are stories I tell myself about my life. Depending on who you ask inside of me, I have a few stories about my life, my happiness and my marriage.
If you are new to the Voice dialogue technique or Gestalt therapy, welcome.

So why would I think that divorce rates have something to do with stories?

Well, take the bloody "Princes in the tall tower" story waiting for the rescue. Cinderella. Snow white. Rapunzel.
Look at the new stories.

Moana.
Pause.

I just searched for female hero stories....Do it.
Then I search for female hero FAIRYTALES.
Female heroes are fairytales, not stories. I know English is my second language, but it hit me hard somehow. Stories and fairytales..Histories and fairytales...

I'm just saying there are lots of stories.
I had to look very hard at my own story.
These days, I'm contemplating divorcing my husband a lot.
Things are not great, I could say. Things really suck, I would say. In the mids of "things", I contemplate what story I live by.
I get angry with him. Really angry.
I get into victim mentality a lot (he is an unbearable kind of man, you see).
I question everything he tells me and listen deeply to everything he tells me.
I cannot decide if he is mad and I'm crazy or the other way around.

I know that EVERY story has two sides if it involves two individuals.
I was told this by many people, and I trust this wisdom. I was told by a divorced woman, "It was all his fault". I was told by divorced women, "I had my part in failing of the marriage; I just couldn't see it at the time." I was told by divorced men they have no regrets about divorcing. I was told by the divorced men they didn't understand the woman, and they lived with regret.
I have heard both genders say they couldn't do it anymore.

I hear people who love giving without the "bulls**t". I hear lonely people all the time too.

I'm scared of being lonely. Don't take me wrong; I need my personal space a lot. And in this personal space, I reflect a lot today: Who Am I? What are my faults? Am I taking responsibility for my mental space? I blame HIM a lot, but amongst it, what is my story? My expectations, patterns, voices?

What is your story?
What is your part of the story, and does it still suit the modern age?
Does your personal story have to change?

At times, I think of the old saying by Budha: Hating someone is like drinking poison and wishing the other person would die.

Is your story your poison?

with love
Maya

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Uki, NSW
2484

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