12/08/2026
How we talk and interact with children matters. Small changes in what we say and how we say it can help children make sense of the world and their feelings. Children learn best when they are in a calm, alert state, and our words can help them get there.
Observe and Comment on Feelings When children are upset, frustrated or worried, it can be helpful to tell them what you notice rather than asking lots of questions.
Instead of:
❓ "What's wrong?"
❓ "Why are you crying?"
❓ "Why are you upset?"
Try:
✅ "You are worried."
✅ "You are feeling a bit cranky."
✅ "You are sad."
✅ "You are disappointed."
✅ "You are frustrated."
Helping children put words to their feelings supports emotional regulation and helps them understand what they are experiencing. You can also add information about what they can do when they feel that way:
✅ "You are worried and you will be safe.
✅ "You are a bit cranky and it's not okay to hit."
✅ "You are sad; it's hard when you can't have what you want."
✅ "You are disappointed and we can work it out together.
"Try Using "And" Instead of "But" The word "but" can sometimes unintentionally make children feel that their emotions are being dismissed.
For example: ❌ "I know you're upset, but it's time to go." Instead, try using "and":
✅ "I know you're upset, and it's time to go."
✅ "That was frustrating, and you can ask for help."
✅ "You had lots of fun, and now it's time to go home."
Using "and" acknowledges children's feelings while also helping them understand that they can experience difficult emotions and still cope with what comes next. Remember, all feelings are okay. When we help children understand and name their feelings, we support their emotional wellbeing, resilience and ability to regulate over time
