Jennifer English Counselling

06/18/2026

06/18/2026

‘Parts’ refers to the neurobiological adaptive response that is hardwired in us from an evolutionary standpoint when it comes to survival.
Our parts are not able to distinguish between the fear elicited when confronted with a bear and that of an unpredictable volatile partner. Fear simply lands as fear and our survival instincts (hardwiring) kicks in.
In the case of fear we might orient from a place of fight, flight, freeze, or submit (developmentally we have a third hypo arousal trauma response that being attach)
Our parts are activated when a region of our brain (frontal lobe/prefrontal cortex) is hijacked and goes offline. Within this our ability to think logically, rationally and regulate emotions is compromised partially if not entirely.
That being said, we legitimately don’t have the neurological capacity to rationalize thoughts and/or feelings.
Our parts show-up in an effort to protect us and as messengers to communicate a need I.e. the need for safety emotional or otherwise.
The presentation of our parts is proportionate to what is occurring in one’s environment and in an attempt to adapt- which lands as to cope, mange or survive.
Bottom line, when we’re offline the expectation that we logic our way through or out of a trauma response is not fair nor realistic.

06/18/2026

We go through tough changes as we work on ourselves or in therapy. However, our new way of being in the world, big or small, can make us question if the change is good.⁠
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If you're a bit raw, doing things outside your comfort zone, and unable to be in situations you used to be "ok" with, you're doing it right.⁠
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Progress breaks our old tolerance for discomfort, abuse, and bullsh*t.⁠
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*You might be unable to gossip with your mother about a sibling anymore.⁠
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*You might not be able to tolerate one-sided intimacy like before.⁠
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*You might not be able to people please with your boss like you used to.⁠
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*You might be unable to jump into another's mess at your own expense like you used to.⁠
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*You might be unable to keep it going with self-consumed people like you used to.⁠
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But, the hard part is the new territory. We often wonder if we are growing too cold, selfish, or protective.⁠
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Nope. You're just getting healthier, and it's foreign and won't feel graceful for a while yet.

06/17/2026

This is one of the most common negative cycles I see in my work with couples. One partner is desperately trying to be heard, while the other is desperately trying not to feel like a failure. Neither partner wakes up in the morning hoping to hurt the other. Underneath the criticism, defensiveness, shutdown, frustration, and anger are usually two people who feel scared, alone, misunderstood, and disconnected.