08/19/2026
A baby cannot look at you and explain, “Mama, I’m scared, I’m lonely, I’m uncomfortable, I’m overwhelmed, and I need you,” so they do the only thing they know how to do: they cry.
Crying is communication, and before babies have words, it is one of the primary ways they can tell us that something doesn’t feel right.
They may be hungry, tired, uncomfortable, frightened, overstimulated, or simply needing the safety and closeness of the person they know best. They are not manipulating us or trying to control us, they are babies with developing brains and nervous systems who depend on us.
This is why we should not deliberately ignore a baby’s cries in an attempt to teach them not to cry. If crying is communication, intentionally refusing to respond means choosing not to answer the communication they have available.
A baby becoming quiet because you left them to cry-it-out does not mean they have become calm or learned to self-regulate, and research has even found situations in which babies stopped signaling while physiological measures of stress remained elevated. Silence does not necessarily mean the stress or need is gone!
Babies develop their ability to regulate through repeated experiences of being regulated with us. When we hold them, rock them, speak to them, comfort them, and respond to their cries, we help their developing nervous systems move from distress toward safety. Those experiences help build the foundation for emotional regulation, trust, secure attachment, and eventually greater independence.
Also, responsive parenting does not mean perfection. Sometimes you’re driving, caring for another child, using the bathroom, or simply need a moment to collect yourself. There will be times when you genuinely cannot respond immediately, and that is very different from intentionally withholding comfort when you are able to give it.
There will be plenty of time for independence. For now, when your baby cries and you can respond, respond. You are showing them again and again that they are heard, they matter, they are safe, and someone will be there when they need help. ❤️
