Harmony Atlantic

06/25/2026

📚 Therapy Book Club: Part 3
Have you ever set a healthy boundary, only to have the people you love immediately push back? 🌊

You decide to clearly state your needs, protect your energy, and change your steps in a relationship dynamic. And suddenly... the system resists. People might accuse you of being selfish, threaten to withdraw, or escalate their behaviour to test you.

Before you second-guess yourself, know that this is an entirely predictable part of growth. ⚓️

✨ The "Change Back!" Reaction
Renowned therapist Dr. Harriet Lerner calls this the "Change back!" reaction. It is a universal response from any family or relationship system when one person begins to give up their old ways and assert a stronger, more independent self.

🌱 Anxiety, Not Failure
This resistance isn't a sign that you're doing something wrong or that the relationship is doomed. It is simply a reflection of the system's natural anxiety about change. We all belong to larger groups that have a subconscious investment in us staying exactly as we are.

🛋️ Holding Your Ground
The key to lasting growth is to anticipate these countermoves before they happen. Your job isn't to force the other person to change; it’s to hold your own ground calmly and persistently, while staying emotionally connected rather than shutting down.

💬 Let’s Reflect:
How do you typically react when someone pushes back against your boundaries? Can you practice holding your ground this week without disconnecting? 🌿

05/27/2026

Can watching a TV show be a therapeutic tool? 🌿
In the show Couples Therapy, we get a rare look at real therapeutic interventions. Though I work with individuals, people more often than not bring their relationship dynamics into our sessions.

✨ Externalizing the Conversation
Watching Dr. Guralnik work with real couples is a powerful way to see these patterns play out on screen, which can open a door to externalizing the conversations we navigate in our own relationships.

🛋️ The Power of Psychological Distance
Watching from your couch provides a unique opportunity to observe how the human system reacts when it feels threatened or unheard. You can notice a dynamic or a sudden change in behavior and, as you learn about a couple's history, begin to see how the past quietly shapes the present.

⚓ Curiosity from a Distance
This distance helps us realize that our reactions aren't character flaws; they are often protective responses born from our past experiences. It is much easier to practice curiosity toward a stranger on a screen than toward ourselves or our partner in the heat of a conflict.

💬 A Neutral Language
When watched together, it can provide a neutral language for couples to say:
• "I think a part of me does what he just did..."
• "I feel exactly like she does in that moment."

🌊 Curiosity Over Judgment
When we watch with curiosity rather than judgment, we move beyond pathologizing ourselves or our partners. We stop looking for who is "wrong" and start looking for who feels unsafe. Once we see it on the screen, it becomes much easier to recognize that same need for safety in our own lives.

📺 You can find clips and info about the show at

05/20/2026

The words we tell ourselves matter.

So many of us were never taught how to hold ourselves with kindness. Dr. Neff, the pioneer of self-compassion research, shows, that supportive voice is actually a skill we can learn.

We all face challenging times, but the words we tell ourselves matter.
When you’re in a difficult situation that is causing you stress, ask yourself, “What do I need to hear right now to express kindness to myself?” Try repeating a phrase that speaks to you in your particular situation. Some potentials are:
✨ May I give myself the compassion that I need.
✨ May I learn to accept myself as I am.
✨ May I be brave in the face of fear.
✨ May I be kind to myself in this moment.

05/06/2026

Therapy Book Club: The Dance of Anger - Action vs. Reaction

Whether we are the peacekeeper who stays silent, or the person who constantly fights and complains ineffectively, the outcome is exactly the same: we are left feeling helpless and powerless.

We spend our anger energy trying to get another person to change their thoughts, feelings, or behaviours; this never works.

True power isn't about getting someone else to see things your way. It is reclaiming the power to clarify your own boundaries and take new, different actions on your own behalf.

Notice when you are caught in a cycle of complaining and ask "What is the real issue here? What specifically do I want to change?"

04/28/2026

I love this post from You & Improved Counselling It is such a powerful perspective on why we shouldn't avoid our anger, but rather listen to what it's trying to communicate to us. Developing the capacity to speak for our anger rather than from it is the heart of moving toward steady, compassionate leadership in our relationships.

04/21/2026

If anxiety or panic have taken over, listen to this song (but not while driving... seriously)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UfcAVejslrU

The Science
In 2011, the band collaborated with the British Academy of Sound Therapy to specifically engineer this track to lower a listener's heart rate, blood pressure, and cortisol levels.

The song starts at 60 beats per minute (BPM) and gradually slows to 50 BPM. Your heart rate naturally undergoes a process called entrainment, where your body begins to match the rhythm of the music.

The track is 8 minutes long and intentionally lacks a repeating melody. This prevents your brain from trying to predict what comes next, allowing you to fully switch off and simply be.

A study found that listening to this track reduced overall anxiety levels in participants by up to 65%.

An invitation
Next time your system feels overwhelmed, I invite you to find 8 minutes of unhurried time. Sit comfortably, close your eyes, and let your body follow the music back to its natural rhythm.

Caution
Researchers actually do not recommend listening to this song while driving - it is that effective!

3.4M likes, 35K comments. "Marconi Union - Weightless (Official Video)"

04/13/2026

Therapy Book Club: A Reflection from The Dance of Anger

If you've ever felt ashamed of being too nice or worried that your role as the caregiver and peacemaker was just a sign of being passive, this is for you.

In her classic book The Dance of Anger, Harriet Lerner offers a powerful reframe. We often dismiss people-pleasing or niceness as being wishy-washy or lacking a backbone. But Lerner suggests the opposite: Being a peacemaker is actually a highly sophisticated interpersonal skill.

It requires incredible sensitivity and a deep expertise in anticipating other people's reactions. It is the skilled labor of protecting others from uncomfortable feelings; a high-level social intelligence that requires a great deal of emotional interactivity.

From a therapeutic lens, we can see this as a very capable part of ourselves that has mastered the art of reading the room to keep things safe. This part isn't a weakness; it's an expert at navigating complex emotions and shielding others from pain.

The challenge isn’t that you have this skill, it’s that you've spent a lifetime using it almost exclusively outward.

Imagine the shift that would happen if we took that same expertise, that same ability to anticipate needs and offer protection, and redirected it inward. What if you became as protective of your own internal peace as you are of everyone else's? What if you became the world's leading expert on your own internal world?

Notice when that caregiver part of you is working hard for someone else. Can you invite it to turn that same sensitivity toward you for just a moment? What does the “expert on you” know that you need right now?

Note: While Harriet Lerner's work was originally directed toward women, I have found that these patterns are universal. Anyone can find themselves in a caregiver role or learn to prioritize others' feelings over their own. Anger is complex emotion for many of us, and this book remains a foundational tool for understanding why.

04/08/2026

It is a common instinct to put on a brave face, to ignore our discomfort, or to simply try and push through when things get hard. As Dr. Neff’s work reminds us, ‘we can't heal what we can't feel.’

Often, we multiply our own suffering by resisting our pain or judging ourselves for having it. Healing happens when we realize that struggle isn't a sign of failure; it is a deeply normal part of our shared human story.

We can practice self-kindness by responding to our own struggles with the same warmth and care we would instinctively offer a loved one. By creating this emotional safety for ourselves, we allow our unfolding story to move from a place of reaction to one of steady, compassionate leadership.

How can you show yourself a little extra warmth and understanding today? 💙

Self-compassion helps us feel better—not by ignoring our pain or pretending everything is fine—but by embracing our struggles with warmth and kindness.

04/06/2026

Good morning from the office.

I’m spending a quiet moment with No Bad Parts - one of the books that changed my life. I learned that healing begins when we stop trying to fix who we are and start listening to what our struggles are trying to tell us.

04/06/2026

Harmony Atlantic is now open at Sun Tower, 1550 Bedford Highway.