03/24/2026
Discovering that boundaries are needed is the beginning of a very valuable stage of development. What folks don't often know is that when you start setting boundaries with those you love and care about (or work with or work for) you will most likely receive some significant pushback. Your lack of boundaries most likely served others and they are not pleased that you are taking better care of yourself by limiting the caring for others. You decide to not take work calls on the weekend, you tell folks you dont' want to talk about certain topics or don't have energy to provide emotional support like you once did. Perhaps you are prioritizing your own care and that means doing less for others as a result.
Setting boundaries and enforcing them can feel very uncomfortable at first. You can feel guilty, undeserving, or still unsure if it is okay to say no to unpaid overtime or listening to a friend in distress late at nnight. It takes time and commitment to hold your own, repeat your boundaries like a broken record and know that people will violate them, complain about them or downright get hostile that you are changing their access to your unpaid labour, unending emotional support etc. Knowing that supporting yourself as you move through discomfort in the new way of being is an important part of the process, and holding on to enforcing the boundary are criticial for success. It will get better if you stand firm in discomfort and hold firm to your meeting your needs.... you will learn the new way and it will one day feel like the most natural thing ever.
Likewise we may find over time we need to revisit boundaries and revise them to serve our evolving needs. Take comfort in knowing pushback is normal, discomfort is normal and both will pass in time and with practice.
