Susan Bauld Child Psychology

01/17/2025

09/16/2023

Everyone loses their temper from time to time — but the stakes are dizzyingly high when the focus of your fury is your own child. Clinical psychologist and renowned parenting whisperer Becky Kennedy is here to help. Not only does she have practical advice to help parents manage the guilt and shame...

04/15/2023

h.e.l.e.n.m.a.r.i.e
On glimmers 🤍

Glimmers were first coined by Deb Dana and are the opposite of triggers. I mentioned them in a post at the weekend which so many of you commented on so I thought I’d break them down a little more here in a separate post 🌱

They are small connections in the body that help the nervous system feel calmer. Micro moments of awe that create a shift within that brings feelings of ease, calm & hope 🌱

Examples such as moments of nature’s beauty: a sunset, the stars in the sky, a beam of dancing light, a smile from a stranger, the warmth of the sun on your face, a random act of kindness, connection, your favourite song, freshly baked bread or a moment of peace/solitude amidst the chaos 🌱

Let’s fill the comments with glimmers. What are yours? 🤍

04/06/2023

01/23/2023

The temptation to fix their big feelings can be seismic. Often this is connected to needing to ease our own discomfort at their discomfort, which is so very normal.

Big feelings in them are meant to raise (sometimes big) feelings in us. This is all a healthy part of the attachment system. It happens to mobilise us to respond to their distress, or to protect them if their distress is in response to danger.

Emotion is energy in motion. We don’t want to bury it, stop it, smother it, and we don’t need to fix it. What we need to do is make a safe passage for it to move through them.

Think of emotion like a river. Our job is to hold the ground strong and steady at the banks so the river can move safely, without bursting the banks.

However hard that river is racing, they need to know we can be with the river (the emotion), be with them, and handle it. This might feel or look like you aren’t doing anything, but actually it’s everything.

The safety that comes from you being the strong, steady presence that can lovingly contain their big feelings will let the emotional energy move through them and bring the brain back to calm.

Eventually, when they have lots of experience of us doing this with them, they will learn to do it for themselves, but that will take time and experience. The experience happens every time you hold them steady through their feelings.

This doesn’t mean ignoring big behaviour. For them, this can feel too much like bursting through the banks, which won’t feel safe. Sometimes you might need to recall the boundary and let them know where the edges are, while at the same time letting them see that you can handle the big of the feeling. Its about loving and leading all at once. ‘It’s okay to be angry. It’s not okay to use those words at me.’

Ultimately, big feelings are a call for support. Sometimes support looks like breathing and being with. Sometimes it looks like showing them you can hold the boundary, even when they feel like they’re about to burst through it. And if they’re using spicy words to get us to back off, it might look like respecting their need for space but staying in reaching distance, ‘Ok, I’m right here whenever you need.’♥️

06/24/2022

06/14/2022

I'm working with a lot of young people in transition at the moment. From primary to secondary, from secondary to college - big life-shaking changes. Change can be exciting but also tends to come served with a side of loss and anxiety.

Too often we try to focus on the exciting part and don't make space for the difficult feelings. Who are we really trying to make feel better when we say:

* Don't worry
* You'll be fine
* Look at the bright side
* At least...

It's not that focusing on the positives and offering reassurance and help problem solving aren't important; of course they are! BUT, we need to listen and accept and acknowledge the difficult stuff fully first to make enough inside space (and cognitive capacity) for the good stuff.

03/04/2022

The end of another heavy week. It’s okay if you’re not feeling as twinkly as usual.

Keep on keeping on, starshine ✨