06/17/2026
Follow these Steps to Process Your Grief
Wouldn’t it be wonderful if grief could be ignored until time passed and everything returned to normal? As we all know, realistically, grief doesn’t work that way. It can be quieted for a time until it blooms as an unbearable ache in the heart and mind, months and possibly years later.
The following are steps for the griever to address the grief journey. Following this recipe will lead to what we who support grief recovery refer to as good grieving.
1) The first step towards recovery begins with the decision to move forward through grief based on a desire to feel better. Courage and determination are required as the journey is not easy nor can it be rushed.
2) An understanding of grief is required to move forward. Grief is a sign of having loved. Although all humans are called to grieve, the path is unique to each griever. Grief is not a sign of weakness. It is not a problem to be fixed. It is not an illness to be medicated. It is a natural and normal part of life that requires acknowledgement. Avoidance, isolation and medication can delay grief but it will resurface when unexpected. Accessing the correct information about grief involves a relearning of what the heart is feeling. It involves dismissing people’s opinions that do not resonate with personal emotions. It is about knowing when to take a time out but also, it's about never giving up.
3) The next step is to establish a dialogue with compassionate and caring family, friends and professionals, if need be. Talking openly about the sorrow, hopelessness, fear, gratitude, joy and whatever becomes part of one’s full range of emotions allows for the formation of new brain pathways that lead to hope and joy.
4) In processing grief, allow tears to flow, as this stimulates the release of stress chemicals associated with loss. It is important to not hold back these emotions as doing so can create additional physical stress.
5) Then begin activities that stimulate happy chemicals in the brain. Daily actions need to include healthy food, sleep, water intake, socializing, nature, laughter, music and comedy. It’s important to experience the state of feeling good.
6) Take time to assess personal health: physical, mental and emotional. Journaling is a tool to provide insight and guidance into identifying underlying emotions, key events in the grief journey and challenges that need to be overcome. Journaling also records progress as the griever begins to heal.
The reward for the griever is, by following these small steps, that they come to an understanding not previously known which allows them to resume a life that is enjoyed rather than one which is only endured.
Bertha Brannen
Grief Recovery Specialist
© Tompkins Funeral Home/CFHC Online
