09/23/2026
Nobody really prepares you for how hard mealtimes can be after your spouse dies.
For years, maybe decades, dinner was something you did together. You talked about what you wanted to eat. One of you cooked while the other cleaned up. You sat across from each other and talked about your day. Maybe you watched the evening news together or complained about what was happening in the world.
And then suddenly you're cooking for one.
You open the refrigerator and wonder why you should bother making anything.
Recipes make too much. Groceries go bad before you can finish them. Sometimes a bowl of cereal, a sandwich, or something you can put in the microwave feels like enough.
But I think there's something else going on that we don't talk about.
You're not just missing the meal. You're missing the person who used to be there when you ate it. That empty chair can make it feel unbearably lonely. Even foods you once loved can lose their appeal because so much of our enjoyment of food comes from sharing it with someone.
And if your spouse did most of the cooking, you might also find yourself trying to learn something you never really had to do before. At an age when you never expected to be figuring out how to shop, cook, portion meals, and feed yourself every day.
Here's the thing...making a meal for yourself isn't admitting that this is the life you wanted.
And it doesn't have to mean recreating the dinners you used to have together.
Maybe you start small. Learn one simple meal. Make enough to freeze some for another night. Eat with a friend occasionally. Sit somewhere different if the kitchen table feels too empty.
And on the nights when all you can manage is a sandwich?
Eat the sandwich.
Grief asks enough of us already.
Feeding yourself is one small way of saying, “I'm still here, and I'm going to take care of the person who's left.”
Even when dinner is just for one.
Gary Sturgis
Author of: ‘SURVIVING GRIEF – 365 Days A Year’
