Dan Watterworth, RP

07/08/2026

Your brain can't pay attention to everything at once. So, your nervous system is constantly filtering your experience, deciding what deserves your attention based on what it has learned is important for your survival.

So, if your early childhood left love feeling unpredictable, your brain may have become highly attuned to small shifts in tone, response time, or level of affection, because those cues help you predict what would happen next.

Similarly, if connection came with pressure or overwhelm as a child, your nervous system is more likely to notice signs that someone is moving too fast or expecting too much from you.

Your nervous system is doing exactly what it was designed to do: keep you safe.

But this is also why two people can experience the same relationship differently.

You're not going to be able to force your nervous system to stop paying attention to the things it's been using to help you survive, but you can start to expand how you gather more information before jumping to a conclusion about what a cue means.

For example, maybe they didn't text you back right away because they were pulled into a meeting. Or, maybe they asked for a night alone because they needed to recharge after a busy week (and not trying to run from the relationship).

Your first interpretation is likely not the only possible explanation.

The more you offer your nervous system experiences with relationships that are emotionally safe, consistent, and predictable, the more it starts to scan for other cues. Instead of scanning for a potential end to your relationship, you start to scan to see if the relationship lets you be fully yourself.

See the difference?

It's also important to note that attachment patterns aren't strict rules or personality traits. They're adaptive patterns that can shift depending on the relationship, your level of stress at the time, and your recent/past experiences. It's definitely possible to recognize yourself in more than one category at different points in your life.

Your nervous system is always learning new patterns or reinforcing old ones.

Anything you'd add to the list?

06/04/2026

Symptoms of codependency (or people-pleasing) sneak in while we’re busy trying to be KIND.

After all, isn’t it loving and thoughtful to help others be emotionally comfortable?

(Plot twist: yes, it is).

(Second plot twist: except when it isn’t).

Yes, it’s loving and kind to be thoughtful and considerate of others.

No, it’s NOT loving or kind to chronically silence our voice, downplay our own needs, or shrink ourselves down so that someone else will feel “comfortable.”

And yet some relationships (whether spouse, parent, family member, or friend) will regularly demand you shrink yourself in order to make them feel good.

And that’s not okay.

As in, they’re not actually asking you to be KIND to them.

They’re asking you to be CODEPENDENT.

And that’s not kind to you or them. Not in the long term, anyway.

So how can compassionate people tell the difference between kindness vs codependency?

It’s easy.

Our boundaries show us the way.

Except that most of us don’t know what our boundaries are.

But we can.

(And your true boundaries may not be what you think). ✨

❤️
Molly
Therapist-turned-boundaries-guide

PS - Want help?

If you would like to find out if you’ve been stuck in codependent patterns (and get boundaries that are loving, kind, and connective), my minicourse is here for you. And it’s free. 🥰

Get it here:
Https://boundaried.com/breakthrough 🦋

PPS - I’ve been having fun hand-drawing a little cartoon series on what codependent symptoms can look like for compassionate folks. If you’re new here, scroll through the cartoons on my page this past week and follow my page if you’d love to see more

11/13/2025

But there is hope and EMDR is a tremendously helpful approach!

PTSD/CPTSD — psychological injury and the changes caused to the brain. Trauma informed care, trauma informed educators, etc. need to be aware of the impacts of trauma on the brain.
~Deb 🩷

11/13/2025

Credit:

Save these for your next hard conversation. ❤️

10/29/2025

DBTSkills. What is Distress Intolerance ?
DBT provides excellent skills for Distress Tolerance - though knowing a bit more about what Distress Intolerance is can also help.
This is from the Australian organisation CCI. Centre for Clinical Effectiveness. All of their materials are evidence -based, meaning they have been developed after rigorous research & testing.

Sourced & curated by DBT-Dialectical Behavioural Therapy.

All rights reserved.

10/22/2025

04/27/2025

Just start creating. We need more beauty in this world.

03/30/2025

Many men don’t escape their pain. They pass it on — unless they do the work to break the cycle.

I’ve sat across from hundreds of men who don’t see how their pain is shaping their relationships. They see themselves as good men, but they don’t realize how their unchecked wounds and defensiveness impact the people they love.

They get frustrated. They shut down. They lose their temper and blame their partner for “never letting things go.” They minimize. They deflect. They withdraw. But underneath all of it? There’s a boy.

A boy who wasn’t seen, wasn’t heard, wasn’t allowed to be soft.

A boy who learned that vulnerability was a liability, so he buried it under anger, withdrawal, or control.

A boy who swore he’d never be like his parent, but still finds himself sounding just like them.

Right now, that boy is in the driver’s seat.

That’s why your partner feels dismissed. That’s why your kids avoid you when you’re in a mood. That’s why you keep promising to do better — but don’t.

You think you’re protecting yourself. But what you’re really doing is wounding everyone around you. And if you don’t deal with what’s inside you, they’re the ones who will pay the price.

That wounded boy doesn’t have to be in charge anymore. The real you — the grounded, loving, relational man — is waiting to take the wheel. Are you ready to put him back in charge?

You don’t have to wait until things fall apart to start showing up differently.

The people you love need you now.

02/05/2025

This sign was at the coffee shop on our family vacation. Words to live by!