Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

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Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW I am a retired social worker. He/Him All services are provided using ZOOM.

Working from my home in Keswick, Ontario, I provide a range of counseling and conflict resolution (peacemaking) services to support people and their relationships.

10/11/2026

The relationship has barely begun and already your new love interest is showering you with gifts that are beyond expectation, professing their love and adoration, and talking about plans for the future.

In short, that's "love bombing."

It can certainly be intoxicating, particularly if you are the least bit emotionally vulnerable.

Rather than seeing this as true love though, consider this fishing analogy:

The person fishing, seeking to catch the largest fish, tries out their shiniest lure. It's just the bait to get that prize fish to take the hook.

Love bombing is like that shiny lure and you are the fish.

Do know that many of those folks who try love bombing may actually have several lures out at the same time.

Whoever bites first is who they seek to reel in. They won't tell you that part though

As their prey, once caught, the shine can quickly fade from the lure.

The love bombing drops off and the expectations arise.

The attitude frequently will be, "Hey, I did so much for you, now you should be grateful and do this for me."

With that and before you know it, you've actually been lured into a situation where you are taken advantage of.

As that goes on, the person will at the same time seek to isolate you from family and friends.

Common themes are being told that no one will love you like they do.

This occurs as you are being increasingly exploited.

That love bombing, sure it can feel good. It's not unlike the rush of street drugs and like street drugs, that can actually be addicting.

See that love bombing as a red flag. You still may be enticed to go along. Do so with both eyes open.

If and when it starts to turn and be used against you, causing you to feel ungrateful, then you know it's time to cut the line and swim away.

Thing is, by then you may already be caught up in their net. If so, get help, seek support.

And, by the way, there is rarely any chance of bowing out slowly or gracefully. The pursuer will likely shift back to more love bombing to suck you back in.

Want to leave? Do so quickly and completely.

If you cut ties quickly and fully and manage that boundary, the love bomber is apt to move on to their next target.

While in Winnipeg this weekend for my cousin's funeral, Arlene and I and my brother had dinner last night at a fabulous ...
10/11/2026

While in Winnipeg this weekend for my cousin's funeral, Arlene and I and my brother had dinner last night at a fabulous little Jamaican restaurant.

The owner was a delightful as the food was great.

We had curried goat, ribs and jerk salmon. We brought back a piece of "black cake" to share at the hotel. Yum!

10/11/2026

Thanksgiving.

Not all families provide that warm fuzzy feeling.

Some folks will be quite stressed out thinking about that dinner get-together.

If conflict erupts, manage yourself, no one else.

If necessary, leave. Better to walk out than be a party to hostilities and perhaps wrongful and harmful behavior.

If with a partner, consider a "safe word."

If either of you utter, it's a signal to leave, quietly, without fanfare and as little notice as possible.

Trust each other that if either triggers the signal to go, it isn't questioned. It's respected.

Be mindful of kids present. If your own, gather them quietly too. No goodbyes, just leave. Consider it a quiet evacuation.

Sure, we want to be thankful, peaceful and pleasant. Reality is that for some, it's a stretch at the best of times.

If too much alcohol is consumed by someone known to not manage well, that too can be a cue to leave before any trouble brews.

No one else has to like your leaving.

It's not about anyone else liking or agreeing with your decision.

This is about your safety and that of your family, be it from emotional, verbal or physical harm.

Be thankful you have choices.

One of those choices is to not be in hostile, unsafe or abusive situations.

No explanation to others required.

Wishing a safe and happy Thanksgiving.

10/11/2026

At seventy years of age I feel like I was born in the era of the horse drawn carriage. When I was a young man....

My telephone had a cord tied to the wall.

The information of the day was written on paper delivered daily to my home.

My car ran solely on gas.

Research was done in a library.

I had to walk to the television to change the channel.

My food was cooked on the stove or in the oven.

I paid mostly cash and sometimes by cheque for my purchases.

Yep, in my lifetime alone the world has changed such that today's child would wonder how we ever managed.

10/10/2026

One of the tricks of the nar-cissist is to take a minor error or misstep that the other has made and exaggerate or amplify it to have it appear far greater than what it was.

These moves make the other look bad and put them on the defensive thus distracting from their own more severe issues and behavior.

To lock in their exaggerated and amplified claims, they are likely to next warn that the other will deny or minimize their behavior.

Then, assuming the other does try to defend themselves, the nar-cissist looks right in their prediction which in turn gives credibility to their claims.

It's quite a twist and trap.

As much as the other wants to reasonably defend themselves, doing so works against their own interests.

Knowing all this, then often the best response is a non-defensive response.

"Oh, yes, s/he has lots to say of me. I think they just want a reaction. I have long since learned not to give them the satisfaction of putting me on the defensive with their claims."

With that or something similar, the other then just let's it go.

Because the claim doesn't, in a sense, land, it's weight it diminished.

Given the lack of agitation by the other in response to the claim, it is contrary to what has been predicted by the nar-cissist and this lends itself to undermining the nar-cissist's credibility.

Do note, there is no perfect way to make everything better when dealing with a nar-cissist. They key though always remains with managing oneself, one's reactions and responses.

The goal is to lessen their impact as best as possible and more allow them to reveal themselves with time.

With your defensiveness and emotional distress no longer visible, it leaves their behavior more open to scrutiny.

10/10/2026

She was fed up with him. No explanation was good enough. In fact the more she explained the more he used her explanations to challenge her. There was no winning.

It was the first meeting. We discussed that narcissists loved inducting their partners into their long-winded explanations only to undo them. For them this was sport.

While quite a psychologically abusive scenario, there was no yelling or shouting and no physical violence. It was mostly gaslighting and twisting her words to suit his agenda. She agreed to try a different strategy.

She came to our second session smiling. She said it worked.

All she did was refrain from defending herself. She said what she was going to do and didn't respond to his challenges about her choices.

What she would do is stare at him deadpan, c**k her head a bit to the right, turn and walk away. Sure, he did fire off more nonsense, gaslighting and challenges. She just continued on her way.

He lost his power when she found her resolve to no longer defend her choices, which, by the way, were only reasonable.

She got it. The game for the narcissist is control. They feel empowered, bigger, stronger to the degree to which they can thwart any desire of their partner.

She just no longer obliged. She did as she wished.

This wasn't a relationship to last.

Eventually she planned her exit, did so, and got on with her life.

10/10/2026

And so it happens. Death.

She was a dear cousin. We grew up in different cities meeting at family holidays. It may not have been that frequent, yet we were close.

Come adulthood and in particular our later adulthood and thanks to things like email, we were in touch often and not infrequently by phone as well.

We could talk about our respective families having common ancestry, but mostly it was laughing and joking and just keeping the connection alive.

Cancer gripped her. It was nasty and if there ever were a side effect she would have it. Between the cancer, the treatment and the side effects, it slowly took her apart until she couldn't sustain herself any longer.

She passed Thursday morning. We got the call twenty minites later. Her husband is just about as lovely and caring a man as you could find. He let us know. We love him just as much.

Now, this morning, we head back to Winnipeg having had a visit with them just this past July in anticipation of a day like today.

The funeral will be a graveside ceremony Sunday. We will meet with family, more cousins.

It will be bittersweet.

10/09/2026

While everyone else was campaigning, you know what our mayor was doing? She continued to lead and promote the town.
Focused, experienced leadership.
Re-elect Margaret Quirk for Mayor of Georgina

Address

Keswick, ON

Telephone

+19056284847

Website

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