08/08/2026
Learn How To Forgive Yourself To Move Forward
When someone else does something that hurts us, our reasons for holding a grudge are usually clear. We want the pain to be understood. Once they’ve apologized and made amends, we’re usually clear to move on.
However, things become considerably more challenging when it comes to forgiving yourself. Anger can serve as a self-defence mechanism when it comes from someone else. In a way, holding a grudge against them and demanding restitution keeps our self-image intact.
We have effectively kept a border.
But when we're angry with ourselves, it's usually a result of a violation of our morals. Our emotions are, therefore, typically more nuanced than simple rage. Yes, we are angry at ourselves, but we are also ashamed and disappointed in ourselves.
An inner critic: what is it?
The little voice inside of us that continuously tells us that we're failing, that we're doing something incorrectly, or that we ought to be better is known as our inner critic. It’s super mean, to be honest. That judgmental voice is far more cruel than we would ever be to a friend or loved one, which is what makes it so insane. Furthermore, we wouldn’t put up with someone saying such things to us or about someone we care about. However, these ideas sound far more real when they remain inside. We tend not to question the thoughts that run through our minds because we're less aware of them. This uninformed inner critic can cause a great deal of harm. It's a form of internal gaslighting when it's out of control, making us doubt everything we say, do, or dream about. Learning to be compassionate with yourself is the only effective method to stop it.
How to forgive yourself
Here are some strategies to help the process of healing and forgiveness get started:
1. Understand that you’re not perfect
You’re not perfect. Declare it aloud, jot it down, or write it on a coffee cup. You’re not perfect — and you’re not a bad person, either. You are only a person. Give yourself the same grace you give to other people. Are you holding yourself to a standard that you would never place on another person?
2. Get clear on why you’re upset with yourself
Investigate the source of your guilt-ridden emotions. Is it perfectionism? Have you harmed anyone else? Have you done something that you’re embarrassed about? Despite the discomfort it may cause to look upon, confronting it head-on can be instructive. Chances are, it’s not hard to imagine someone else doing the same thing and being completely unbothered. For instance, when I don't do tasks by the deadline, I am really angry with myself. It's the main thing I criticize myself for. However, I have friends who could care less and submit everything either late or not at all. And what do you know? I don’t think that they’re bad people.
Try to be scientific about what happened and why it’s bothering you so much. Being late makes me feel careless and incapable personally. Neither of these describes who I am, and I don't want anyone else to think that way, either.
3. Repair what you can
After determining what your "wrongdoing" is, you'll be able to determine whether you have to atone for it. You might owe someone an apology. You can accept it for yourself so you can move on from the past, even if the ship has sailed, and you won't get another chance to make it up. You’re not a bad person. You just didn’t finish/do/get/say something. It’s not fun, but it happens.
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