08/28/2026
As a couples therapist, I've noticed something.
The conflict couples are having today often isn't just about today.
It's about everything they've been carrying long before they met each other.
That's why I love the backpack metaphor.
We all carry an invisible backpack.
Inside are childhood experiences, past relationships, criticism, rejection, loss, betrayal, hope, and fear. Every experience, whether painful or joyful, shapes how we see ourselves, our partners, and our relationships.
When conflict happens, we're often reacting not only to what's happening in front of us, but also to everything we've carried with us for years.
Psychologist Carl Jung wrote,
"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate."
The more we understand what's inside our own backpack, and become curious about what's inside our partner's, the more likely we are to respond with understanding instead of assumption.
Healthy relationships aren't about pretending the backpack doesn't exist.
They're about learning what's inside.....and deciding to help each other carry it.
Which item do you think weighs heaviest in your backpack?
