Becoming Yourself Counselling

Becoming Yourself Counselling My name is Michael Holker MSW RSW Registered Social Worker / Therapist; I offer services in Ontario

Greetings,

I'm Michael Holker, a Registered Social Worker/Therapist. My journey in social work began in 2015 when I completed my Bachelor of Social Work, followed by further education to earn my Master's in Social Work. My path to this point has been marked by what I like to call "fateful detours and wrong turns," but it has always been clear that I wanted to establish my private practice. Over t

he past decade, I've immersed myself in a world of reading and research, honing my skills and acquiring tools to help individuals transition from merely surviving to thriving. If you or someone you know is merely "getting by" right now, rest assured that my mission is to guide individuals toward flourishing. Throughout my life, I've been driven by an insatiable curiosity to explore the realms of philosophy, psychology, sociology, history, science, and spirituality. I've dedicated myself to understanding the interconnectedness of these facets of human existence and how they relate to our contemporary challenges as individuals and as a society. This curiosity led me to the field of social work and, ultimately, to the creation of my private practice. On this page, you can expect regular posts addressing topics related to well-being and the human condition. I invite you to engage, ask questions, and share your thoughts. Currently, I offer virtual counselling services to clients residing in Ontario. You can easily book a session through the website link on this page or contact me directly for a complimentary 20-minute consultation. Let's explore how I can assist you on your personal growth and well-being journey.

Many neurodivergent adults have learned to question their own sensory experience before they ever question the room. The...
05/27/2026

Many neurodivergent adults have learned to question their own sensory experience before they ever question the room. They ask whether they are overreacting, too sensitive, or making too much of something other people barely notice. But environment matters. Harsh light, layered noise, visual clutter, and irritating textures can keep the nervous system subtly braced for hours.

A sensory-safe home is not about perfection or aesthetics. It is about fit. It is about building a space that makes regulation more possible and self-override less necessary. Sometimes one of the kindest things we can do is stop asking our body to keep adapting to what is already too much every single day at home without relief or support.



Neurodiversity-affirming therapy for adults who identify with ADHD, Autism, AuDHD and Giftedness or 2e in Ontario. Virtual appointments available.

These reflections are for informational purposes and are not a substitute for therapy.

When people are burned out, they often try to recover by becoming harder on themselves. They demand clearer routines, be...
05/26/2026

When people are burned out, they often try to recover by becoming harder on themselves. They demand clearer routines, better discipline, and faster healing. But burnout usually does not respond well to contempt. A more useful approach is often slower and kinder: name what your system is carrying, reduce one unnecessary demand, treat rest as part of the work, and notice where self-criticism turns pain into personal failure.

Self-compassion is not indulgence. It is often one of the conditions that lets the nervous system come out of threat mode long enough to begin recovering more steadily. The point is not to become passive. It is to stop making healing fight its way through shame.



Neurodiversity-affirming therapy for adults who identify with ADHD, Autism, AuDHD and Giftedness or 2e in Ontario. Virtual appointments available.

These reflections are for informational purposes and are not a substitute for therapy.

Emotional safety matters because many neurodivergent adults enter relationships already bracing to be misunderstood.ADHD...
05/22/2026

Emotional safety matters because many neurodivergent adults enter relationships already bracing to be misunderstood.

ADHD can make criticism, disappointment, or silence feel especially charged. Autism can make indirect expectations, sensory overload, and fast emotional processing difficult to navigate. If the relationship has no room for clarification, repair, limits, or difference, both people can become stuck in painful stories about each other.

Safety does not mean conflict disappears. It means conflict has more room for honesty and less room for shame.

Over time, sustainable connection is built through attunement, flexibility, direct communication, and enough compassion for both people to stop performing their way toward closeness.

What detail would make connection feel safer in your relationships right now?



Neurodiversity-affirming therapy for adults who identify with ADHD, Autism, AuDHD and Giftedness or 2e in Ontario. Virtual appointments available.

These reflections are for informational purposes and are not a substitute for therapy.

One of the biggest shifts in neurodivergent relationships is moving from assumption to curiosity.Assumption says: they a...
05/21/2026

One of the biggest shifts in neurodivergent relationships is moving from assumption to curiosity.

Assumption says: they are ignoring me, they do not care, they are being cold, they are overreacting. Curiosity asks: what is happening in this person's nervous system? What communication style are they using? What kind of support would make this moment safer?

For ADHD and autistic adults, being misread can create shame, hypervigilance, defensiveness, or withdrawal. Curiosity does not erase impact or excuse harm. It creates a better starting point for understanding intent, naming needs, and repairing disconnection.

In many relationships, the question that changes everything is not who is wrong, but what are we missing about each other right now?



Neurodiversity-affirming therapy for adults who identify with ADHD, Autism, AuDHD and Giftedness or 2e in Ontario. Virtual appointments available.

These reflections are for informational purposes and are not a substitute for therapy.

"any neurodivergent adults have learned to perform for connection.Be easier. Need less. Explain more. React less. Mask t...
05/20/2026

"any neurodivergent adults have learned to perform for connection.

Be easier. Need less. Explain more. React less. Mask the overload. Keep the peace. Try not to be misunderstood again. Those strategies can make sense when someone has spent years feeling corrected or misread, but they can also turn intimacy into another place where the real self has to disappear.

Real connection needs more than performance. It needs enough safety for direct communication, repair, sensory limits, emotional honesty, and difference.

Being known can be healing because it challenges the old belief that you are only lovable when you are edited into a more acceptable version of yourself.

Where have you learned to perform for connection instead of being known?



Neurodiversity-affirming therapy for adults who identify with ADHD, Autism, AuDHD and Giftedness or 2e in Ontario. Virtual appointments available.

These reflections are for informational purposes and are not a substitute for therapy.

Neurodivergent relationships often need a different kind of interpretation.A partner or friend may care deeply while sti...
05/19/2026

Neurodivergent relationships often need a different kind of interpretation.

A partner or friend may care deeply while still communicating, processing, or regulating in ways that are easy to misunderstand. ADHD may make attention and follow-through inconsistent. Autism may make indirect communication, sensory overload, or sudden emotional demands harder to manage.

When people assume intent instead of asking what is happening, hurt can build quickly on both sides. Curiosity changes the tone. It asks: What does connection look like for this nervous system? What helps repair feel possible? What does safety look like here?

Sustainable relationships are usually built through clearer language, softer assumptions, understanding and room for both people to be real.

What would change if the first move was curiosity instead of interpretation?



Neurodiversity-affirming therapy for adults who identify with ADHD, Autism, AuDHD and Giftedness or 2e in Ontario. Virtual appointments available.

These reflections are for informational purposes and are not a substitute for therapy.

One of the most disorienting parts of late diagnosis is not just learning you are autistic. It is wondering who you are ...
05/15/2026

One of the most disorienting parts of late diagnosis is not just learning you are autistic. It is wondering who you are underneath everything you built to survive.

Some habits may be authentic parts of you. Some may be adaptations shaped by masking, fear, pressure, or a long history of trying to stay safe and acceptable. That can make identity feel blurry for a while. If that is happening, it does not mean you are fake. It often means you are finally close enough to yourself to notice the difference.

Rediscovery usually happens slowly, through rest, boundaries, honesty, and less performing.

What has helped you notice the difference between your authentic traits and your survival strategies?



Neurodiversity-affirming therapy for adults who identify with ADHD, Autism, AuDHD and Giftedness or 2e in Ontario. Virtual appointments available.

These reflections are for informational purposes and are not a substitute for therapy.

A lot of late diagnosed autistic adults were taught to ask, What is wrong with me? long before they learned to ask, What...
05/14/2026

A lot of late diagnosed autistic adults were taught to ask, What is wrong with me? long before they learned to ask, What is true for me?

That shift matters. The first question often grows out of shame, comparison, and years of trying to become easier for other people to understand. The second opens the door to support, fit, and self-trust. It helps you notice what drains you, what regulates you, and what kind of life actually works for your mind and nervous system.

Self-acceptance is not resignation. It is stepping out of a fight with yourself that was never helping you heal.

What changed when you started asking what was true for you instead of what was wrong with you?



Neurodiversity-affirming therapy for adults who identify with ADHD, Autism, AuDHD and Giftedness or 2e in Ontario. Virtual appointments available.

These reflections are for informational purposes and are not a substitute for therapy.

A lot of adults hope a diagnosis will make everything click immediately.Sometimes it does bring clarity. But it can also...
05/13/2026

A lot of adults hope a diagnosis will make everything click immediately.

Sometimes it does bring clarity. But it can also open grief, questions, and a slower kind of identity work. You may understand more about yourself and still not know exactly who you are outside of masking, coping, or old expectations. That does not mean you are behind. It may mean you are in the middle of something real.

Rilke's words matter here because patience is not passive. It can be a steady form of care while your nervous system, self-understanding, and life story catch up with new truth.

You do not need instant certainty to be moving toward yourself.

What feels unresolved for you right now, and how might patience change the way you hold it?



Neurodiversity-affirming therapy for adults who identify with ADHD, Autism, AuDHD and Giftedness or 2e in Ontario. Virtual appointments available.

These reflections are for informational purposes and are not a substitute for therapy.

Sometimes the hardest part of a late autism diagnosis is realizing there is no single correct way to feel.You might feel...
05/12/2026

Sometimes the hardest part of a late autism diagnosis is realizing there is no single correct way to feel.

You might feel relieved that your life finally makes more sense. You might grieve the years you lived without support. You might feel angry about being misunderstood, or disoriented by how much your history is shifting all at once. None of that means the diagnosis is wrong. It may mean it is touching something real.

Being diagnosed with autism as an adult can be clarifying and destabilizing at the same time. Many people live at that intersection for a while.

You do not need to force gratitude or rush acceptance.

What feeling has been hardest to make room for since diagnosis?



Neurodiversity-affirming therapy for adults who identify with ADHD, Autism, AuDHD and Giftedness or 2e in Ontario. Virtual appointments available.

These reflections are for informational purposes and are not a substitute for therapy.

A late diagnosis can bring a quiet but unsettling question: who am I underneath coping, masking, people-pleasing, and se...
05/11/2026

A late diagnosis can bring a quiet but unsettling question: who am I underneath coping, masking, people-pleasing, and self-criticism?

For many adults, masking was never vanity. It was survival. It helped you get through school, work, relationships, and systems that did not understand your nervous system. But when you have spent years performing safety, it can become hard to recognize what is actually you and what was built to protect you.

That confusion is not a sign you are lost beyond repair. It is often part of rediscovery.

You do not need instant clarity after diagnosis. Sometimes identity returns slowly, in moments of honesty, rest, and less performance.

What feels hardest to separate right now: your authentic traits or your survival strategies?



Neurodiversity-affirming therapy for adults who identify with ADHD, Autism, AuDHD and Giftedness or 2e in Ontario. Virtual appointments available.

These reflections are for informational purposes and are not a substitute for therapy.

Address

Toronto/(Offer Virtual Services Only)
Toronto, ON
M2N7A9

Opening Hours

Monday 12pm - 5pm
Tuesday 10am - 6pm
Wednesday 10am - 6pm
Thursday 10am - 6pm
Friday 10am - 6pm

Telephone

+12892786272

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