Lisa Shouldice MA, RP, CCP Psychotherapy Clinic

08/04/2026

CBT is not wrong. It just does not always go deep enough.

When your thoughts are fueling anxiety or depression, CBT helps you identify them and reframe. That works. But underneath those thoughts is a feeling, and that feeling is often on fire because it is connected to something much older. Something from your family, your past, the version of you that learned to cope a certain way.

Emotion focused therapy goes there. And as you actually listen to that feeling instead of reasoning around it, the intensity starts to come down. That is when you get flexible. That is when you start making different choices.

A lot of people come to me having done CBT and found it helpful to a point. They want to go deeper. That is exactly what this work is for.

What has therapy helped you with, and where have you felt stuck?

07/31/2026

Feelings are not just something that happens to you. They are information.

They tell you when someone matters to you. They tell you when a boundary has been crossed. They help you process loss and move through it. You cannot find those things out by thinking your way through them. You find them by actually connecting to what is happening in your body.

Emotion focused therapy works because it gets you there. Into the body. Into the feeling. And then into words. That is the integration that changes things.

What emotion has been the hardest for you to sit with?

07/25/2026

Sometimes the Fighting Is the Only Way You Know How to Connect

Protest-defend patterns do not come from not caring. They come from not knowing how to get close anymore.

When a couple has been fighting for a long time, connection can get rerouted through conflict. You want to reach your partner and you have no idea how, so you come in hot because at least that gets a reaction. It is not healthy. But it is not random either.

Yelling at someone does not connect you to them. It shuts them down. But if conflict is the only bridge left, that is what happens until something changes.

If this is where you are, it does not mean it is over. It means the dynamic needs reshaping.

Has a relationship ever gotten to this point for you?

Full episode now on YouTube. Link in bio.

07/23/2026

How to Express Anger Without Blowing Up the Conversation

Anger is a valid feeling. It is also one of the hardest to express in a way your partner can actually receive.

There is a version of expressing anger that keeps the door open. It sounds like: I am angry because what you did felt insensitive, and I felt like my needs got lost in it. That is different from just unloading. It explains the feeling, names what happened, and keeps you in the conversation instead of ending it.

Anger does not have to mean the end of a productive conversation.

How do you usually handle anger in a conflict?

Full episode now on YouTube. Link in bio.

07/22/2026

New blog series: Everything You've Always Wanted to Know About Attachment Styles — a 4-part deep dive into anxious, avoidant, disorganized and secure attachment. Learn how these patterns start in childhood, how they show up in adulthood, and what helps you shift toward security. Read more: https://wix.to/iv6E3vS

Attachment Styles: Anxious, Avoidant, Disorganized & Secure: In childhood, Adulthood and Getting Help

07/21/2026

Stop Saying “You Always.” Start Saying “I Feel.”

The difference between an accusation and a feeling is one word.

When you say “you always criticize me,” your partner hears an attack and goes straight to defense. The conversation is over before it starts. When you say “I feel sad when you talk to me like that, it stays with me for days,” something different happens. They can actually hear it.

Feelings land. Accusations do not. And the shift is simpler than most people think.

Which one do you default to when things get heated?

Full episode now on YouTube. Link in bio.

07/19/2026

Walking Away Is Healthy. Not Coming Back Is Not.

When you are flooded, the right move is to walk away. The problem is your partner might need the opposite.

Some people regulate by staying in it and working through it. If you need space and they need contact, you have genuinely incompatible needs in that moment. And that requires compromise, not just one person getting what they want.

Walk away for an hour, not three days. And then come back. You cannot ask for space and then disappear. That is not self-regulation. That is avoidance.

Which one are you in an argument?

Full episode now on YouTube. Link in bio.

07/17/2026

You Think You Are the Calm One. You Might Still Be the Problem.

Escalation in a relationship is always 50-50. Even if you are the one who stays quiet.

Staying calm can actually escalate your partner depending on what they need from you in that moment. Your composure might read as dismissal. Your silence might read as contempt. You can have the best intentions and still be making things worse.

Your piece of the dynamic is worth looking at, even if it does not look like fighting.

Does this land for you?

Full episode now on YouTube. Link in bio.

07/15/2026

You Are Not Listening. You Are Preparing Your Next Argument.

In every fight, both people want to be heard. That is where the problem starts.

Because the moment you stop tracking what your partner is saying and start preparing what you are going to say next, you are no longer in a conversation. You are in two parallel monologues. Both of you waiting for your turn. Neither of you actually listening.

And that is why it goes nowhere every single time.

Has this ever been you in an argument?

Full episode now on YouTube. Link in bio.

07/10/2026

Healing Trauma Means Feeling Things You Have Been Pushing Down for Years

This is what nobody tells you before you start.

When you begin processing trauma, things come up. If you have been numb, you are going to start feeling. It can feel raw. Exposed. Like something is wrong.

But that opening is the work. You cannot heal while staying closed. We need feelings to connect, to make decisions, to be who we actually are. You cannot live entirely in your head and have the life you want.

The goal is not to feel everything all the time. It is to get back to the natural flow you had before the trauma took it.

What has healing felt like for you so far?

Full episode now on YouTube. Link in bio.