Jordan Pickell Counselling

Jordan Pickell Counselling Find the healing you are looking for
Individual and relationship counselling in Vancouver, BC

Estranged parents who are surprised when their adult children go no-contact are often simply not listening. Their adult ...
05/23/2026

Estranged parents who are surprised when their adult children go no-contact are often simply not listening. Their adult children usually have been trying to set boundaries and share how they are being impacted in smaller ways for a long time. Then when they finally take the big step of creating distance, it feels jarring, and the adult child is the villain.

Naming the dysfunction in your family relationships comes with real life consequences. Which is why when your lives and ...
05/22/2026

Naming the dysfunction in your family relationships comes with real life consequences. Which is why when your lives and emotions are intertwined it feels way too risky to acknowledge it, even to yourself. It’s only when you get enough distance—emotionally, physically, economically—that you can finally acknowledge the extent of your family’s issues. If this has happened for you recently, know that it does get easier. Your connection with your inner compass gets stronger. And you get to make more aligned decisions about what you feel and what you want.

If you don’t already know, I’m on a podcast tour with my friend, Alison for . Meeting well over 100 therapists in the la...
05/18/2026

If you don’t already know, I’m on a podcast tour with my friend, Alison for . Meeting well over 100 therapists in the last week or so and I’m reminded that we all need resources to refer to— most importantly each other. Sharing referrals, insights, podcasts, and books. And I’m handing out these bookmarks (on the stops where I remember to bring them from the hotel) with my book cover on them. People have been so lovely and supportive. My hope is that when my book is published in September, it will become another essential resource for therapists to share with each other and with clients struggling with intense guilt and fear about setting boundaries with their families. So, in the spirit of sharing, what are your go-to books you recommend?

Abusive parents will use the words “parental alienation” and “brainwashing” to perpetuate emotional abuse. By accusing y...
04/09/2026

Abusive parents will use the words “parental alienation” and “brainwashing” to perpetuate emotional abuse. By accusing your other parent, family member, friend, partner, therapist, or more generally “social media” of “brainwashing” you, they shift the focus away from their abusive behaviour. They control the narrative, casting themselves as the victim.

Ironically, calling you “brainwashed” is a kind of gaslighting, where you might begin to doubt your own feelings and perception. Your parent is able to reinforce their power and control by confusing you and manipulating other people in your life. You might feel immense pressure to maintain a relationship with your abusive parent.

Accusing you of being “brainwashed” disregards your ability to make decisions about your own relationships. You are supposedly being manipulated rather than having a mind of your own and valid reasons for setting significant boundaries.

Sometimes people in your life are telling you your parent is a piece of s**t because your parent is abusive and they see the manipulation for what it is. Think twice whenever someone throws around the phrases “brainwashing” or “parental alienation” and focus on what you know is true. You are an adult. You have the ability to make your own decisions.

If you want to take some time to tune into *your* values, feelings, and needs, rather than your parent’s, join me on April 25th for “Navigating Fractured Relationships with Difficult Parents.” You get to decide how you engage in your relationship with your parent.

     

Families have unwritten rules for gatherings—what to wear, how to eat, what to talk about (and what not to talk about). ...
04/05/2026

Families have unwritten rules for gatherings—what to wear, how to eat, what to talk about (and what not to talk about).

For some people, it can be an uncomfortable performance, especially if there’s a significant gap between how you present yourself and what you feel inside. Even as an adult, you might have family members reminding you how to act.

You might find your body tense the morning of, your nervous system poised to start a fight.

At some point the expectations might be so suffocating, you decide to opt out going forward. That’s a valid choice. But for many, you want to find a way to balance on that edge, playing your role and keeping up appearances while also staying connected with yourself.

That might mean tiny acts of rebellion like saying something you aren’t ’supposed to’ say. Spending more time with one person. Revealing your tattoo.

Think about how long you’ll stay and why you’re going in the first place. You don’t have to play along exactly as you were taught. You can bend (or even break) the rules.

What are the unwritten rules of gatherings in your family?

Growing up, I always felt older than I was. Perpetually 30 when I was just a kid. But now closer to 40 than 30, I realiz...
04/03/2026

Growing up, I always felt older than I was. Perpetually 30 when I was just a kid. But now closer to 40 than 30, I realize how young I actually was. Such an interesting phenomenon—how you can *feel* a certain age, even when it’s diverges significantly from your chronological age. And I know this is true for so many of us who were “wise beyond our years”— as an adult, actually feeling so young. Not in a carefree kind of way, but like, whoa, I know so little, don’t I? There is still so much to learn and to experience. Even just taking a breath for a second. Recognizing what’s mine and what isn’t. And be here.

You might interpret your parent’s difficult emotions as personal assignments. Even when you don’t want to! Even when you...
03/26/2026

You might interpret your parent’s difficult emotions as personal assignments. Even when you don’t want to! Even when you know it has nothing to do with you! It’s likely a pattern you’ve been living since childhood. And that makes it difficult to break. How can you untangle your feelings of responsibility from their feelings of anger, shame, irritation, grief, embarrassment, rage, and on and on. Can you let their feelings be theirs?

People who *know* about their enmeshment often describe the lightbulb moment of when they realized the true dynamics of ...
03/17/2026

People who *know* about their enmeshment often describe the lightbulb moment of when they realized the true dynamics of their family. Suddenly, their feelings, their family’s strange behaviours, the motivations behind life decisions big and small come flooding in. It’s a journey. But initially, that new clarity means relief.

Have you ever learned a word about family dynamics that fundamentally shifted the way you understand your experience?

When your emotionally immature parent is on the attack, it can be tempting to try to pull other people into the conflict...
10/01/2025

When your emotionally immature parent is on the attack, it can be tempting to try to pull other people into the conflict. You might think a sibling, your other parent, a family friend, or their parent could help you call them out. You have fantasies of you and your sibling confronting your parent and getting them to admit to their lies. Your grandparent stepping in to say this is wrong. You want someone to see what you are seeing.

When you pull someone into the conflict by asking them to take your side, get involved, or try to fix it for you, you are engaging in triangulation where three people (or more) interact in an ever-shifting dynamic of confrontation, sharing inflammatory information, shifting loyalties, and keeping secrets. Your parent could respond by going on the attack, telling people things you have done or said, even if none of it is true.

When you add people into the mix, you are adding more variables and more risk. Frankly, it could blow up in your face. Your parent plays victim, and all of a sudden you’re the abusive one. Maybe they fully take your parent’s side against you or maybe it’s the infuriating “neutral” stance, wishing everyone would just get along. Maybe they focus on your emotional reactions and judge you for being dramatic and paranoid.

You can call out abuse and share your emotions. You can go to other people for support, but don’t try to enlist them to fight for you. Doing so may drag you further into a dynamic based in manipulation and abuse of power. I also recognize this can be cultural. You may come from a family or a community where triangulation is how you interact with one another. There’s nothing inherently wrong with that. But be intentional about who you go to and be cautious about what you share to avoid feeding into a toxic dynamic.

Have you ever tried to get someone to help you with the conflict with your parent, only for it to fail spectacularly?

Of course, I’m not saying helping your family is bad or wrong. It can be kind and caring to support each other, even if ...
09/25/2025

Of course, I’m not saying helping your family is bad or wrong. It can be kind and caring to support each other, even if that means making significant sacrifices. But then that’s not a boundary, that’s a choice. What matters is how this *feels* in your body. Does being open about your finances and giving them money nourish you and make you feel proud, or does it leave you resentful and financially insecure?

Everyone has different priorities, comfort levels, and values when it comes to money. Acknowledging your boundaries is not selfish. You have limitations. That’s okay.

If you are someone who recognizes your boundaries are being crossed, I hope you can find ways, big and small, to make changes and reclaim your sense of financial security. You can say no in more situations than you probably realize.

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