09/30/2026
CW: SA and power abuse. Potent words here.
Help Me Broadcast The Voice Of One Of Francis Weller's Victims
Late tonight, Carmen Wilde posted her first Substack to tell more of her story about what happened between her and Francis Weller, a spiritual teacher I've trusted and learned from for more than a decade, who had been her therapist before she became his lover and intimate partner. She posted her first story in July 2025 but has chosen to tell more of her story now that Holly Truhlar broke the story, and I want to help broadcast her version of the story, which differs somewhat from other versions. Please follow Carmen on Substack. I'll post the link to her original essay in the comments below. But I want people to read her words, and she's brand new to Substack, so let me share some of her story here. These are Carmen's words...
"The last thing I will say about Francis Weller...
To each and every survivor of abuse, I see you. I see you first and foremost. I am placing you at the centre where you belong. I see how everyone and everything but you have been prioritized and centered - for centuries, for eons, for lifetimes, and even still to this day.
I heard from so many of you over the last two weeks. Every one of your stories is agonizing to me. Thank you for trusting me with them. Let’s make a pact not to become numb to each other’s stories just because they are so extraordinarily common.
I do not need to see a repeated pattern of abuse from your perpetrator in order to place value on you and your singular story. I do not need to hear that this happened more than once and with other people in order to change my behaviour towards your abuser.
Many of you have expressed how triggering, painful and re-wounding it has been to learn about Francis Weller and, in particular, to see the way this story has been framed in the past two weeks.
I am going to share my story in more detail here. I ask that you take care of yourself as you read this and use your discernment around how much you want to consume.
If you do not want to read the details of what happened to me I hope you will consider skipping to the end of this essay. Because the larger and far more important part of this story is about the life I lead now. A life of liberation, freedom, and joy.
It is imperative to begin by saying that I cannot consider and reflect on my time with Francis without putting it in the context of the s*xual abuse I experienced as a child for multiple years. (I will not be sharing the details of my early experience here as my abuser is a close family member and I am currently in an ongoing and very tender process with my family with regards to our history.)
It is only in recent years that I have come to understand the relationship between the abuse I experienced as a child and everything that unfolded between me and Francis. When I met Francis I had not yet healed or integrated my childhood experience and this is precisely what made me terribly vulnerable stepping into healing space with him.
I met Francis at a grief workshop in 2015 in Victoria, BC Canada. I was there for two reasons. I wanted to learn more about grief tending and I needed to grieve the end of my marriage.
Within hours of our meeting he was showing me photos on his phone from a recent trip he had taken with his son and telling me stories about his personal life. Over the course of the weekend he singled me out in multiple ways - with his gaze, his physical proximity, his words of praise. His s*xual energy was leaky from the first moment of our meeting. It was palpable. By the end of the weekend he had told me he saw something in me, he had told me I was special. On the Sunday a fellow workshop member asked me how long Francis and I had been married. She was confused and baffled when I told her we had just met. When the workshop was over I asked him if he had space open for 1:1 mentorship. He said no and that his waitlist was long.
On the flight home the friend I had attended the workshop with told me that the special attention he had given me was inappropriate. I didn’t want to hear it. I was hooked. (At that time in my life the special attention was like a drug for me. Like so many women, I was living in high-functioning PTSD. Deep functional freeze was running my system and I had yet to uncover and process it. I did not have access to my somatic wisdom or my discernment. I have named my own lack of maturity and discernment in my Facebook post here.)
Two days after the workshop I received an email from Francis telling me that a spot had opened up and that he would like to offer it to me. He ignored the waitlist. Our mentorship container was without boundaries from the beginning. Within the first few sessions he was telling me about the erotic dreams he had – one dream included a detailed description of his p***s.
The content of our sessions was always more personal than professional. I recorded each of them.
I fell hard and fast for Francis. I believed I was in love.
The next time I saw him in person was at a workshop in California in April of 2016, 6 months after we first met, 6 months into our 1:1 mentoring relationship. It was there that I openly shared my feelings with him for the first time. He set aside time and space for me to tell him how I felt. We sat in a candlelit room alone and had a lengthy conversation. From that moment on our relationship became intimate and personal. (We did not engage in the physical act of s*x at that time or at any time when a ritual workshop was occurring. I’m not sure where that idea came from but it wasn’t from me. Sexual in*******se occurred later on in our relationship. However, s*xual energy was always present from day one – within ritual space and beyond it.)
Our relationship was never about one brief s*xual encounter. We shared our lives with each other. We spoke each weekday and sometimes on the weekends – often multiple times a day - for nearly a year. When his son got in a car accident he called me first. When a client of his was suicidal (because Francis did not return her love for him), he called me. When he was struggling with difficult clients, he called me. He told me names of clients including a famous musician. We professed our love for one another regularly. Daily. He told me he believed we had a future together. It was during this year long stretch that we met and had s*xual relations over the course of a 2-day period. I have emails to confirm everything I am stating here. Emails we exchanged via new accounts he wanted to create specifically for our communication.
In March of 2017 our relationship came to an immediate and abrupt end when the first woman he had an affair with (the one from 2013) brought her story forth. It was then that Francis told me about her for the first time. I only discovered recently – through multiple conversations with this other woman - that the version he shared with me was inaccurate. I believe her version and I thank her for sharing it with me. I am embarrassed to admit that I believed the version Francis told me at that time. I don’t anymore.
Many years ago, Francis began changing the story about what happened between he and I as well.
To say this experience has taken up far too much space for me over the last 10 years of my life is wildly understated. As I’ve said, the harm cannot be measured. If I thought too long about the losses for me and my children I would go mad. It is no exaggeration to say that I very nearly did not survive my experience with Francis Weller. It has only been in the last year that I have learned about consent within the framework of power differential. I may share more about this at a later date but I have spent far too much time on this yet again in the last two weeks.
When I began this essay it was my intention to write about the accountability process that took place. But I’m not going to do that now.
There are two reasons why I am making that choice:
1. My story deserves to be heard and prioritized first. Not because I need more attention. I don’t. I am well held and deeply resourced. As I’ve mentioned before, I have been squarely on the other side of this for years. It deserves to be heard and prioritized because that is the good, right, and appropriate way to treat every single story of abuse. The survivor always needs to be centered before we move on to the topics of accountability, complicity and people’s reputations.
2. Though it may be clear to Holly, I am still holding questions about the accountability process. I had a great deal of faith in Holly when I first shared my story with her and when she first put things in place for the accountability process. My understanding of what needed to happen and what should have happened has changed over the years and my trust in Holly has diminished since that time. I have been very troubled by the way this has been written about in the last two weeks and heard from many survivors who are deeply hurt by the way it is being framed.
People may not be aware that I am not a grief ritual facilitator. Grief is no longer the foundation of my practice with clients. I am not a part of this community and haven’t been for many years. In the past several days I have learned a great deal about some of the personal dynamics within the community and some of what unfolded after the accountability process took place. I am still listening and learning. I need to hear more and gain better understanding before I can speak to this with clarity, honesty, and integrity.
What I will say is that I have yet to feel and experience that Holly cares more about survivors than her own reputation and footing. I am honouring my own instincts and intuition when it comes to this. And still listening to the stories of others.
Having said that, I cannot state this next part strongly enough. I ask everyone to place their attention on Francis Weller’s behaviour as opposed to the ongoing complexities between myself, Holly, and many others who have been involved in this for years.
Wouldn’t it be convenient for Francis if the emphasis got taken off of him yet again?
How diluting, distracting, and downright boring to bring the attention anywhere but squarely on the very bad behaviour of this one man.
I will finish by saying this final piece:
There is something that interests me far more than any accountability process.
There is something that interests me far more than any public statement.
I see how these things are important to people. I do understand their necessity and their place. But I also see their limitations with great clarity.
What is far, far more important is that a man fall on his goddamn knees and FEEL.
Not just be held publicly accountable, not just write about it, give it lip service, or be put through some process. And, for the love of God, not indulge in intellectualizing it.
But to feel the full extent of his horror, shame, regret, sorrow, and despair over what he has done. And eventually, given time and ongoing years-long devotion, feel into the woundedness that caused him to behave in this way.
We want to see a man who has been cracked wide open by this and willing to dive deep into his own shadow work by practicing his very own teachings.
We want his full admission, full acceptance. We want to be able to believe him when he tells us he is facing it completely.
We want to see a man who is willing to accept and bear the staggering weight of his actions and make a choice to do everything in his power to really and truly understand the extent of the harm he has caused.
I have not seen this once from Francis. Not ever. To this day, I am still hearing stories of his bad behaviour with clients and in group spaces.
Pretty and poetic words are empty and vacuous – not to mention manipulative and confusing - if they do not stem from the genuine heartfelt desire to make the unconscious conscious.
*Please read the rest on Carmen's first Substack and comment there so she can read your support. I'll post the link in the comments below. And please consider subscribing to her Substack so she can feel your support.
