09/08/2026
Before NARM founder Dr. Laurence Heller's first book was published with its current title of "Healing Developmental Trauma," its original working title was actually "Connection: Our Deepest Desire and Greatest Fear."
That original title reflects one of the most fundamental perspectives in NARM: Human beings are wired for connection. Yet when our earliest experiences of connection are marked by developmental trauma, we adapt in ways that help us preserve our primary attachments—even when it means disconnecting from parts of ourselves.
As adults, this creates a profound paradox: the reconnection that we long for can also feel incredibly frightening. The closer we move toward authenticity, intimacy, or vulnerability, the more those old protective patterns may also get activated.
In NARM, when we see this happen in the work, we understand that it's not something that's going wrong—it's not regression or resistance or pathology. It's a natural expression of what Dr. Heller calls the Core Dilemma, that our deepest desires are often, also, our greatest fears.
